Shift Happens!

21 05 2016

Shift Happened! At The Hapuna Beach Prince Hotel this week!


Alan Cohen’s Advanced Life Coaching Tribe gathered and created a lot of shift.
Good Shift. We shifted up, downloaded gems from teachers all over the world, and shared our life coaching skill sets with each other from all walks of life and geographic locations on the planet. And what a place to experience teachings, renewal, and to practice the life coaching skill set.

I haven’t experienced anything like this in over 5 years, and let’s just say my spiritual batteries disintegrated a bit back, yet somehow got me signed up, through my mind ego fear long enough to show up and participate. And I am so grateful!

Hawaii has a tradition of cities of refuge, for me, any Alan Cohen retreat, especially on the island of Hawaii, is just that.

If you are struggling with your spiritual connection and life “opportunities”, I could never recommend enough the need to connect with a spiritual tribe, and the chance to develop skill sets and connections with like minded individuals.

I can assure you, I never done it perfectly, become enlightened, left the darkness behind, but I have All WAYS, no matter how lost I’ve become in life, found renewal and hope. At times I’ve stayed connected, at times I’ve drifted, each develops a strength.

The biggest shift I received this week, was hope. It was also that which I needed the most.

Thank you Alan, and thank you Alan’s Tribe, for helping me seep back into light, again.

Dark Light Dance

26 10 2010

I came from dark tribe

When I was first seen by light angels I did not like or understand them.  I barked, growled, and hissed.

Light spirits in the form of humans verbally or non; teased, danced, played, encouraged, witnessed, sat still with, and sometimes walked away.

It was effective, very effective, for me.

The sucking energy sound when my dark illusion turned a light being away on their journey not to return cried my light hidden in my darkness back to life,

Oh no don’t go, I’m sorry…

I’m lost again.

No longer as smug with my darkness so well learned.

Abundant grace offers another light being, I pay more attention, I grow, dance a little, smile some,

angels leave again,

I cry light tears of joy in gratitude for the moment of light I felt even though my growls may have scared them away.

Finally I learn enough to not wait for another light angel, but to begin being a light angel for others,

One day I discovered I wasn’t the darkest energy in the sphere of my influence, I observe someone not as light as I currently am I shine my light, grin my ears, flap my weak angel wings…

And the miracle happens,

The darker one than me grins,

We feel lighter and freer,

Many light/dark day journeys have now led me to a truth,

My light dance is my freedom.

Deep breath,


Gods Fools

25 06 2010

I leap, I expose, I express with blinders on to social fears and phobias.  Exposed I look around and experience a vacuum.  “Oh, others don’t see as I see, feel as I feel, have faith in exposure of realness as I”.  Shame, I withdraw, I contract, I go negative dark, lonely, isolated.  I forget.

I realize I am opening free and expressive, because I am me.  Because my expression is who I am where I am what I am now.  If I put myself out there as best as I can currently see, I can see where I am, and figure out how much I currently want and if I want to create anything else.

I see others like me.  We dance we play, we are free to be who we are with blinders we wear to the “norms” of social society etiquette.

When I bounce on the bottom, I sometimes bounce back faster when I allow myself to see how beautiful I am and it is to be so expressively free.  By being me, my goofy/wise/thoughtful/soulful me, I give others permission to be themselves more openly.

Many years ago seeing this realizing the value of being “out there” regardless of social comfort level, I surrendered my life to a power greater then myself.  I offered if my goofyness, foolishness, realness can in anyway be of service to a greater good, then God, use me, let me be your fool.

Permission to be spontaneous is one edge of the sword when becoming functionally bipolar, and a necessity.  Awareness of where the  “out there” somewhat acceptable social comments and behavior “line” is, is the other edge of the blade of truth in living a fun, free bipolar life.

Sometimes I wish it were a pill, formula, or immediately teachable skill.  I learned by trial and shameful error over many years.  Yet each leap, and valley survival, has lead me to strengths and vistas of my soul I never thought possible, and a gratitude for being the unique character that I am, which fills me with joy and companionship with spirit that is always available when I reach out and allow connection to occur.

My message is one of hope for the silly goofy socially free expressers of our tribe, and a big thank you to those who play outside the book of “normal” thinking.

We inspire each other by being free spirits, in a curious society bound by time-honored rules.  I realize now, some just want to play by the rules and live their busy lives.  I accept that I see the grandiose big picture human potential and impatiently live in it as much as I can; even if it is momentary thoughts or small acts of expression.

Thank God for the goofy among us,

Livin it,


“Crazy” Mental Health helper

29 04 2010

I often feel neurotic between my ears.  I’m not a fashion model, financial expert, or relationship genius.  I also have little passion or energy for these human experiences.  I am a kinetic mental rollercoaster.  I often judge myself or see this as bad.

Today I realized this is actually a gift.  Because I am frequently neurotic, I am also obsessed with overcoming my inner mental turmoil and seeking the balance and sharing the gifts I discover to help me establish and maintain tranquility when I find it.

I thought about this for a bit today.

I would appear the very issues that I struggle and obsess with the most in my life are the very gifts in which I serve others the best with.

Hmmm.  What kind of a celestial set up is that?

If I were mentally stable, would my toolbox of organic holistic mental health techniques be so large and always expanding, would my sensitivity to other’s mental state be so highly tuned?

And here is the kicker that gave me a big ahh let go of all the crap circulating in my head today.

Because I am neurotic, because I have so much obsession with personal mental health techniques, because I have highly tuned sensitivity in these areas, because at times I exhibit immense unflappable calm in the middle of storms, I am often the one people in my “tribe” or local group come to for the big questions.

“When you pray who do you pray to…,”  “My mother just died…”, etc.

Or I hear, you were the only one I could think of that I could turn to.

Even though we may not be experts or genius’s in certain areas of life that currently receive societies approval, even though we may constantly give ourselves shit about aspects or areas of our life, we may actually be learning growing and sharing, that which our tribe really needs.

Is our mental health opportunities, a bad thing, or are they part of a grand design to have some of us focus on big, deep, issues.

The funny thing is to me, when I’m approached with a physical health, financial question, or regular life question, I can jabber out an answer with the best of them and still be clueless,  yet when someone comes to me and asks, “why pray, or is there a God, or what is the meaning of all this crap, I feel right at home.  I feel calm, I feel right, I feel in the moment, meant to be there, fulfilling my role and walk in this life.  Because that is the inner dialogue, bipolar has instilled in me.  What is the meaning of life, why am I high, why am I low, how do I get back to normal this time?

These are the gifts, bipolar gives us, gives me, in which I am deeply grateful for.


Faith Renewal

19 04 2010

It always amazes me when I think I know what’s going on, then life reveals something entirely different.

With bipolar it would appear I have a natural lack of inhibition to see and speak truth.  I can be placed in a situation and know and see the dynamics going on as simply as breathing.

When the lack of truth or denial of what I perceive to really be going on gets to a certain level, I do my best to speak my truth and follow social protocol(after years of attempting to learn it through trial error and grey hair).

If at a certain point I become passionate enough or scared enough about what’s going on, I usually blow my lid.

Afterwards I feel uncomfortable and bad about myself because I no longer like creating the physical mental and emotional feeling inside my body associate with anger fear and reaction.

My last work shift I came on all peaceful after my off time, and within two days was a raging idiot.  (this is the story I told myself and felt on the inside).  I didn’t fill out an evaluation for the class and just left feeling horrible for allowing myself to get so upset.

I come back on shift this time loaded for bear.  I felt antagonistic, ready to fight and defend myself, and be on top of my game.

Instead I’ve drifted into a gentle cloud and all the reasons why I love my job.  Spring, sun on the mountains.  Hanging out with long time friends after work.  No crisis work schedule, no hassles with boss, etc.  etc.

AAAAnd, the bonus round, as a very intuitive person, with extreme sensitivity, that I’ve slowly become aware of and sought out spiritual and positive metaphysical philosophy and practises to compensate for(ie:dealing with bipolar disorder and manic depression), I’ve become a defacto life coach.

In my remote work place there are no towns or local resources for helping people through life challenges when they occur here.

What I am amazed about is every time I think, it’s time to move on, I’m shown new people, new struggles, in a remote place I feel adjusted to, that need someone who is able to listen, ask questions, and listen more, as they figure out what they need to create or perceive in a new way in their life.

Also, an evaluator, and a fellow student called me about the previous class in which I blew up in and felt horrible about.   Both assured me my behavior was appropriate, the instructor was out of line, and thanked me for sharing my wisdom and truth about the situation, and asked me what could be done better in the future.

This left me renewed and dumbfounded on many levels.

It also affirmed, what is truth?, what is story?, and do I really think I know whats going on?

My gratitiude for today:  I love being who I am, and I really love it when I receive feedback, that who I naturally am, actually helps and is of service to others, who may not always be as aware of dynamics, or as trained in articulating perception when it boils over.

My affirmation for today;  I trust the process of life, and the divine intervention and guidance when it is needed.

In deep gratitude,



27 03 2010

I feelthh, goofyness.  YUPS, it’s the giddy time of the month.  Issues aren’t bothering me, work has been easy, I’m laughing, verbose, and dancing through the negativity.  I’m positively jolly.

I’ve observed my inhibition word editor in my brain is not paying a whole lot of attention.  I really wasn’t that interested in paying attention while I drove yesterday.(no worries, I’ll get really grounded before I drive today, or I’ll find an excuse not to drive and enjoy the inner bliss instead)

The joy of relaxing a little to be in the first stages of an upswing, and be able to pay attention enough to know, at some point soon, extra grounding exercises would be a good idea.

For the moment I’m joyfully happy, hopeful, and somewhat still calm.

Thank God for moments like this with bipolar where all is well and my highs and lows aren’t getting me into trouble.

Thank God I know the signs of when to slow down or speed up to get around the swings when they come surging through.

Thank God for the ease I feel in this silly moment, and all the smiles from people who can enjoy moments of levity from a goofy nut like me when I want to wag my tail and talk funny, even if I am “working”.



OOOPS! OH well, restart.

22 03 2010

Hey George, READ YOUR BLOG, and follow directions.  ?  YES YOU GEORGE.


Remember, coping tool, RRRRRibit.


did you???



I had a blow out yesterday.  At the end of the day I reread my blog about just being a toad, and laughed till I cried because I did the exact opposite.  I took insult after condescending insult from my instructor until I blew up in his face.  He finally found and crossed a line in me I was no longer willing to tolerate and be bigger than.

So, with bipolar when I have a blow out.  It’s good old fashioned paper and pen journal time.  I like to call them after action reports.

on page 35 in my book “Living Out of Darkness-a personal journey of embracing the bipolar opportunity.”

I wrote, “it is very helpful to have a written reference in our own hand to go back to and try to figure out what happened.”

What I’ve figured out, is that I am scared.  I have a lot of stability in my life, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the career that I have because of the mental challenge, and lots of quiet time in between the action moments.

This time is over, and if I wish to continue with this company, I need to use less of my brain, and more of my body, in an environment I don’t feel comfortable in.

Yes, I could get a new job.  And, I feel so closely connected with my passion of sharing what I learn about my bipolar journey, I wish to linger as long as I can so I can nurture and grow my passion into a potential dream of being financially supported while full time sharing, living in my passion.

Because I am a dreamer.  Because I have lived so much in high states of mind, and survived low states to know the value of living what I am right now.  I am able to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and learn things that scare me.  My current job helped me to realize how smart I was, and how capable I was in figuring things out.  Now I get to learn how brave and physically skilled I can become.

Thank God for my daily routine today, of getting up and walking even when I didn’t want to.  Writing to help sort my brain out(thanks for listening), and reading positive spiritual literature to feed my brain something else besides obsession about my worries.

Thank God I am bipolar, and have dream of continuing to share my passion for it.

Thanks God, for all the people in my life that know the good that I am, regardless of all the other silliness I get involved in.

peace, hugs,


Learning….FUun, right?

20 03 2010

Patting myself on the back for being a great voice of advocating what works and doesn’t work for me.  Laughing at myself for taking on an instructor that’s been in the field longer than I’ve been alive.  Scared because the career I’ve had for twelve years is disappearing.  Resistant to learning the new field they want me to go into because I feel no natural inclination or ability.  Spinning in small world fear.  Working towards big picture relief.  And a million other voices running around in my head.

Ok George, Choice time:  Lie here in bed and watch the brain spin cycle, or get up, put on every warm item I have, and go walk in the cold for 30 mins.

I am up and out the door.

Still scared but now I have fresh oxygen in my body, and experienced a few moments of less fear, and a few laughs when I realized I’m like a little guy doing the dog paddle between to huge super tankers.  On one side career is changing(dang it), on the other side my passion of gently allowing my positive message to grow by word of mouth, and being happy with the outcomes.(I don’t wish to submit to a career I have no passion or interest for, I don’t want to sell my soul to business in promoting or selling a product I may think is good but in the process become a stressed out marketed person).


Learning, growing, groaning, laughing at myself, and grateful.

My pressure relief valve for all of this was thinking about all the blogs I could write about bipolar, and making excellent food choices this week, and steering clear of coffee.

I’m in an environment that I could easily have major blowouts in all week.  I’m not exactly being a good and complacent little student, but I don’t think I’ve crossed the line yet.  Gee George, ya might want to slow down, that was just the first day.  OOPS! Hee hee.

Laughing again at myself,


Grumpyville or NewGeorge

19 03 2010

I am in a town, a remote town, in which I lived for 7 years as a very unhappy person.  I’m back here for a week taking a class for work.  When I slipped off the plane, got a car and began driving, I felt my shoulders hunch, my mouth snarl, and negative thoughts starting spewing around about how much I used to hate this place.  Kind of like a forgone conclusion that this place is horrible, it’s culturally acceptable to be a grouch therefore I am completely justified in being my old grumpy George.

Fortunately, new george was whispering in the back of my mind, “is this me?”  Do I recognize my current thoughts?  Is this really the way things are here?  What’s really going on?

Much to my surprise I had two pleasant interactions with people.  It puzzled me because this time of year most people have cabin fever big time, and shortness is the common accepted norm.  Later on I was driving around with my buddy I haven’t seen in a long time.  He was happy, I was the grouch???  I am living an awesome life in a warm state nice house close to the beach, and this guy is living here, and happy????

Watching my negativity between my ears all day I realized this could be a veeeeeery long week, or,

New George could take over and focus on all the positives.  I have access to a nice hot tub(sheds the cold), I get to hang out with buddies I haven’t seen in awhile(and they appear to be swell), and thank God it’s not as cold as it could be.  I also have much more food and entertainment options than I would with my normal work routine.

Sooooo, New George says phewy to grumpy george(after thanking him for sharing and giving him a hug)



Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,


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