Compassion Renewal

21 11 2010

1) I am a source, not the source of compassion on planet earth.
2) If I am not the only source of compassion, who/what is my source of compassion?
3) What is my current level of compassion for me?
4) If my current level of compassion is low, what is my favorite 10min activity for reconnecting with compassion I can do be right now?
5) If my compassion is overflowing, what is my favorite activity for sharing which allows me to feel even more light?
6) Is it ok to be empty?
7) Is it ok to renew myself?
8) Am I aware of what empties me?
9) Am I able to let go of that which empties me, whether it is job, person, place or thing?
10)If I feel stuck with an emptying source, and wish to create a new reality, is it possible for me to believe in the options available to me?
11)Is it possible for me to be compassionate for myself and others, as I change/grow/heal/renew, even if those I love and care for professionally and or family chose not to?
12)Is it possible for me to accept that good things can come of me allowing myself to heal and renew, and it might even help those I worry about?
13)Is it possible for me to renew my compassion on a regular basis, and be even better at what it is I love to do, and even feel energized, because I can simply learn to let go, let a bigger source than me takeover, and yet still enjoy being what I be/do best?
14)What if my continual connection and renewal and letting go in me, allows me to create a deep feeling of caring/compassion/strength in me, which not only serves me, but it serves those I worry about the most even more?
15)What if draining myself of compassion into empty experiences I am unable to renew myself with is actually allowing negativity to expand?
16)What if allowing myself renewal and letting go, actually allows situations to get better because I am no longer a single source of help and compassion?
17)What if my active letting go, and taking care of myself, is actually a new beginning for others, to discover within themselves active sources of compassion within, even if they need to find it in the dark night of their soul first?

Writing what I need to hear,

Full Circle

20 11 2010

Oops, we forgot to tell you that your journey, NO MATTER WHAT, can bring you inner peace.
What’s up George?
What do you mean?
Anything can give you peace???


What if the gifts of your journey were your greatest assets?
Rummaging around in the back of my soul lately has been several concepts dancing around until they find the right mesh to emerge, this might be one of those days.

On my updated treasure map/wall lately I put up the biggest most outrageous dream vision I can think of, a collage of Oprah holding my hand as we chat about my book and the gifts of being bipolar.
Anytime I get outrageous and think juicy thoughts about possibilities in my life and even dare to cut paper pictures to help create what I desire and glue staple or paste even attach to my fridge with magnets the biggest vision I can currently think of.
Guess what follows?

Yep, you guessed it.  I’ve renamed my inner critic, as my inner engineer.
His opening round in my head was impressive.  He said, “What the heck is Oprah going to smile about when she hears your story, and delusions about the gifts of being bipolar.”
Here is the brilliance of life coaching in action with in one’s own mind.
This is why I’m busy typing and patting myself on the back for my absolute genius of being me.
I said. “OK Mr. Engineer, what the heck would I say?”
Fortunately my inner engineer is as big of a brain as I am with attached ego, and he didn’t hesitate for a second.  Inner Peace.
That stumped me, but I soon found the thread I was chatting about earlier wandering around in the back cave of my soul.
What if the gifts of my journey are my greatest assets?
What if my daily practice of applying positive thinking techniques to the opportunities in my life for the past 20 years has produced a very toxic by product with a life of it’s own.
What if no matter what is going on, if I can somehow find my way back to a positive thought opening, I get hope in the present.
What if taking positive actions no matter what over many years has led to…here it is…inner peace for having taken the action. What if years of thinking positive thoughts, taking positive actions, has led to an asset in me which no car, relationship, job, house, financial statement, health issue, big or small, can take away.
Right George, I know you, you’re not peaceful all the time why just the …
You’re right Mr. Engineer (I give my inner critic a surname because he pays more attention when I stroke his ego), You’re right Mr. Engineer, would you please go back through the history in our mind and sum up the percentage of inner peace I felt 20 years ago verses today?  Would you please place on a scale the amount it takes to throw me off today verses….
OK OK OK, I get it replies Mr. Engineer.
Let me rephrase my original statement, positive thinking techniques consistently applied no matter what over time develop an inner asset, nothing can take away.  Yes crap happens.  Yes I get pissy upset angry angst etc etc etc.  But here is the newsflash, they are not the predominant themes between my ears anymore.  Do some events kick my inner guru butt much more than others? Of course.  But the next time around they don’t.
By the tone of my words it’s sounds like I’ve found my soap box which is not always a peaceful place because ego is usually not that far off.  So I will acknowledge right here huge gratitude for the events in my life these last three months that have led me back to that which I love to share with anyone, anywhere, whenever I can, inner peace.

Loving silence,

What if?

16 11 2010

I felt a chunk of my inner iceberg melt the other day.

What if I’m actually a peaceful still person and always have been?

What if people really have seen the inner me reflect through my inner darkness?

What if the extreme swings inside me are just a defensive mental reaction to compensate for the illusion of scarcity?

What if my bursts of anger are actually a surge of injustice when my outer world has not reflected my inner world of peace and stillness?

What if my last two years of sitting in stillness whenever possible has actually rebooted the being that I am?

What if I at last I can be the me that I am?

What if it is possible to relax into what I naturally am, a person obsessed with stillness, allowing the threads of peace to weave thru me, seeping into the ahh of inner soul connection expression?

What if I am the person I always immerge from my caves as, a positive minded happy soul?

What if all the crap I’ve created in my life, is just a reflection of the illusion of scarcity and chaos I’ve let myself collapse into in times of overwhelm?

What if I allow myself to continue this path of stillness and joy?

What if I could receive from this place of inner being, what if I could be rewarded for dwelling here, hearing the threads of peace re weave as needed?  What if I were truly able to let go of those I allow to trigger me, or I allow to suck the light out of me, or allow to be chaos long enough that I believe in their current illusion and make it my own?

What if I’m actually a functional being of stillness, light and joy, as naturally as breathing?

What if I’ve always been this way?

What if life truly is this easy?

What if this journey to my stillness, is the strength I desire to be stillness?

What if my distractions from inner peace have actually been this huge map of life and all the dressed up versions of illusions have led me back to the place I chose first as a child?

What if my intimate familiarity with all the illusion rides of scarcity in life have led me to be an inner peace guide?

What if bipolar is a very inclusive ride, to learn about ADD, PTSD, Depression, mania, etc etc etc, so that I could teach stillness from the inside out for the rest of my life in the ease of being me?

What if this huge illusion of bipolar disorder, manic depression, is just a childhood brain adjustment for dealing with vision and empathy of better times, created by an active imagination?

What if all the ways out of my inner hell, are all the ways I can teach anyone interested in their ease, with any size of bump or vision, become again who they really already are?

What if?


Knock Knock Receive

10 11 2010


Hmm, let me get back with you on that and what can I do for you, today?

It would appear that there is a whole generation of us new age healer types that have locked on solid to transmitting love caring and nurturing, and are completely clueless about receiving.

It probably has something to do with trust issues.

Oh how quaint and mushy woo woo George you are making me nauseous.

Hey pal, thank you for your service and love to the world but the last time I checked, your tank is looking dry and your headlights are a bit dim.


So what is this receive stuff you are chatting about?

In my sphere of influence lately I overheard “someone like you, who gives so much, deserves anything you want.”

This is where I stop the broadcast and reach out to all of my soul brothers and sisters on the healing journey attempting to figure out the lessons of receiving and have a collective virtual group hug.  Ahh, much better.  Thank you.

Let’s figure this out together.

Many of us grew up and learned how to be incredibly giving solo artists, with no thought of return(which is actually quite beautiful if you think about it.)  Many of us learned positive metaphysics from amazing spiritual teachers,  and have developed our skills to an exquisitely  deep soul level.

And many of us have lived small being big, transmitting huge energy soul assets, with out a clue about why our bodies were falling apart our souls were quietly suffering and being freaked out about our next food and mortgage payments.

So I’ll begin this discussion;  It would appear our next lesson to figure out is receiving.  We are excelling at giving, no more lessons needed there, we be that as easily as we breathe, now it’s about being willing to be nurtured, in as equal a way in which we give.(yeah, THAT big.)

So please join me if you will on this quest of healing ourselves and figuring out what the clues, crumbs, baby food lessons of receiving are about.

So far for me, the book Soul Currency, by Fred Chu appears to be amazing.  I think this guy has been thru this and can help us figure it out too.

Happy trails to you and receiving this fine day,


Seed Speed

8 11 2010

Lately I’ve been giving myself a lot of shit lately about my speed.  If I’m so blah blah blah, than why am I not XYZ.  Breathe, George, breathe.  Ahh, better, I’ve been having one of those mornings.

So that’s nice George what have you been being about it and why are you sharing this?

Because by allowing myself to be in the dark side of my moon mind, and allowing myself to be authentically growling while growing through the motions of being “spiritual”, drinking coffee(I consider 100% Kona coffee consumption a sacred time honored ritual), writing in journal all the crap floating in my head(ok so maybe falling asleep having the current drama tv show staring at me is not “spiritual”), and reading this new awesome book in my life, Spiritual Currency, by Fred Chui, breathe(apologies for run on mind flow sentences)(I’m getting to the point here).  Because of the dark side of my moon this morning, I’m arriving at an okness about me.  This is my gift to myself for allowing my current “real self” and “spiritual self” attempt to communicate with each other this AM.

After further spiritual study and the usual OMG I’ve done it all wrong self-judgment phase filtered thru I was able to soothe myself from my “spiritual” studies by playing guitar for awhile (probably the most spiritual thing I’ve done today).

I was still physically anxious and active so I tripped over my dumbbells and since I was feeling like one I decided to lift them for awhile, and then I got distracted by a mess on my paperwork table and saw an image of a treasure map idea to put on my treasure map wall(I’ve given up on small pieces of cardboard artistically arranged pieces of art) I just see image; copy, cut or rip, staple, WHAM, wall.  ADD?, yes.



I’m using a wall, large wall, one of many, to create a treasure map.  (Basic prosperity exercise, collect images you desire or uplift you of activities, things, and or experiences you would like to manifest, and create a collage to look at and help you create what you want next in your life.)

Let’s back track here.

15 years ago I was using the dashboard of my residency for a treasure map/altar of my “studio” while going through the Artist Way with Julie Cameron.  It was a 1983 used dodge colt hatchback (very small compact car).

Now I’m using a wall.

It would appear the inside of my seed.(living space representing inside of my head), is bigger.

If following the prosperity principles while living in a tiny car, have lead to living in a huge space, than maybe this stuff is real.

Maybe I’m not in the ideal soul flow I want to be in, but thank God I’m not satisfied yet, and I’m striving for more.  Maybe my seed is not speeding along and accomplishing like I think I should, maybe my life is happening exactly as it needs to.

Even if I haven’t manifested the “perfect” income source, at least I’ve manifested income.  Maybe I haven’t learned bipolar financial management, but at least I’m still willing to be in the game.  (I still get to be my own attendant/patient/manager of my own asylum/home/life)

Maybe life is not about the speed of my seed, maybe life is about laughing at my ridiculousness, and enjoying what is, with a delicious cup of Kona.

Thank you universe for the current lessons I’m obsessing about, and the physical comfort and lifestyle I get to dance it with.




Soul Surrender

6 11 2010

At what point is the urge of soul, bigger than the surge of ego?

Having been a “functional” person for many years of my life, and a contributing member of society, of which I’m extremely grateful having wandered for many years before I arrived at a functional mesh with society, I’m now sitting at a still point in my life with my soul and body, and negotiating what’s next.  Having studied positive metaphysics, meditation, etc, for many years, I now sit and mesh it with current body opportunities.  So I sit and refresh my emptiness, with moments of clarity, white puffy cloud thoughts interrupted by blue sky.

Forcing a seizure of function and reality in my life has never worked for long once my soul has left a situation be it job, relationship or living situation.  Forcing understanding or awakening from a mind meandering hasn’t worked either.

Yet, lately I feel a soul surrender, a re commitment to my soul.  At this point in my life I can cross off many little boxes in my mind, did this did that, fulfilled that tried this etc.  And, I can experience a level of frustration, angst, and emptiness.  Next to that I have another checklist of things I can do immediately to begin moving out of that space.

Being the internal daring adventurist that I am, I’ve continued my journey of temporarily suspending convictions and been willing to re-ask the once sought after questions.  It’s refreshing, scary, and messy.

The gentle voice inside has popped up two words today;

Soul Surrender.

When I nod my head inside with agreement to seeing/being in my soul even for yet just another moment longer of dwelling in the deep smell of eye peace, I get it.

IT, doesn’t really matter.  What really matters, from time to time, is manifesting these moments of boldly throwing everything I THINK about myself and life in the fire of my current discontentment, until my soul stares back at me through the flames of ego ash and knows, it’s ok.

What ever IT currently is that my ego loves to fester with, my soul continues, with or without my ego agreement and function.  Despite the airtime in my head, my soul knows, and is always in here with me, gently seeing allowing whispering, and loving; all of me.

Eyes with souls,


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