Headmate Therapy

 

(not recommended), yet undeniable.

I used to complain about my roommates at work, until I was quietly reminded that wasn’t possible.

hmmph.  FI?NE, it’s my headmates fault.  There I said it.  Anyone else have to deal with headmates?

You know, the healthy one, “it’s time to sweat,”

Or, hey, I know where the last piece of chocolate is.

Not all headmates are evil or healthy, some are interesting, worth listening to etc.

My favorite headmate, is the gentle one.  He likes gears.  He always helps me find a gentle slower gear, yet encourages me to continue, no matter what, even when the messy diaper baby shows up and cries me no wanna.

Fat lazy self is convinced I’ll be a couch pig forever.

gentle one, waits till after a show, tricks me to stand up, and once in  motion jams an image of bike riding on my head screen, and off I go.

Then I’m really in trouble, because,

oh yes there is more.

Than the JERK, kicks in and eggs gentle one on to keep pedaling because eventually the body will warm up creaks will go away, and a smell, a site, discovery, idea, shiny object in any form, will kick in,

ADD boy, and oh wow, I’m on a bike, it’s sunny I’m outside, what this thingy?  twist, hey I’m going faster,   WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Trust Time

Bipolar is a now moment.  Trust Time.  Bipolar Dis-order has a lot to do with time, the insanity of and the healing in.  I’ve gotten into a lot of crap in life with bipolar dis-order.  Patience and time, has helped me to sort it out, and see the benefits OF, bipolar.

In a blizzard, -30F, the other day, a simple drive to another remote location to fix a communication line, I remembered a lesson an old fart told me the last time he had to pull my truck out of a ditch, “because” of a blizzard.

He said, “George, the truck don’t get stuck.  The truck don’t get lost, you’re the idiot driving it.  Blizzards aren’t a constant.  Just stop, wait a bit, it’ll clear, and drive forward a bit.  You’ll git thru it, just don’t rush it.”

Where we were standing while his crew was hooking up to my truck to pull it out, was clear and sunny.  The only evidence of the “blizzard”, was the majestic wind blown snow.

24 hours earlier, I’d driven off the road and spent 2 hours trying to dig it out because I didn’t want to ask for help, or fill out all the paperwork.

I lost my way, in a blizzard, yet if I’d stopped, and patiently only gone forward when the way was clear, then I would have been ok.

I don’t know about your bipolar experience, but mine kicks up blizzards quite a bit from time to time.   I get all spun up about some injustice, and take action, seemingly right at the time.  Not sure what the average of actual change is, but I am effective on occasion, and I gain experience on how to deal with the fall out as well.

Yep, I kicked up a bipolar blizzard again at work, and now I’m patiently waiting for a moment of clarity to move forward again.

george

Rebellion

In light of the current chaos I instigated at work, and a message to my rebellious nature, i’ve found and reprinted this blog from. 2/20/12

Bipolar Disorder gets part of it’s bad rap from misunderstood rebellion, or rebellion for the sake of, born out of frustration.  It is a huge gift/response-ability to see potential, and a huge maturity process to learn how to survive as a functional soul in our society with a proclivity for status quo.  Yet here in lies one of the major ruff spots I’ve discovered for being bipolar.

How do I successfully negotiate the inner uninhibited drive for seeing/speaking positive change and possibilities enough to feel I’ve honored this gift, and not be so crushed in the process, I lose hope?

The natural rhythm of being bipolar is tricky enough, with active resistance of a safe based culture, it can be brutal.  At times I’ve rebelled no matter the cost and experienced mixed results, at times I’ve fallen within, and experienced an inner numbness which leads only to a deeper darkness.  This always leads to the question, which came first chicken or the egg with bipolar.   What I’ve discovered over time is that the extreme dysfunction of bipolar can be lessoned as the sacred role of visionary is honored (first from within), and the skill set of learning how to interact with society, while honoring the inner drives is danced.

So what is the trick/methodology/purpose?

What I’ve learned, is first and foremost that I am experiencing the inside of a sacred societal role, which is not always appreciated or honored, and is often sacrificed in the process.  This was huge to discover, accept, and appreciate.  This was mostly through the study of shamanism, and the personal lives of visionaries in history such as Abe Lincoln or Leonardo DaVinci. When I could relate to their struggles before they experienced success in their life, I could understand better the inner human process of being unusual in society.

I’ve also learned it is part of my own physical personal vitality to act on what I see as best I can in some way, even if it can only be done in the safe confines of my own mind.  This was the beginning of internal mental freedom, which began to separate the immediate need of external actions without much thought that often got me into trouble and mixed results from my original good intentions.

I’ve learned holding the vibration/images/visions of positivity in my own being, is like water melting ice, eventually I met other like minded individuals, and I didn’t experience life as isolated anymore.  My first contact was books and writing.  It is also a source of renewal when my journey is solo.

Lately I’ve learned to let go of results, because my ego gets tripped up in them, and instead embrace the process of gentle change.  This allows me to play a long term inside role in society, and enjoy a “life” in the process.

Learning this process of being an active visionary, which is inherently connected with my vitality and well being is a huge subtle ongoing force.  It is the driving factor for continual discovery, which is a fascinating and renewing inner journey as well.

If I were to have a point today, it would be honor your role.  It may not be easy, fun, or appreciated, yet it could be vital.

If you find yourself struggling inside today with the forces of visionary change, and the urge to act no matter what, I honor you.  Thank you for being an agent of seeing and creating positivity in our culture.

If you find yourself lost or numb in your day, I offer you a moment of acknowledgement, rest easy, and may your next moment of change bring a new hope.

Change on,

George