Emotional Ahh

20 10 2013

ImageI am not the extreme of my past.  I am not the extreme mental and physical choices I made to cope/interact with the chaos around and inevitably in me.

Was my past since birth totally of my creation?

If not, do I have to prescribe my entire life to it’s chaos?

What if I’m actually a calm happy creative sane functional human, temporarily held hostage by the creation and wreckage of my first 20 years, and recovery from?

As I settle once again, from another emotional hurricane, I relish in the choices I’ve made to create calm functionality in my life to return to.  None of it happened instantly.  Yet it is possible.  Yes I deal with all kinds of anxious moments, activities, etc.  But there is a calm overwhelming routine to return to.  It used to be externally only.  I followed a calm path offered by others for years in hopes of it working.

My prayer today, is to encourage, all those choosing calm routines, in spite of current internal or external chaos, to continue their journey, no matter what.  If peace is possible for me, than I hold hope for you.

george





AAAgh

19 10 2013

LetLove“Sincerity seems to be born in desperation.”  George Denslow.

pg 57, Living Out of Darkness.

Emotional recovery began for me, when a loved one said,” Aaagh.  Enough! Go to al-anon.”  Nine months later curious, about alcohol, I found my way to the beginning of physical sobriety.  The emotional overhaul, 20 years later, is still ongoing.  I’m still not God of anyones inside or outside circumstances.  Thank God.  I’m still immature enough to assume from time to time that I know best and could figure everything out for everyone, and sillier yet, I get worried that it’s not happening.  Emotional Angst and turmoil is the inevitable result of such endeavors.  It’s simple really, people are going to live the trajectory of their free will, no matter how much I love or ignore them.  It sucks.  But it’s true.  People live.  People prosper and live well, people suffer, and eventually pass on.  Ego maniacs with inferiority complexes like myself get to bump into this reality every time we think we know best.  I am once again reduced/empowered to pray.

God,

Grant me the serenity,

to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom,

to know the difference.

Please God, help my loved ones today…

g








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