Let it be…

5 12 2016

img_8484I catch my self in fear, mind spin, extra think, ratio of input to processing, off triggering,

breathe, breathe, breathe,

I don’t have to take immediate actions for every real or perceived input.

It is ok to breathe it is good to breathe. Sometimes life is full and busy, that’s ok.

When I was an empty shell/vacuum, with little but bipolar behavior coping skills, it was a constant stirring mess.

With an identity and soul outside of the bipolar illusion, all I have to do with rapid income input that triggers the bipolar behavior output response, is let it be.

It is sometimes best to not take action. Be what I need to be, but temporarily suspend actions from mind/ego/fear.

I’ve been riding a wave lately. Investing a lot of time and energy and building up networks, projects, collaborating, completing as well as Life101 items like taking care of a home.

I just kept telling myself, I’m not inside the bipolar illusion full time anymore. It is an illusion, it is a set a behaviors in which I have discovered other healthy methods of coping with stress.

Yes, their is a full on enticing physiological, mental, emotional, spiritual, intoxicating aspect to it, yet it is not my only option. Especially since I’ve taken a lot of years recently to just slow down and listen be interact discover explore re-introduce myself to my soul.

And guess what? My soul is not bipolar behavior.

I’m actually a calm root happy go lucky goofy soul, that loves to see explore humor in everything completely unedited.

My soul has gently re-introduced me to my mind, emotions, spirit, and body. My soul helps me calm down, relax, let it be, using time to regain a mellow happy perspective.

I suspect many of us diagnosed with bipolar and exhibiting bipolar behavior, are similar.

Are we bipolar, or are we temporarily stressed out people, ingrained/identified in learned bipolar behaviors?

Letting it be…

George





Talking me down

10 11 2016

bloggers note:

I used to call it bipolar opportunity, my current terminology is The Bipolar Illusion. Because that is what it has become for me. It is a temporary bio, physiological, spiritual, mental pattern/ coping mechanism I can drop into from time to time when triggered.

on with the blog

I stopped blogging a lot because I felt empty. I personally have moved on from being and identifying with bipolar. My life has challenges I have episodes, but they are pretty miner, boring, and feel pretty “normal”. WOW!!! congrats George. this is why I put the blogger note in. Bipolar is an illusion for me now. I’ve been on to it’s game for many years and the pay off has been excellent.

Yes I feel manic coming on, yes I feel depressions, and I feel a lot of calm functional peace.

Anyway. A new topic has gained interest for me, which perhaps I can begin blogging about, because I love to write.

How to deal with bipolar people?

Ahh, now we are on to something good deep thick and juicy. Why George why do you know so much about this topic. Uh, duh, hello life long bipolar illusionist here.

Todays topic: Talking me or someone else down.
(p.s. this can apply to anyone, not bipolar exclusive behavior)

Step One: Identify the situation. Become aware that your loved one or coworker has raised their voice or pace of words, actions, emotions, etc, beyond a functional level to the situation.

Step Two: Prep yourself. This is vital to your personal mental health!!! Don’t skip it, trust me on this one. I grew up enmeshed with crazy people, it’s no good to lose yourself in the mental illusions of another’s challenges. I don’t care how nice and empathetic you are. Prep yourself.
How? Pray-connect with whatever is positive unseen and bigger then your ego, Breathe. Scrunch and release your toes. Practice feeling the skin on the bottom of your feet and the earth below. Feel as grounded as you possibly can.

Step Three: Make a decision consciously to interact or WALK AWAY.
don’t worry there are an abundance of riled up people everyday everywhere, so no need to interact with everyone all the time. ( hello another lifelong george lesson gem here, If only i could fix everyone, I would be ok and wouldn’t feeeeeel this way)

Step Four: obsess about being calm. breathe, feel feet, let it go.
lower your voice and pace of words and energy, re-connect with spirit and trust all will be well.

Ok you are in. Now, you have created calmness, and spirit connection in the presence of a temporarily upset person dealing with the illusion of fear in some way. This is the magic. Don’t take it personally, know that you can walk away at any point, trust your intuition.

I’ve used this method thousands of times, and it’s been used on me even more. I thank my blue collar brothers for teaching me this. Let’s face it, we are rough and tumble guys that grew up in the ‘80s and went to shop class in high school, didn’t always finish high school, and ended up in industry. All was well until the human relations department showed up and started firing us because we couldn’t beat each other up to solve differences of opinion any more. So let’s just say, we’ve been through a transition, and are really good at talking each other out of beating each other up and getting fired so that we can still work and provide for our loved ones.

Step Five; At some point, when I maintain a calm, spirit connected, grounded presence, usually the other person sees that i’m not getting riled up, and begins to self regulate and calm down again. This is MAGIC! We usually become good friends as well, and often the next time, the other person is calming me down. I think it’s a modern day form of male bonding in the work place. But I use it everywhere now.

If the person doesn’t shift their own energy in a time or manner you feel comfortable, trust spirit to step in and take care of the situation. AND WALK AWAY.

ok, that’s it, enjoy, be SAFE.

Big HUGS
George





Rile up, or breathe.

10 11 2016

water-dropFamiliar words. Family. Father. Work drama, ego fear mind drama. How easy it is to be riled how easy it is to rile.

I first learned it from my father. I remember observing the pattern as I got older. He stirs shit up then sucks the energy off. I started hating it. I labelled it unnecessary emotional bullshit. I was an old soul, and 9 earth years by that point, long being bitter sarcastic rebellious, angry.

What I didn’t know, was that I was learning these patterns to deal with low self esteem, physical energy, and the stress i felt from this. What I learned was that if I was ever scared, bored, low energy, feeling overwhelmed, I could just rile people up and watch the show.

What I didn’t know was these family bonds I connected with my father would not only make me easily manipulated, but also excellent at manipulating others.

Thank God it makes me feel very uncomfortable, and I’ve had a life long obsession for serenity and calmness, to create inside me and generate whenever possible around me.

Don’t get me wrong, I can go from calm to compost stirring jerk in a half second, just ask my long term coworkers and friends who really know me. What can I say, my training was excellent, and my ego loves to feel the illusion of power.

Fortunately, my soul and spirit cringe, it’s also taken many years to see these patterns in me, and begin to choose to be calm, breathe, walk away, any other means possible then to stir people up and watch the show, and listen to my ego find creative ways of justifying it.

Today I choose peace first, as much as I can, and compassion as soon as I can after an episode.





Dyslexic Untie!

23 06 2016

dyslesicDyslexics not I am Untie! is their a Dog insomnia?

If you can decipher this message then we are a mind meld. I love shotgun wording, brian space sometimes just needs a flow. Cares if “english” grammar, etc are discarded. Yup. Free the brain. Communication is just an opportunity for souls to vibrate in proximity, exchanging info non verbal non physical.

I love just popping the cork and putting it out there especially when recovering from a long term deep dive, ahh. Yes, I know a high percentage of “normal” english speakers have now moved on which is good! I’ve never been a champion, worried about or communication king with the Chorus.

I’ve always been a fan of the people outside the circle who still have a sliver inside them to come back into light. It is my journey, it is the conscious bipolar journey, it is a journey we all take, some of us on a very large range/scale/extremes.

I heard recently at a new age retreat that we are finally realizing that everyone is crazy, I burst out laughing inside but kept a straight face on because they were laughing and saying this as if it was a newsflash and new concept.

Yeah! Us crazies are finally ahead of the pack. If life has given/born/created, who cares origin, insanity, dysfunction, or crazy, then we often know, from the beginning, life is crazy, we are all screwed up, it’s just that some of us are so raw, we can’t, don’t wish to, or have just completely ignored the normal train, and “normal” people are able to maintain a copying mechanism to cover cope with their neurosis in a non visual, or socially acceptable way, example, Bars, drinking, and everyday jerks, snobs or ___.

Welcome aboard or off the tracks to the “normal” people. I love it that the world is in chaos and a majority of the “normal” people in my life are losing their sh*t, ?.

no seriously what are you talking about George it’s horrible!

Really?

People are losing their sh*t. Sh*t being fertilizer, coping mechanism, separation, ignorance, avoidance.

My mom always said, “If you really want to get to know someone, take them on a crappy camping trip.”

It’s true, welcome to camping world.

Our convenient coping mechanisms are failing in masse. Our realness is showing, our connections, REAL, connections are growing, and we are finally, finally getting to see the people we thought we new, as more real.

I love this as a bipolar person, because the extremes in my life, have always shown me my insanity first hand, and opened my eyes to see what others have always hidden.

This, this my friends is the gift of being “crazy” outside the box or normality all or percentage of ones life.

Because here is the juice. Once I get past the b.s. with mutual coping mechanisms with someone, we get to decide whether we like each other, and if we do it’s awesome! Or if we don’t and have to deal with them anyway, then we get to grow, and sometimes, sometimes that leads to liking ourselves more, and sometimes even the other person.

This, is truly the gift of these “crazy”, opening, growing for all times.

peace
George,

ok how do I find my way off this soap box…





Hope Evolution

22 04 2015

I dedicate this blog, to those living in hopelessness. I’m praying happy tears for you today. When I began my journey of hope. Hope that myself and all of life was not horrible, out of control, and a useless miserable failure, my hope, was from a kernel of faith, that somehow still existed inside of me, in spite of it all. Some part of me lived, kept breathing, waking, moving. My faith came from books, because all people had proven themselves to be idiots and untrustworthy to me. They also locked me up, because of my mental behavior.

This journey of hope, began locked, in severe psychological pain, after years of faith and bust. Words, read, uncovered, hoped were real, began my journey back to life. Out of words came healthy habits. Writing my thoughts in journals, all of it. The good the bad the ugly. Over and over again. Journals clean out crap in my head, and reveal gems from time to time, if I’m patient and persistent.

Over time, my faith and hope, led me to opportunities, experiences, which led to real life, real time, face to face healing. Along the way I discovered and interacted with healthy humans, and let go of many humans stuck in behaviors that were destructive for me.

My happy tears today for people in hopelessness, is gratitude for the potential. If we can survive the hopelessness, If we can be graced with discovery and opportunity of new healing then we can evolve.

Happy tears today, are for the discovery of erosion of psychological control temporarily embedded by humans in positions of power living in their own unresolved fears into innocents. Time, healthy daily methods, new healthy information, observation and experimentation of good ideas, have continued to erode those negative unhealthy psychological destructive beliefs, behaviors, identity, and unconscious reactions to stress, given to me, and a little bit each day ejected, and eventually let go of completely.

I continue to say good bye, to other peoples fears, and hello to life is good, and getting even a little better, each day.





It’s A New Day!

20 04 2015

IMG_6271The sun has come up and it’s a new day. This is day three of slowly calming down from a six week functional manic which is why I had to write about it. Previously, I thought normal was the highest level of the bipolar game I would get too. The first time I was “normal” felt really strange I was physically mentally emotionally functioning and I was concerned trying to figure out what I had done wrong and yet when I finally figured out what was going on I was actually feeling normal.

Bipolar dis-order is when we are lost or trapped inside up/down cycles that don’t function or integrate very well with life. Bipolar Order has been a long and slow journey for me. In the beginning I had to figure out how to be safely suicidal, how to not harm myself or others and be safe, the mental institution is where I rather abruptly discovered the need for that. The next level for me was learning how to be functionally depressed, keeping myself moving thru daze and not letting myself get lower than just depressed. In some ways over time depression became easier than manic because I had less energy to deal with. After many life upsets I’ve had a tendency to return to depressive states and stay there as long as I could with food or distraction in order to hide.

It was after these two phases that I discovered one day I was feeling normal and I slowly began to figure out how to be comfortable feeling functional and how to increase the amount of time that I could feel “normal”. Feeling “normal” is less drama, more function, and less sensitivity to triggers.

I love feeling calm. Anyway, I pretty much thought there was nothing more to bipolar order than riding out the cycles and getting back to normal safely. Life had become about increasing the time in normal and enjoying as best, if I could, the other extremes when then occurred, until the last six weeks. The longer I live as a bipolar person the more I’ve come to realize how uncomfortable I am with manic because of a lack of control that I feel. Things move so fast inside and out and I’m not as nice of a person, I’m fairly oblivious to other peoples feelings sometimes I can be extremely sensitive and interactive and can be of good service but not always. Usually most of the time when I’m manic its been an uncomfortable ride for me I couldn’t wait until I was feeling normal or depressed again.

So anyway this is day three of calming down from a six week very manic, highly functional period of time. About two weeks into it I was again trying to figure out what the heck I did wrong, why was I so high and then it dawned on me maybe I’m learning a higher level of functioning with bipolar. Yes my house got messy, but I was still doing basic basic sanitation, I was still managing finances, I was still completing the tasks I needed to at work, and I didn’t have any major mental and emotional social relational blowouts like I usually do when I’m that manic for that long. I’ll admit, it was getting scary and anxious at times, which were also intense, but brief. It felt like all I had was a slight influence over steerage and my foot jammed on the gas pedal. I definitely don’t have it figured out or integrated but I wanted to share with you the possibility that maybe we can, over time, become even more functional in manic phases, not just the lower realms, anyway the sun is up its a New Day.





huge know, BIGGER YES!

12 01 2015

IMG_5643From time to time in this journey I’ve chosen big knows, sometimes planned sometimes not. Either way, I check in with silence over time to sense the choice, to trust intuition. Was this or that let go a hell yes or no. Sometimes it’s a partial, and years go by before I feel the bigger yes redemption. Family drama, place of upbringing, drugs, alcohol, jobs, friends, plans, possibilities, ego convictions etc fall in this time sand…

The stepping away point is often a huge bipolar wave wash for me, especially if it was unplanned, dramatic.

And yet, over time, intuitive redemption, a deeper, calmer, slower simpler truth, a bigger ahh awakening, bubble up from the depths of time.

Sometimes I try to force the healing, sometimes I’ve stepped back in for a redo of previous untruth illusions. Usually disastrous re-runs, with even messier endings ensue.

IMG_5457Truth can be evaded, run from, delayed, ignored, temporarily pacified with distraction, yet truth is.

While integration, redemption, intuitive visions may not always be easy to be patient for, it can be incredibly eerily calm, and strengthening when they do arrive.

Please trust your calm intuitive bipolar visions, for me, they have always led, to a much bigger deeper quieter, yes.








%d bloggers like this: