huge know, BIGGER YES!

12 01 2015

IMG_5643From time to time in this journey I’ve chosen big knows, sometimes planned sometimes not. Either way, I check in with silence over time to sense the choice, to trust intuition. Was this or that let go a hell yes or no. Sometimes it’s a partial, and years go by before I feel the bigger yes redemption. Family drama, place of upbringing, drugs, alcohol, jobs, friends, plans, possibilities, ego convictions etc fall in this time sand…

The stepping away point is often a huge bipolar wave wash for me, especially if it was unplanned, dramatic.

And yet, over time, intuitive redemption, a deeper, calmer, slower simpler truth, a bigger ahh awakening, bubble up from the depths of time.

Sometimes I try to force the healing, sometimes I’ve stepped back in for a redo of previous untruth illusions. Usually disastrous re-runs, with even messier endings ensue.

IMG_5457Truth can be evaded, run from, delayed, ignored, temporarily pacified with distraction, yet truth is.

While integration, redemption, intuitive visions may not always be easy to be patient for, it can be incredibly eerily calm, and strengthening when they do arrive.

Please trust your calm intuitive bipolar visions, for me, they have always led, to a much bigger deeper quieter, yes.


Shame Lock…Release

24 10 2013

SoulvelutionI’m undoing a shame lock in this moment.  “Delusions of grandeur”.  I would like to reframe this, and remove stigma.  I am a visionary.  I see that which is possible.  I struggle with bringing it to reality.  It is the struggle, which brings me peace.  If I were to stop at delusion.  Cut the soul sight before grandeur is given a chance, what a horrible world I/us/we would be.  Grandeur is the potential of past visionaries we are now living.

Shame, locks us up internally, and rips grandeur to delusion.

Unlocking shame inside can/is brutal at times.  Easy path hide.  Harder path, create, no matter what.

I turn my grandeurs into reality, with one simple habit.

Positive daily routine.

Currently my family is dealing with parental life stage transitions.  Many conversations, many stirred up monsters and demons, PTSD reactions etc.

My past me, the one locked in shame and delusions of grandeur, would hide in my bed, and watch the horror 24/7 family news cycle in my head.

The me of many years, trusts creativity, soul work, emolution(new word), and getting on with life, no matter what.

How I do this is simple.  Coffee today, taking stock of life, oh-I have family obsession cycle running in my head, mental note, must create and publish in some way cutting edge of soul, TODAY!!!

This is what turns my delusions into realities.  Devoting ten minutes or more of concrete action on current soul creative edge, ESPECIALLY when feeling obsession or shame or “too busy”.

Living my souls edge, keeps me ok inside, thru it all.  Good times for me, are now defined by what’s new news inside, and enjoying it outside.  The best physical things in my life, came thru me, because of carefully working towards them.

Any level of sanity, functionality, enjoyment, come from a commitment to paying attention to what is quiet and still, and THEN taking action.

Soul ON!


P.s. Emolution- the evolution of my emotions into creative realities.

Vision Calling

30 10 2010

We now interrupt our regular programming to let you know about visions.  It is vital.  End of message.  Did you “get” it?

Recently I’ve been dancing with body healing opportunities in my life, and living the “IF” question.  If you only had…  Fortunately it was only my mind and not my physical body that was convinced something disastrous was happening.  But it worked.  My mind freaking out really rebooted my vision.  My mind freaking out really rebooted my spiritual practices.  My mind freaking out really rebooted all the important questions in life.  Who am I?  What am I being?  Why?

Thank LOVE.  (I’ve connected with some really cool people on my healing journey as of late and decided to call the concept we know and refer to as GOD, back to what I see as a more true and original word of the concept; LOVE.)

Where was I?

Thank LOVE(GOD).  That my mind has been busy freakin out over turning rocks cleaning dusty corners and motivating me to re-deepen my well examined life.

And guess what?

I’m a dreamer, a visionary, an artist, a poet, and a believer in good possibilities.  I gotta say this feeeeels soooo good.  For many years a primary question in my day and re-focal point has been.  If I only had 10 minutes today, what is the most important thing I can focus on?

With this focus point of 10 minutes, I’ve been able to connect with and work on my visions, and bring a few to reality such as my book; Living Out Of Darkness.  I share with you now how incredibly comforting it is to face potential physical scenarios in ones life, and know, hold in hand, an accomplished reason for one’s existence, and a sense of relief for having fulfilled vision calling.

How dare I for so many years challenge the beliefs around bipolar disorder and manic depression, how dare I collect my discoveries, trials, and joys in a book? How dare I build my own field of dreams with my resources to hack a path through the jungle of darkness in my own mind, so that those who may be curious if there is another way, they can laugh, cry, and hope they might find a way as well?

How dare I not?

Visions are vital.  10 minutes a day on my current vision focal point are as necessary as breathing for me.  My ten minutes are the most sacred of my day because they keep offering up my insides out, and appear to keep affecting and creating in my life the most good, and the most sincere rewarding connection with others.

Please, please, please, share your visions with us.  Visions light our souls, and connect our souls.  Visions brighten our day, and improve the quality of life for those who follow.

And if you have no vision, please know I pray with you, and beg you to give yourself 10 minutes a day of sacred time and space in your life to sit and listen to your soul until your body leaps into action from an irresistible urge to LIVE.

Luv yous,


Gods Fools

25 06 2010

I leap, I expose, I express with blinders on to social fears and phobias.  Exposed I look around and experience a vacuum.  “Oh, others don’t see as I see, feel as I feel, have faith in exposure of realness as I”.  Shame, I withdraw, I contract, I go negative dark, lonely, isolated.  I forget.

I realize I am opening free and expressive, because I am me.  Because my expression is who I am where I am what I am now.  If I put myself out there as best as I can currently see, I can see where I am, and figure out how much I currently want and if I want to create anything else.

I see others like me.  We dance we play, we are free to be who we are with blinders we wear to the “norms” of social society etiquette.

When I bounce on the bottom, I sometimes bounce back faster when I allow myself to see how beautiful I am and it is to be so expressively free.  By being me, my goofy/wise/thoughtful/soulful me, I give others permission to be themselves more openly.

Many years ago seeing this realizing the value of being “out there” regardless of social comfort level, I surrendered my life to a power greater then myself.  I offered if my goofyness, foolishness, realness can in anyway be of service to a greater good, then God, use me, let me be your fool.

Permission to be spontaneous is one edge of the sword when becoming functionally bipolar, and a necessity.  Awareness of where the  “out there” somewhat acceptable social comments and behavior “line” is, is the other edge of the blade of truth in living a fun, free bipolar life.

Sometimes I wish it were a pill, formula, or immediately teachable skill.  I learned by trial and shameful error over many years.  Yet each leap, and valley survival, has lead me to strengths and vistas of my soul I never thought possible, and a gratitude for being the unique character that I am, which fills me with joy and companionship with spirit that is always available when I reach out and allow connection to occur.

My message is one of hope for the silly goofy socially free expressers of our tribe, and a big thank you to those who play outside the book of “normal” thinking.

We inspire each other by being free spirits, in a curious society bound by time-honored rules.  I realize now, some just want to play by the rules and live their busy lives.  I accept that I see the grandiose big picture human potential and impatiently live in it as much as I can; even if it is momentary thoughts or small acts of expression.

Thank God for the goofy among us,

Livin it,


Bipolar Vision

25 04 2010

“If you feel overwhelmed during the transition phase, shift your attention to the artist’s rendering.” Alan Cohen. A Daily Dose of Sanity, April 24th

Visionary gifts are the root of the solution for being with bipolar as an opportunity.  Raw bipolar sucks.  Bipolar with awareness, can lead to an incredible life.  The visionary phase, when the minds races the words flow the actions are animated, the dance in the effervescence of being and all is well, is a time to renew strengthen, and gather the thoughts in grounded form.  Thank God for dry mark boards, rolls of white paper and big hands to write on capture ideas.  Many times I used to fly high with bipolar, crash and burn, and stay down hard.  For many years I was so frustrated because I could see so much, and not be able to bring any of it to fruition.  This is the key to success for bipolar today:  Capture your vision.

It could be a pretty picture with camera or pencil, a song, an insight, a moment shared with friend or stranger.

If you already have captured a vision, spend a moment with it.  Look at it listen to it read it fantasize, dream, think, and better yet take a baby step action in it.

This is the key for happiness today:  Babystep in your vision.

This is the advantage of being bipolar.  Because we can be so inside of vision state, it can be our future reality, if we capture and take daily steps towards it.  Yes it is possible.

We visit vision on a regular basis, this can be a gift or a burden.  Daily babysteps release the frustration and doubt, and create the reality of it.  Walking away from our vision deepens our pain and burden of existence in emptiness.

Vision is also our reason for living when times are low.  The more we ground our current vision in daily life with ritual and babysteps, the easier our lows are to negotiate and find a way out of.

I lived years and years with no actions on my visions.  It was a pit of hell I wish never to return to.

I’ve been living in the realities of visions once hoped for many years now, do I still get down?  Yes.  I don’t however stay down as long or as intensely anymore.  And when I am down intensely, the comfort of daily life and positive ritual nurtures me through my low until I am willing to have faith and hope again.  With faith and hope the cycle of life begins again.

Bipolar is not always an easy journey.  The peaks and canyons can get exhausting, and yet the reward of focusing on our gifts is hugely fulfilling.

May your day ease into a deep gratitude your weren’t expecting,


OOOPS! OH well, restart.

22 03 2010

Hey George, READ YOUR BLOG, and follow directions.  ?  YES YOU GEORGE.


Remember, coping tool, RRRRRibit.


did you???



I had a blow out yesterday.  At the end of the day I reread my blog about just being a toad, and laughed till I cried because I did the exact opposite.  I took insult after condescending insult from my instructor until I blew up in his face.  He finally found and crossed a line in me I was no longer willing to tolerate and be bigger than.

So, with bipolar when I have a blow out.  It’s good old fashioned paper and pen journal time.  I like to call them after action reports.

on page 35 in my book “Living Out of Darkness-a personal journey of embracing the bipolar opportunity.”

I wrote, “it is very helpful to have a written reference in our own hand to go back to and try to figure out what happened.”

What I’ve figured out, is that I am scared.  I have a lot of stability in my life, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the career that I have because of the mental challenge, and lots of quiet time in between the action moments.

This time is over, and if I wish to continue with this company, I need to use less of my brain, and more of my body, in an environment I don’t feel comfortable in.

Yes, I could get a new job.  And, I feel so closely connected with my passion of sharing what I learn about my bipolar journey, I wish to linger as long as I can so I can nurture and grow my passion into a potential dream of being financially supported while full time sharing, living in my passion.

Because I am a dreamer.  Because I have lived so much in high states of mind, and survived low states to know the value of living what I am right now.  I am able to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and learn things that scare me.  My current job helped me to realize how smart I was, and how capable I was in figuring things out.  Now I get to learn how brave and physically skilled I can become.

Thank God for my daily routine today, of getting up and walking even when I didn’t want to.  Writing to help sort my brain out(thanks for listening), and reading positive spiritual literature to feed my brain something else besides obsession about my worries.

Thank God I am bipolar, and have dream of continuing to share my passion for it.

Thanks God, for all the people in my life that know the good that I am, regardless of all the other silliness I get involved in.

peace, hugs,



7 03 2010

“I do not need to prove myself to anyone or change to fit others expectations.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Can I have an Amen to Alan Cohen today?

“…have faith in yourself and your process.  Then you will not have to tremble before God, for God will embrace you right where you stand.” , Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Unique/Creativity= Uniqutivity.  It’s a new word day!

After they finished breaking the mold that I was brewed in they didn’t bother making a form that I could fit back into, THANK GOD!!

Here here for unique individuals that dare roam this earth seeking paths, which a byproduct is other’s cause to pause and reflect on the box.  Is there a box?  Box?  What box?

It is sheer determination to be me, no matter what, that has led me into, out of, and through so many challenges in life, and come up with so many unique solutions.  It is also what bonded me so closely to positive metaphysics when I discovered them from Alan Cohen and Unity, so many years ago.  I knew something was haywire in my brain, but I also had a belief in myself that I was this way for a reason.  It was through spiritual teachers like Alan that cheered me on in person and through written word that I was able to discover, hey guess what???  Newsflash:  Bipolar can actually be an incredible life altering ongoing daily spiritual journey.  Yes, drop the dis-order, seek the order, and better yet seek the opportunity your uniqueness is.  Whoa George sounds like you are on a soapbox.  Ok, Ok, I am.  I just want to share how important today’s lesson is.  If your current life is not fitting, please keep an open mind to the possibility of attracting or creating a life that is awesome beyond your wildest imagination.  Please keep the faith in your own individuality, and the power of a positive benevolent force, which is constantly conspiring for your good.  A big truth I discovered early on with this lesson was that anyone, anywhere, at anytime, can have a personal relationship with a positive power greater than themselves.

Be Free!


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