Rippin It

22 08 2010

I dare say, work experience for the month went very well.  I danced through all the usual upsets, pleasants, accomplishments and boredoms, and even got to tell my dear wolf pack of co-workers what I thought of their head games.  I’ve been pursuing a more open door policy with b.s. and using my feedback audio device(mouth/voice) as needed.

In our nice society, I think we’ve let real jerks who choose not to play the nice game get away with not having feedback which could lead to their growth.  So when mean people decide to use their mouth to be mean, I’ve chosen to be blunt.   When people have chosen to be openly neurotic, I’ve chosen not to listen, find a different path, and maintain my own sanity.  I’m done listening to and maintaining crap.  If I hear realness, sincerity and or an honest request for help, which gets past my organic bullshit sensors, then I’m there.  If it’s run of the mill crap, I’ve completely lost all interest.  I would rather dedicate my time to solitude with nature and spirit rather then invest false attention (politeness) to another’s illusion of ego or untruth about their limited self or current projected illusion of a less then whole me.  This may not be popular or PC, but I’m done with the PC game.  It may have done our society, corporations, and families more harm than good.

If more people let it rip now and then with out financial, social, personal consequences, than we could collectively dig to the bottom of what really may be going on, and how best to proceed as a group.

Ok, that’s me for today.

Being real,


Happiness Now

13 08 2010

“How could you find your happiness now by either shifting your attitude or doing more of what you love?”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose Of Sanity, July 26.

I think I’ve found a cure for my boss problem.  I’m paying less attention.  For years I’ve struggled with a harassment style micro manager, and I’ve let it take away from my work experience.  Because I enjoy my craft, the environment I work in, and the time off and money is great, I’ve been reluctant to leave, just because of him.   This summer I decided to spend as much time as I could outside with my body in the elements whatever they are.  Even if it’s a late shift or very long day, I’ve insisted on going outside for a bit to release the day in some way.

Today, I’ve noticed that the headspace I leased for obsessing about my boss (even when I’m not interacting with him) has shrunk considerably.  In fact I would dare say, I’ve become happy again at work, which I was for many years before he ever arrived.  This dumbfounds me because of how worked up I was about another’s behavior, yet a simple shift on my part altered everything.  Instead of giving up all the aspects I enjoy, I focused on them even more.  Wow, lucky me for sticking it out, and allowing the happiness to become more now.



Wired for Joy

7 08 2010

I used to judge myself a lot for being uncomfortable for not thinking like everyone else.  I didn’t react or act like a majority of the people around me when it came to basic situations in life.  I hardly ever agreed with the crowd and was usually in some form of trouble or disapproval, or inner shame from not fitting in.  What a pleasure life is to know from the inside out that some of us are quite simply wired for joy.  Our basic reactions are for fun in a good way, or a greater good.  Some of us know that good can be a primary focal point, and faith in possibility is always an option.  The more I focus on allowing this openness about my inner belief in the basic good of life itself, the more I watch inner angst and disharmony dissipate.  It’s like watching icebergs detach from glaciers and float away.  I was all frozen with fear because my inner fire has always been for good, yet I’ve allowed myself to buy into lack and shut down or freeze up a bit.  What a joy it is to not be running around fixing people anymore because of a belief in getting everyone else ok so I could be ok.  Now I quietly enjoy what I know to be true, life is truly abundant in all forms, and my reactions, to speak or be still in most situations, are worthy.

Trusting positive reactions,


Now Joy

5 08 2010

There is a great video on Youtube called a crash course in miracles, which has sent my mind and my ego for a good spin.  On some levels it reinforces what I’ve known for years, it’s all about the now.  On other levels it’s confronted my ego story on a whole new level.  It’s funny to watch half of my brain run around in circles when it’s heard a new truth and the other half play let’s catch the mind again this is new input to help be closer in the now. (Yes, it’s very silly and complicated in my brain at times.)

I’m also heading back to work, which ought to be interesting.  I love new age/ancient age concepts, and I love shoving head full of them right into the mud dirt rubber meets the road life.  It really takes the bluff out of them and causes me to put up or shut up with what works, and doesn’t work.

God is now, negative thinking in any way shape or form is the ego thinking about the past or the future, and causes an illusion or misinterpretation of reality to fill in the lack of vision for what is truly real.  Positive thinking is about the now and being with benevolent joy, which is always present regardless of where our current ego illusions have wandered.

So I’m attempting to replace my concept of God as now.   God is now.  When I am truly present with all that is, and release all mental illusion, I’m ok, life is a miracle.  When I attempt to leave now, and think about past or future, I’m not in the biggest place of joy.

Of course when I write it out it sounds all simple like I’ve heard it before.  What I love about discovering new thoughts is my mind’s ability to race around and obsess about it like a new toy.  For my work shift I now have a theme to revert back to.  When I’m ready to pummel a coworker with words, there is now one more chink in my ego armor for possibly averting the attack.  Being upset with someone is just about fear; fear is not in the now.  Anyway, watch the video if you get a chance.

May happiness envelope all worker bees today,


Dark Joy

1 08 2010

“I’ve discovered through brutal trial and error that my sanity is merely the edge of my ego.” George Denslow.

Another close friend called and said, “I’m on my edge, I’m looking over my own mental cliff,”(paraphrased) I smiled and felt joy.   Why?  I’m bipolar, been there, done that, have the training, and I’m here to help. Bigger than that, I love it when people get desperate and are at the edge of their sanity.  I’ve discovered through brutal trial and error that my sanity is merely the edge of my ego. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve slipped over the edge, lost hope and dwelled for years (at times) or moments in the hopeless darkness.  So why do I love it now? Grace.

When I, the ego, completely lets go, and maybe as I head out the gate think, what if I give that person, book, friend, phone, prayer, knees, etc one more try?  (It doesn’t seem to matter who or what it is, all that matters is giving up, and trying one last time).  Miracles happen, again and again and again.  Now maybe there are “normal” people in the world without such huge egos, and reserves of stubbornness such as myself that can surrender sooner to the power of good available to all of us, I just know it has been my process for many years.  I’ve taken life to the absolute limit of my current sanity, given up, and given one last hail mary chance act for sanity and been rewarded with grace.  This is why I laugh wiggle and get excited when some has reached the end of their darkness, and are sincerely seeking their path back to light.

After years of attempting to live in my own limited darkness, and now a regular resident in my light, I can dance and play with the dark ones.  I do my best to distract them from their dark, and listen patiently for them to share their next step back to light.  I don’t know why it works this way, I just know it does and I’m grateful.  If you are in your dark today, be of good cheer, you might actually be closer than you think, of surrendering once again to your own light.

Laughing at the ego monsters dancing in their dark,


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