Knock knock how’s your soul being?
I’ve had a rocky re-entry back into life and had to dig around in my toolbox and actually make myself initiate deep breathing exercises, and watch my mind freak out over the next arrival of b.s. to distract me from what I’ve discovered as my next Hell Yes.
A friend of mine emailed me today, how’s your vibe? A solid 5 minutes of typing later I realized yeah, surf is up on planet George. Another voice popped up, hey, if your bipolar is in swing, why not blog about it. OK.
When did you first notice your symptoms were up George?
1 day I’m in the Dark cave. Next day I feel the universal cosmos of love surging through my chest in a very physical wave, I would even call it a positive catatonic state. I just allowed myself to sit and feel a solid wave of energy cycle through my entire being.
Up, Down, In, Out, basically all over the place.
Here is the cool part.
I’ve been irritated and observing.
Irritated because this has not been the me of late. About 3 months ago I felt a shift of identity from being bipolar, to actually being a calm person, and letting that be my primary experience, or ego residence. I’ve been walking through the normal amount of chaos, which would usually set me off, and been relatively stable. It’s a new approach for me to assume, what if I’m actually a calm person, with an excellent life, and the wiggy stuff only occurs occasionally.
Anyway, when this new round of stuff in my life showed up, I was able to observe it from a calm state, instead of being inside the chaos assuming it was me. It’s a shift of perspective I’m grateful for.
It allowed me to be irritated at myself for creating chaos, and able to take direct action towards stillness much faster than wallowing in and generating more chaos.
So what if I see/know/feel/experience/create/ life much more intensely than it would appear a majority of people I know, I can still live my amazing life in a point of stillness.
I realized this morning, I probably suffer much less, because I have much less resistance to chaos, upset, disappointment, and internal darkness, because I observe and release, and if necessary get still and feel it, until it is ready to go. My practice is to remove my mind/ego/story/action as much as possible, I just let it be sensation in my body until I feel calm, or ready for the next activity. I don’t always have time for this, but when ever I have a moment to choose stillness, or create more busyness, I usually choose stillness to catch up on letting go of sensation and ego story.
So back to my friend emailing me.
What I discovered was, what really is going on is my new commitment to the biggest Hell Yes I could think of in my life. Music. 10 minutes a day on my guitar, and getting coaching from an amazing accomplished musician already successful with what I would love to create in my life and be able to experience from the inside with my soul.
Immediately my insides calmed down, my body took a deep breath and I knew, the Soul YES in my life is the focal point, all else is contrast. If I commit myself to the soul focal hell yes point in my life for 10 minutes/day, all the rest will work itself out, one way or the other. What I’ll remember from this chapter in my life, is what I create with my soul, not what I worry about with my mind,
IF,
I double dog DARE to allow myself to continue investing in my latest greatest SOUL YES.
Peace ON!
George
The "Living Out of Darkness" Blog 