Slow Heal

9 03 2014

ImageTrust Time.  Emotional erosion of unwanted angst drifts slowly sometimes.  There are easily forgivable transgressions, and those that require faith and letting go.  There are also items, which I’ve just never been able to forgive.   Granted they are an indicator of an unwillingness to forgive myself, etc.

I ignore them, because time has always been an ally in healing.  The twist and turns in life deposited me near the ocean in a climate mostly warm and sunny, THANK YOU GOD.    Financially I was locked down about the same time.  Instead of drifting to the next thing/flavor of the moment/ hair-brained idea, I hunkered down, and let the internal demons have their way.  They lost.  I’ve been physically stable for 6 years now, and wow.  Time heals, without a doubt.  Everyones sensitivities, perceptions, wounds, healing opportunities are different.  Some people can shake off horror stories and move on down the road, some people are lost over a stubbed toe.  Some people get really messed up.

The longer I allow gentle emotional healing, by doing my best not to disrupt my life or continuously muddy the waters, clarity and original innocence/intentions, have a way of re-emerging.  Gentle soul time, simplicity, letting go, being as mellow as I can when ever I can dwell in it a bit longer, heal.  At first I was always anxious to move and do and be the “next” thing to Git R Done.  For 6 years now, during my time off, I’ve dwelled in gentle soul time as much as my inner neurosis allows and wow.  Time heals.

 

Breathe, sit, sip, soul time.  Heal.





Endings Anew

6 03 2014

Image“A bipolar person is going to feel IT.  What ever IT is, it is not an option.  You are going to feel it, whether it is the universal pain of ___…or the first flower in spring.”

pg 80 Living Out of Darkness.

Goodbye, Hello.  Mixed feelings, life moves in.  Soulsphere this week time off deeper stirrings leading inward.  A part of the renewing life process for me is active letting go.  I”m hearing/feeling the first thunderstorms of spring, listening for the rain, watching the drop splashes on my patio.  Drifting thru what it is I am ready to not worry about any longer.

Let’s face it, we all…I, worry about things, uselessly, alot.  As I confront doubt and lack of faith for creative projects, forensic residual worries surface.

Very little in my past has escaped without fingernail grooves, etched in worry, and yet very little of my creative successes occurred with out the energy boost from finally letting go or life resolving ending/ issues.

Endings are important.  They fuel new.

Feeling an ending, is tough, yet can help smooth the bipolar/disorder ride.  When I ignore “ending intuition”, the big shifts are uglier when they hit.

When I allow intuitive preemptive grief to occur, it’s easier, a little, to feel real time when events occur.

Not all intuitions/perceptions prove true, yet when I allow time to sift sort journal thru them, they often prepare me if when they do occur.

Being intuitive, extremely sensitive, with a zillion antennas, it’s a bit freaky at times.  It’s been a long delicate journey learning/allowing/honoring, that which is not seen, but felt.





Comfort Less

5 03 2014

ImageIf easy than cruise.  If insides, bubble big dreams, than comfort less.  I recently scared the holy crap out of myself again.  Completely unnecessary for my daily survival, vital for linear, big passion growth.  It never ceases to amaze me, each time I take a huge leap of faith into big dream risk growth vision, the usual cast of inner demons arrive to rip me to pieces.  This time I was ready.  I expected, and tricked them.  Instead of prepping for a leap by doing all the “right things”, I simply made an appointment, and got comfy.  Sat on my couch, munched to my emotions content, and employed every sneaky distraction technique my monsters have shown me.

When departure time arrived, regardless of loud internal track of how useless and stupid I was,  I strapped on a pair of big boy pants, and made it happen.

Two days in a professional recording studio to finally capture my book, in a high quality audio environment.

Wow!

I’ve performed music on stage, and recorded an album, my previous most scary artistic experience.

But arriving at a studio, being situated in a closed recording booth, a stranger in my ear, and reading my book,  aaaaaaaagh!!!

talk about a monster rich environment, red meat for the “abolish George’s self-esteem/worth committee”.

POP!

what a relief.  I did it.  finally.  After 6 years of wanting, running to and from, i did it.

A first draft of my Living Out of Darkness book audio recording is done!

Comfort?!!!!  What comfort?

Thank God for dreams that scare the inner crap OUT, of us.

Thank God for creative drives that keep us going, no matter what.

thank god for couches, movies, and comfort zones for improper prep, and demon containment.

peace





Soul Tea

2 03 2014

“… the inner wisdom was right; maybe I did not need to force myself to be happy when all I really wanted to do was let my inner emotions breathe and maybe even heal a bit.  the more I finally accepted this, the more I was able to calm down a bit and enjoy  my days in a bit more silence than usual, I was also more at peace inside.” pg61 Living Out Of Darkness.

 

SoulTea

 

 

Doubt is a creep.  A vacuum filler when other distractions are ignored.  What if what if what if, the busy mind cries, the body moves, the daze blitz by.  What if, a moment is allowed.  STop, sit, sip.  Soul tea.








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