Alaska Sisters, Rock!

30 09 2013

AKSista2

My monthlong ordeal of fearing an event at work has passed.  THank God, and an awesome Alaska Sister!

I wish all of us could have a tough chick, REAL run/camp with wolves Ak sister.  In the heat of battle when my butt was kicked by day 1 of a 2 day from hell work event.  I called my sister.  She listened, encouraged, and then got to it.

You have a smartphone?

…yeah,?

download rocky theme,

?

go to treadmill and walk till you drop,

sleep,

wake up, do it again,

Yeah.  She saved my butt again.  Reminded me I’m human, a good person in-spite of current external events, and to pick my butt up and keep going forward, cause and she quoted me this time, “I’m too stupid to quit.”

I did.  Downloaded Rocky, stayed in motion till sleepy, got up at 3am when anxiety mind woke up, and got back on treadmill.  Second day went much better.

Bipolar Disorder Sucks!!!

Sisters, trusted loved ones, that I can call in times of need and otherwise, ROCK!

Life is guaranteed to continue kicking my butt from time to time.  I can either join in the fray of finishing me off with my own mind, or use it to reach out to someone more clear headed, to kick my whimpering butt back on track to deal with reality as it is happening.

I’ve run.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve quit and run screaming into the dark night 1,000 of times for years at a time, but so far, I’ve also picked my mind and body back up again, at least one more time, and kept going.

Bipolar Dis-Order SUCKS!!

Bipolar-Order, Rocks!

Day one my butt was kicked, I was as prepped as could be but became overwhelmed.

Day two, with the night time ring side coaching by AK Sister, Bipolar Order, kicked in.  Because my mind did it’s thing in hyper mode all night, I probably analyzed the situation at a far superior rate than a “normal” mind.  Came up with a plan, and executed it perfectly.

We can choose to cooperate, nurture, support, protect, our wonderful Lamborghini Brains, or assist in their self destruction.

I know not all people on the planet are able to have 100% Alaska Sister in their corner of their mental boxing ring, but it sure would solve a lot of problems.

Chin up,

George

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Choose Calm, Please.

8 09 2013

Let us choose and practice calm this week, please.  ECalmverlasting peace, may or may not be possible, but I know from the dark side of internal hell, that practicing calm inside out, in spite of current external insanity, that choosing calm, again and again inside, can lead to calm outside, and even help transform a life.

Can we as individuals in a country choose to be the calm ones this week?  I know fun, celebration, and creativity are all great and a part of life, but just this week, could we celebrate internally calm instead?

When I travel, can I chose to tolerate irritability, and release when the situation passes, instead of escalate, and never forget.

When I interact with my coworkers and boss, can I accept my role on a team to complete a task from which I’ll receive food and shelter for a day, instead of get caught up in the current pettiness which will soon be forgotten next week.  When I have a moment to catch my internal breathe and renew, can I enjoy the current scenery i’m closest too, instead of dwell in anger, irritation, or harder work to get where?

Can that which I help create and enjoy today, be enough to bring calm in to me, rather than obsess about that which I currently think I need to feel the illusion of safe forever.

Can I be the calm in the room/situation/conversation?  Can I offer a little extra calm, to humans, in all walks of life/position/power/age/affiliation, in Syria this week?

Can we as humans, choose a little more calm, a little less fear this week?

Is it possible for us to avert more violence, with less internal aggression?

Calm, please… 

george denslow





Acceptance

4 09 2013

FaithEvery now and then, the sh#t hits the fan, and fear dragons threaten everything.

I’ve been in one of these times when fear seems to be the overriding theme.   It’s been an intense growth cycle this summer, thank God, it’s drawing to a close, I’m not sure how much more growth I can stand before calmer winter energy settles in and I can get on with good old fashioned depression.

Much simpler to deal with depression, go through the emotions, physically nurture, etc.

It’s pretty much a rote routine for me to deal with it, almost a friend I miss in the frenetic energy of summer.

And what a summer.

 

Anyway, Acceptance.  When all else fails.  Accept.  Surrender, get on knees, in FAITH.  ???

Yes.  Believe it or not(I keep re-membering) there is knowledge I do not know, events I can not foresee, and good possible outcomes, I can’t predict or create in my mind before they occur.  I can sure give myself a dark ride before hand if I chose.

This has been my internal battle as of late since receiving some unwanted news of a future event, with imagined disastrous outcomes.  Typical behavior of a wanna be manic  overactive semi/full paranoid mind.

So what do I turn to in times like this?  Drugs, nope, tried that 20 plus years ago with disastrous results.  Alcohol- same.  Food-not working as well as it used to and cravings to be fat and floppy have diminished radically, even started exercising again.

Oh yeah, wait a minute.  How about begging God for help, writing in my journal my worst nightmare scenarios, and crossing my legs, closing my eyes, and …wait for it…being calm and listening, or listening and becoming calm.

Does it work all the time or instantly? not usually.  Somewhat dependent on my current sincerity level and severity of my wandering from my practices of cultivating calm, awareness, and faith.  Which to sum up has been the harvest of this summers internal growth season, duct tape my mind and mouth, get on my knees, and ask how can I best serve and be served, teach and learn, with those I’m currently interacting and or struggling with.  How may I best interact with the current people or situations in my life?

The biggest prize of this summers festivities, has been exactly this.  When all other self delusional activities fail, and sometimes even before.  Accept.  There could be something bigger than my ego of fear involved that could be guiding me to an outcome better than I ever hoped or expected possible.

hmm. yup. it’s been a back to basics experience, of which I’m grateful.  Regardless of my social/learning/relational dysfunction, and for lack of a better word, PTSD, I’m still a good person, creating a life on earth with others in a human body.  I chose daily, whether to ramp up the crazy, or settle deeper in calm.  Accepting the mixed outcome, and over time winning a calm inner faith experience appears to be an internal gift, that keeps expanding, thru every internal, and external real or imagined disaster.

happy harvest season,

george








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