I leap, I expose, I express with blinders on to social fears and phobias. Exposed I look around and experience a vacuum. “Oh, others don’t see as I see, feel as I feel, have faith in exposure of realness as I”. Shame, I withdraw, I contract, I go negative dark, lonely, isolated. I forget.
I realize I am opening free and expressive, because I am me. Because my expression is who I am where I am what I am now. If I put myself out there as best as I can currently see, I can see where I am, and figure out how much I currently want and if I want to create anything else.
I see others like me. We dance we play, we are free to be who we are with blinders we wear to the “norms” of social society etiquette.
When I bounce on the bottom, I sometimes bounce back faster when I allow myself to see how beautiful I am and it is to be so expressively free. By being me, my goofy/wise/thoughtful/soulful me, I give others permission to be themselves more openly.
Many years ago seeing this realizing the value of being “out there” regardless of social comfort level, I surrendered my life to a power greater then myself. I offered if my goofyness, foolishness, realness can in anyway be of service to a greater good, then God, use me, let me be your fool.
Permission to be spontaneous is one edge of the sword when becoming functionally bipolar, and a necessity. Awareness of where the “out there” somewhat acceptable social comments and behavior “line” is, is the other edge of the blade of truth in living a fun, free bipolar life.
Sometimes I wish it were a pill, formula, or immediately teachable skill. I learned by trial and shameful error over many years. Yet each leap, and valley survival, has lead me to strengths and vistas of my soul I never thought possible, and a gratitude for being the unique character that I am, which fills me with joy and companionship with spirit that is always available when I reach out and allow connection to occur.
My message is one of hope for the silly goofy socially free expressers of our tribe, and a big thank you to those who play outside the book of “normal” thinking.
We inspire each other by being free spirits, in a curious society bound by time-honored rules. I realize now, some just want to play by the rules and live their busy lives. I accept that I see the grandiose big picture human potential and impatiently live in it as much as I can; even if it is momentary thoughts or small acts of expression.
Thank God for the goofy among us,
Livin it,
George
The "Living Out of Darkness" Blog 