Inner Mess

31 01 2017

So much of mental health, is not about today. I’m a whiny little boy today. Wordless moody helpless one year old. I don’t like it. I just want to cry pout throw a temper tantrum or two break stuff, repeat, eat something, and then take a nap. Not much has changed for many of us. So mental health and functionality becomes managing these symptoms. I didn’t wake up on my day off today, expecting to get in a tissy fit with my bank, but I did. There is no financial concern or serious issues, I was just in a mood to get in a fight and I did. Now the more mature part of me feels like a shit, because I was not nice to people being paid to do their job which involved obeying rules and the laws of time and physics, what a bother. I couldn’t instantly fix a semi complicated online banking process, that I screwed up a month ago(or more), and decided today, this exact moment I was going to fix it. Hmmm. Yes, whiny crying explosive, aaarrgh.

I’m in a new layer of growth, and to be fully honest, I kind of like it. Life was getting very simple, routine, and calm. So I was open to the idea of writing another book, and the first month or so flowed easily. Gee, when I write about something I might grow??? How audacious is that? What do you mean I might stir up unresolved feeeeeeelings and issues and be a bit grumpy vulnerable out of sorts? What do you mean the big picture relaxed attitude might not jive with the minutia of daily details. Waa Waa.

So do I continue this disastrous trajectory of my day, or figure out how to change my own emotional diapers, again. Euu, smelly emotional crap, arrrgh. Ok. Fine. What??? WTF, do I have to do.

Why thanks for asking, how about sitting down and shutting up, and turning off your phone, closing your computer and… …no you idiot, not right this second, but I admire your willingness. So, finish writing your blog, close your computer, and SIT, silently, for 5 whole minutes, AAAAAAAA. Trust me, this is not the first time I’ve wrangled your emotions in, this will work. And no 5 whole minutes, in the middle of your week off will not cause the world to end, that’s barely a fraction of a tv episode you would rather numb out in on netflicks. In fact, if you dared to give me a whole 20 minutes, I could really get you on track to a better day, like. Hey, sit for 5 minutes, then write for 10, yeah, ok. Ready. Set. Sit.

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