Energy Vampire

27 12 2010

I’ve been amazed lately at my ability to smoothly transition back into my work wolf pack and not miss a beat when it comes to talking trash about fellow coworkers.  The other day on the phone with a loved one they teased me about a potential future event that could be disastrous in order to attempt to get a “rise” out of me.  I’ve learned from my last three months of a not fully functioning brain that stress or concern brought on the symptoms much faster than anything else,


I also hear on the radio about only 3% of people actually love what they do for a living.

So what about the rest of us 97% how much are we to strive or ease for the 3% group? If we let go and be where we are in life have we “settled”? Is settling ok?  If I find myself in a less desirable situation what do I do?  Three words came to me, seek contentment, gratitude, and interest.

Then a bingo lit up in my head.  Instead of anxiously striving to attain the magical inside of 3%, and or in the process being and or helping others to be miserable, what if I sought out gratitude, contentment, and interest right where I am.  What if my finances, health, family, friends, and interests, are enough to feel fulfilled and not have to find artificial means of boosting my ego by making others upset and sucking the energy out of their fear?

So this is my new theory for the day, preferably before I watch the trash words flow from my mouth I will tune in to how am I feeling about the day and myself.  If I feel inadequate is their anything I can be grateful, content, or interested in or of service to others, more than my urge to be unconscious with people?  Instead of waiting till I feel empty and attempt to suck energy out of someone else, maybe I could seek energy in more appropriate forms.  This is uncomfortable examining, yet it is something I’ve witnessed in myself for years.



In Sane

23 12 2010

“Imagination is for those of us who can’t handle ‘reality’.”

George Denslow

What if some of us are in sane?

What if some of us don’t have a natural inclination to need thousands of pieces of info, response abilities, obligations, opportunities, speed, immediateness, in order to experience life?  What if some of us are obsessed with serenity and peacefulness?  This could be an epidemic.  What if some of us through a practice of sitting still every day for a moment or more, practicing contentment, thinking positive, letting go, dancing with life as best we can are craving more of this and experiencing less conviction for the struggle required to survive?  What if some of us a are so far down this road we’ve actually begun to cut back a bit and are less interactive with the barbaric onslaught on our senses?  Holy crap, we could be devolving back to basic life.

I’ve been reading a fascinating book lately titled Forbidden History by J. Douglas Kenyon.  It’s a collection of articles by or about scientists that have dared to re-apply the scientific process to what science has assumed to be true about the ancient world.   I don’t necessarily recommend it unless you are fascinated by the title like I was.  Anyway, there is a line in that book that stunned me.  “the people in the 1950’s most likely couldn’t handle the level of serenity that existed in prehistory Egypt”.  I never let facts get in the way of a cool idea so I probably misquoted the exact words.

Instead of being too sensitive, delicate, and or all the other labels associated with people like us that can’t handle overload for very long, maybe we are actually organically normal human beings which never could grasp the current prevalent illusion of “reality” our culture and society has embraced?

The more I ponder this, the more I find myself relaxing even more.  Maybe I’m a time traveler from an ancient serene time sent to a barbaric place in time in which to witness and practice serenity and stillness and positivity and contentment with abundance to the best of my ability?

When I hear, there is just not enough, I say b.s.. I don’t see a lack of material anything; I see and experience a lack of consciousness in how we go about utilizing the abundance we have.  If enough of us continue our gentle journey of embracing abundance and contentment in the moment with what is, we will continue to spread this positive virus.  Maybe we can influence people locked in a fear of lack, that it is ok to let go a little bit, and experiment with being ok right now.  Maybe if a few more people experience a moment of stillness in their soul, in spite of the chaos around them, than we could find the 100th human needed to shift the paradigm.  Maybe I’m just an eternal optimist in this moment filled with visions of grandeur.  Thank you bartender of visions, I would like to double down every day on this.

I just know for me myself and I, that an ornery focus on positive to the best of my current ability, no matter what, through the darkest moments of my soul and life, have ALWAYS led me to a better place in time when the road of life cleared up again but more important, positive visions of grandeur comfort me in the present, and allow me to breathe easier and enjoy the day and the people I am with, regardless of internal and external circumstances.

When I hear it’s hopeless we’ll never get there, I remind myself I have stood in serene parks that were once industrial dump sites 10 or 20 years ago that have been revitalized, or all the huge trees I’ve received comforting hugs from that have been planted or protected by people.

I like being in sane.


Solstice Relief!

21 12 2010

Uh George you’ve been quiet as of late again, what up?
Care to share?
Ok ok, I’m just afraid to start because so many thoughts have been ripping thru my mind.
Try me.

First off, solstice is my OMG breathe big sigh of relief date of the year. For bipolar such as myself, it can be a bit tricky negotiating one’s mind and or life thru the light less cycle.
B)add the silly season,
C)oh yeah my body and mind have been hardware dysfunctional for 3 months.
So what did you do for 3 months George.
Hee Hee.
I created a 10’ by 12’ treasure map/Wall for 2011.
Because it’s fun. Because it didn’t cause stress which would shut down my brain.
Instead of focusing on all the things I was unable to do, like driving, errands, thinking hard, or light exercise for more than an hour at a time, I sat around and focused on what I could do.
Instead of pondering the progress of traditional medicine declaring I was “fine” and yet I still couldn’t function, and patiently going to one specialist after another, I focused on reading positive books, reviewing everything I ever thought about positive thinking, the law of attraction, prosperity consciousness, and some lighter topics like forbidden ancient history.

Oh, and out of frustration in not being able to record the audio of my book Living Out Of Darkness, and do much else with it, I burned it. Yep, took a copy built a ceremonial release fire, and toasted it along with a pile of shredded medical bills. Very satisfying on many levels. And now a whole new rewrite is underway linking PTSD, Bipolar Identity Dis-Ease, and organic shaman training, and how incredible the experience can be leading to an exquisitely expanded connected interior life and being of service to others seeking soul revival. I can’t wait to finish and share it with you.

So what did you learn George?
Those who know me and love me, had faith even when I didn’t. I am HUGELY grateful for their prayers and calls.

Advocating for my health was scary but new and important for me.

And guess what?
My dear sister finally got it thru my thick skull to see a cranial sacrial specialist, a 20 plus year experienced trained/instructor type. Who was able to find nerves and muscles and traumas stored in the body(car wrecks, bike wrecks, and other unnamed adventures which seemed like a good idea at the time), which released the symptoms causing the shutdowns.
And, traditional medicine incidentally found potential life threatening challenges, which after further determination can probably easily be taken care of.

Did I attract this? Really???
Did I learn and benefit? Yes.
Should I feel guilty about negative thoughts and actions, which manifested a 3-month shutdown of my life? Really?
Here is what I accept after a long night of searching my soul. I accept that I have a conscious mind, and an unconscious mind. I accept that a percentage of my thoughts are positive, and a percentage of my thoughts are negative. I accept that my thoughts lead to actions.
I accept that my positive thoughts and actions lead me closer to the hell yeahs in my life, and the negative ones help create contrast, in which I have my PRACTISE of positive thinking to help me flow with it to a better place if I choose.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that contentment in the moment really is the key to prosperity, and it’s ok to be hungry to expand the experience of our soul assets in the world. Soul Currency, by Ernest D Chu and Relax Into Wealth by Alan Cohen

The willingness to forgive not the condoning of behavior in myself and others opens the door for healing. The “Oh Shit” Factor, by Gerald G Jampolsky

And when all else fails, find a good body mechanic with a tradition of energy work based on empirical science. Your Inner Physician and You. By John E. Upledger.

Oh, and don’t forget, even though your life may appear to be shutting down, create treasure maps, and
Give your brain;
Visuals, lots of pretty, exciting, words and pictures.
Smells(I attached a Maui car freshener to my wall),
Play-Hot wheels of cars I want to drive attached in 3-D fashion
A tasty can of Maui Onion macadmia nuts, instant visceral JOY.
Oh yeah and made a piggy bank so I could pay myself a million bucks(compliments of my handy dandy copier) every time I felt like I was helpful with someone in person or over the phone.
Oh and I set up a LEGO table to build things with my hands that I wanted to experience like an awesome all terrain remote living/adventure head quarters.

I’ve been led to the startling conclusion that the first 40 years of my life riding the current physical frequency address of my soul like an off road dirtbike/pleasure consumption device that my mission statement for 2011 will once again be real simple(last years was Soul Happy(which I gotta say worked big time)), anyway, my mission statement for 2011 is Body EASE. Yep, time to take the body in for a rebuilt and maybe attempt to drink more water than coffee, and visit the salad bar more frequently or maybe I’ll just figure out how to become the Keith Richards of new age body rebuild systems, hmm.

Of course, the devilish side of me always says: If I ever make it to old age(what ever that is, my mom and I have yet to grow up, and I slap anyone that ever attempts to tell me she is anything other than a twenty something running around in maybe a 40 year old body). If I ever make it to old age, it won’t be my fault, if I pass with location of final remains unknown, or with a shit eating grin plastered on my face, or homemade cookie crumbs on a empty Dominoes Pizza Delivery box precariously balanced on my happy Buddha belly, than I will consider it a life fully lived.

Ohh, that’s the doorbell, time to EAT!

p.s. all is well, I’m functional and headin back to work. The pit stop in my life was very successful! Thank you for all of your prayers, they carried me thru.

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