Cried Creations

There are things I’ve tried, achieved, failed, assumed, done again and again.  There are walls created destroyed, themes thought and passed.  But the deepest treasures, are cried creations.

I’ve been on an extended vacation, no plans, just home.  Drifted thru layers of artificial fears, anxieties, family turbulence, fluttered, flustered, and somehow mistakenly arrived at a deep soul peace again.

Drip, Drip, Drip.  Inside.  Inside everything is a place.  I used to assume everyone knew, and was on a common path/goal to be in this culture place of peace.

I now know, we all are, but at vastly different stages of the journey.  Different paths, places, directions too and from peace.

I’ve surrendered once again, to the stillness that is inevitable, when I gently listen and follow the inner compass that relaxes the body, opens the intuition deeper, breathes the deep peace.

I surrender again to the world as it is, as I begin preparing to re-enter the work place flow.

I forgive again, for not seeing big picture, or accepting unknown, unbelieved highest good unfolding, when I follow the moment as I am willing.

We are all healing in our own way in time.  Our bodies may or not, but our souls are healing.

It was always easy for me to chose and be a dark path.  A drunk, drug addict, mean sarcastic person.  Thank God, others chose to make that path difficult for me.  Thank God, I came to an emptiness inside that led me to an undeniable choice to choose somehow to find a way out of the hell I had created, again and again.

Peace is possible, I know this, because in this moment, I feel it, inside out, again.

george

Energy Up Batman!

Up turn here Clyde.  Slow, weather, bed, warm, ahh.  Alert Alert Alert.

Slippy time is hear to see and say, nope, I chose active.  Natural rhythm weather easy slow deep empathy cycle recharge, but nopes me choose active.

change music to pop track, move move move, remote robotic control if necessary.

“With vision, you have a reason to live through the low times and a motivation for getting out of bed, taking excellent care of yourself even when you don’t want to, and the joy of bringing something beautiful into the world.” pg 51, Living Out of Darkness.

While my mental insides may be processing all input from spring summer soul growth harvest, I do not have to let my feelings rule/control my body.  Keeping my body active, while my emotions are turbulent, this time of year is important.   I do allow moments of sitting but it’s a slippery slope for me.

Staying in touch with my inner empathy and grief is important, because I never know who it may be connected with or what is ready to heal.  Brief gentle following of thought thread can lead to a family or friend in quiet need, and a phone call or contact can help lift them up, and I feel good for having allowed/followed internal empathy intuition.  However, dwelling in unknown empathy, or tugging on the chords, can lead to unwanted helping of others, or bring both our energies down.  

Successfully passing thru this initial stage of winter, staying active, consciously empathetic, and rebooting positive daily routines, can lead to an enjoyable winter.  It’s also good for me to pick up mentally interesting and mystical books like the Tao Te Ching to help sort refresh eternal questions.

wiggle the hips jiggle the flab,

long way to spring people,

let’s MOVE!!

Doodle Therapy

Fuzzy morning

/ coffee / plans

/ linear thinking?, Not

art table /

ahh.

 

ADD  Prozak

Shame Lock…Release

I’m undoing a shame lock in this moment.  “Delusions of grandeur”.  I would like to reframe this, and remove stigma.  I am a visionary.  I see that which is possible.  I struggle with bringing it to reality.  It is the struggle, which brings me peace.  If I were to stop at delusion.  Cut the soul sight before grandeur is given a chance, what a horrible world I/us/we would be.  Grandeur is the potential of past visionaries we are now living.

Shame, locks us up internally, and rips grandeur to delusion.

Unlocking shame inside can/is brutal at times.  Easy path hide.  Harder path, create, no matter what.

I turn my grandeurs into reality, with one simple habit.

Positive daily routine.

Currently my family is dealing with parental life stage transitions.  Many conversations, many stirred up monsters and demons, PTSD reactions etc.

My past me, the one locked in shame and delusions of grandeur, would hide in my bed, and watch the horror 24/7 family news cycle in my head.

The me of many years, trusts creativity, soul work, emolution(new word), and getting on with life, no matter what.

How I do this is simple.  Coffee today, taking stock of life, oh-I have family obsession cycle running in my head, mental note, must create and publish in some way cutting edge of soul, TODAY!!!

This is what turns my delusions into realities.  Devoting ten minutes or more of concrete action on current soul creative edge, ESPECIALLY when feeling obsession or shame or “too busy”.

Living my souls edge, keeps me ok inside, thru it all.  Good times for me, are now defined by what’s new news inside, and enjoying it outside.  The best physical things in my life, came thru me, because of carefully working towards them.

Any level of sanity, functionality, enjoyment, come from a commitment to paying attention to what is quiet and still, and THEN taking action.

Soul ON!

George

P.s. Emolution- the evolution of my emotions into creative realities.

Emotional Ahh

I am not the extreme of my past.  I am not the extreme mental and physical choices I made to cope/interact with the chaos around and inevitably in me.

Was my past since birth totally of my creation?

If not, do I have to prescribe my entire life to it’s chaos?

What if I’m actually a calm happy creative sane functional human, temporarily held hostage by the creation and wreckage of my first 20 years, and recovery from?

As I settle once again, from another emotional hurricane, I relish in the choices I’ve made to create calm functionality in my life to return to.  None of it happened instantly.  Yet it is possible.  Yes I deal with all kinds of anxious moments, activities, etc.  But there is a calm overwhelming routine to return to.  It used to be externally only.  I followed a calm path offered by others for years in hopes of it working.

My prayer today, is to encourage, all those choosing calm routines, in spite of current internal or external chaos, to continue their journey, no matter what.  If peace is possible for me, than I hold hope for you.

george

AAAgh

“Sincerity seems to be born in desperation.”  George Denslow.

pg 57, Living Out of Darkness.

Emotional recovery began for me, when a loved one said,” Aaagh.  Enough! Go to al-anon.”  Nine months later curious, about alcohol, I found my way to the beginning of physical sobriety.  The emotional overhaul, 20 years later, is still ongoing.  I’m still not God of anyones inside or outside circumstances.  Thank God.  I’m still immature enough to assume from time to time that I know best and could figure everything out for everyone, and sillier yet, I get worried that it’s not happening.  Emotional Angst and turmoil is the inevitable result of such endeavors.  It’s simple really, people are going to live the trajectory of their free will, no matter how much I love or ignore them.  It sucks.  But it’s true.  People live.  People prosper and live well, people suffer, and eventually pass on.  Ego maniacs with inferiority complexes like myself get to bump into this reality every time we think we know best.  I am once again reduced/empowered to pray.

God,

Grant me the serenity,

to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom,

to know the difference.

Please God, help my loved ones today…

g

Dream On

Dream On, Dream in, March in.

Soul is.

George, i gotta ask, why dream?

It is the secret cutting edge of my sobriety and mental stability.

?

But you are a goofy dreamer, weird, outspoken, I’ve never even seen you in a box much  less near one.  How does that have anything to do with sobriety or stability?

soul.

The stability, functionality and sobriety of my life, comes from a long term connection from within, and willingness to act.

Not action from chemicals, undiscerned “good ideas”, like I used to.

Actions from soul.  Yes, a bit of a rocky road to figure what is truly from within and what is ego.  Have to have trusted people to share ideas with.  Give ideas time to emulate true form.  Observe actions over time, were they really good or not.

But yes, actions sourced from soul, have produced the greatest results in my life.

The primary being sobriety.  I haven’t had to be locked up in a long time, driven my car with chemical influence, and yes i’m goofy and weird, but I have a source of income, choice of living quarters, and hobbies I care about.

Marching in to creative expression of soul, living inside out, is my coping mechanism.  I don’t have to surrender what stirs me to the bottom of an empty bottle.  I surrender to the goofy expression, original thinking, creative perspective, a sober brain has proffered.

Be

george

Too High

The longer I am sober, the more creative I get in response to the question, why don’t you drink?

Lately, I’m higher than any artificial mental assistant could get me.  Too High in fact.  I had to put the air brakes on yesterday and slow my assent a bit.

It’s one thing to be bipolar, it’s another thing to sober up for many years and string together sobriety, add healthy simple living, meditation practices, daily creative expression, WATCH OUT!

Yup, I knew I might have gone a wee bit too naturally high when a simple glass of water was tripping me out.

I don’t drink or do drugs of any kind, legal or otherwise, because sober creative life is a bigger trip, than I ever experienced before.

.

Let me make that period bigger

♦

Life is good, seek continuous sobriety, have a creative blast, be your dreams, and keep on tripping, in a really good, natural groove!

G.

P.s.  I chilled out, ate some fish, gently landed my brain, letting things getting a bit grounded before I let my self enjoy another glass of that delicious stuff called H2O.

; )

Meta-Who??

Metaphysics-the branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time, and space.

Metaphysics for me is the lifelong dedication to the study, and contemplation of the question why?.

Positive metaphysics for me is the dedication to what if there could be a positive inclination for why?.

Long before I had my first drink, I was always a strange child, and a strange child unknowingly dealing with intense drama, trauma, on a daily basis.

I always wandered off, any chance I could be alone, and still do.  In my solitude, I would always ask why, and contemplate positive possibilities until I felt ok and calm again, before heading back to my obligatory insanity called “family”.

So when drugs and alcohol came along, it was a no brainer, they took me much faster to not being impacted by questions.

Fortunately, I went down hard and fast at an early age, and was locked up.

Fortunately, several years later, I stumbled by accident into a 12 step group, and eventually found my way to sobriety.

About the same time, I followed a girlfriend into a positive metaphysical church.

By “coincidence”, the strange child I was, survived drugs, sobered, and found my way to other people and literature interested in why, and what if positive.

This lead to the study of mysticism, shamanism, eastern philosophies and understanding in positive terms my bipolar experience.

For me, it is all connected, of deep purpose and service.

20 years of sobriety later, I’m still strange, even more so, very much into solitary contemplation, and fortunately still wrapped up in the questions of why, and what if positive, with the added benefit of frequent fits of bliss and serenity.

George

Soul Drip

Drifting Soulness,

          Shadows flown

ashes wept

emptied pain

Sun speaks clouds drifted

Shifted ease, new day

begins

Joy we be new,

Now.