Canary Blues

26 05 2014


photoThe aaaugh big plop stillness of home ease at last. Sweet stillness. Yes, crazy can be normal, crazy can be stilled. Most people survive cope the crazy but never realize the still, addicted to fast, how we miss the chill of quiet time. Are we really crazy, or are we under stilled?

Create, be peace. easy right, yeah, less then 24 hours ago i was numbing myself thru food, drifting thru the endless 50” media delivery system running from the piled angst.

yet clouds shift, sweat, creativity, water, ignore world…

but not all of us can escape the rat race. True.

I don’t speak for rats, I speak for “crazy” drifters in time such as myself who failed the homogenized current culture society test.

sorry, I don’t squeeze into the paradigms anymore or maybe the paradigms squeezed me out, no matter.

My point is. Life is good. Is it the current cover of what is hip? Nope. But it is also not behind bars, underground marked by a stone with beginning and end dates, or filled with an immediate life threatening addictions, or regulated in a mental institute.

My only goal, is to live my life, without being locked up again.

Along the organic path of discovery what I could and couldn’t (yet) do with my scattered unruly brain, I discovered/discover, moments of goodness inside.

Irregardless of past assumptions, first by others, taken on by myself. I’m not crazy. A bit unruly, sometimes no where near a box, and yes I have to bounce between the current culturally political correct ditches when trading my time and energy for room and board.

The deeper, and more lasting moments I feel of internal peace, the deeper I know, a much higher percentage of “crazy” people, if directed from within, and carefully nurtured by conscious companions, could achieve a greater degree of normal than expected.

It’s amazing what strange thoughts I come up with after unplugging phone, time, obligations, schedules, and just chill in my cave for a bit.

Are all of us required to keep the daily grind of life going full time? Are some of us required, to stop acting out crazy for a bit, and just chill into “normal”, unplug, sip, listen, relax.

Maybe us crazies are actually canaries, fed up with mines/minds, calling/guiding us back to simple.

Bipolar Thank YOu

25 05 2014

Work takes me to places where no human resource, counselors, life couches, coffee houses, “normal” life after work activities, communities exist, yet friends, coworkers, production quotas, schedules, and industry exists.

photoYes, I have a “day” job. Yes I have a soul job.

Bipolar- Dis-order- is an unintegrated, untrained, unfamiliar organic shaman, – with horrific, heartbreaking results, at times.

Bipolar Order – ancient genetic tradition of being there, allows unspoken, common, everyday unexpected unexplained upliftment

How else can I describe it?

Bipolar is a duality gift. Unmedicated, organic bipolar, is an ever fascinating, agonizing, fulfilling journey inward/outward, expanding.

Big thing though, in the midst of it all, I cannot deny a calling, to be present on tap, irregardless of whatever current internal personal mental drama exists. I used to self identify with trying to be there for everyone, everything, “ON”, all the time, what a colossal burn out, I became/am at times, was.

So I don’t seek out “shamanic” duties anymore. But when they present themselves, I allow. It seems to work out better that way. Listening for the energy flow of genuine need to assist a fellow traveler, rather than needlessly interject before time is ripe.  Words not always needed or required.

Part of my exhaustion stems, from work, part from human services rendered. I am grateful.

I am also extremely grateful to be back in my cave/personally designed asylum/ and bubble thru the layers of raw.

If you are a bipolar person. If you choose consciously or not to be of service to people in existential need, thank you. Thank you from all of us receiving the benefit, of your natural genetic gift, to see, know, and be present for real moments between souls in need.

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