Manic Recovery

14 10 2014

Little bits. Big plans. Shame. Little things each day really matter. Peak experiences, big plans accomplishments, are all fun and good, but that which we have the most of is now. Little bits. Yes, I have the daily do’s, but its the little bits I be between the do’s that add up. I’ve been overcoming shame, empty, manic reset. It never ceases to amaze me how immune I think I am to bipolar’s down sides. Oh’ I’ve got it figured out now look at me roll. Hee hee. It’s ok, it’s not the first manic I’ve recovered from, nor do I suspect it will be my last. And neither did it require hospitalization, I didn’t even cash in my retirement.(which I have multiple times previous).

It was a little bit, that saved me. A positive personal habit I learned in boy scouts, personal financial management merit badge, or something like that. Not something I learned in school or other avenues. It was a simple budget, and practice over the years with being consciously bipolar that helped me catch this one.

I had some extended time off, decided to run the numbers, discovered I had blown thru my vacation money over the summer, and was even thinking about blowing a lot more on something I really really wanted, but didn’t need, but just maybe could swing it, yeah yeah!

I got to admit, just as I am good at soberly self regulating bipolar, I’m also really good at being functionally depressed, but I gotta admit, I’m best at being manic. My brain is at peak function, I could most likely argue and win any case in court, and facts or reality, don’t really seem relevant to me.

So I did a budget, got pissy about some facts, and settled in to a quiet bit of time off, focussing on what I can do to maintain my home with what I have on hand. I didn’t do all the things I wanted to, I walked thru a lot of self doubt and judgement. Yet at the other end of this, I can now see how close I was to making a huge mess again. And how once again, my simple daily routines, stretching, journaling, uplifting literature, are once again primary and important for me to start my day. Stretching for more, believing, accomplishing, are all excellent things we can definitely do, and be. Overcoming our manic brains, is also something we can do, with patience, time, willingness, and acceptance of our tendencies, and unwise directions, and decision patterns at times.

Happy Fall,

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