Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George





Choosing Feeling

15 03 2010

“What you seek is being broadcast right where you stand.  Your role is to receive…  How can you look at your life slightly differently so that you are aware of more good?”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  March 15.

I have been experimenting with this concept a lot lately.  The art of manifestation for me has recently shifted to focusing on the concept of be the feeling first, and the thing you desire will appear.  Or what do you want, what feeling do you think you will get from it, and access the feeling first.  If I can completely access the feeling first, than I may or may not need the thing or experience.

On a practical note, when I have felt “crazy” or anxious lately, I’ve switched my inner affirmation dialogue from I am peaceful, to I feel peaceful.  My previous experimentations with the whole manifestation process was to focus on tying all of the senses I could into the experience, what did what I want sound feel taste smell like so that I could be that much more inside the experience before it happened.   I have found it much quicker to simply say feel instead of am.  As I repeat this over and over my mind shifts.  Instead of trying to be I am peaceful, it shifts to body, I feeel peaceful.  Annnnd.  It’s been working.  Instead of staying in my head repeating like a mantra over and over again I am peaceful, I am peaceful, in an attempt to avert my current neurotic reaction to life, I simply affirm, I feel peaceful.  I drop into my body much sooner, I calm down quicker, and my reaction to whatever is currently bothering me comes from a different place in me.  It’s easier to see the different angles.

My journey lately has been choosing more carefully my body feeling instead of my head reaction.

feeeeeeling—grrroooovy ; )

George





God Hugs

23 02 2010

“If we are disconnected from our Higher Power, we are vulnerable indeed, easy lunch for every beast that lurks in the darkness…When we remember that the power of God sustains us, we can conquer anything.”  from Alan Cohen’s new book A Daily Dose of Sanity.  Feb 20th

No thanks God I’ve got it covered from here, thanks for you help, life is going well. (this is where we insert the game show elevator music as we watch in suspense while George attempts to drive his life from the front of the bus).

an enevitable undetermined amount of time later…

Sometimes occurs in a dark cave of mind, some times on the edge of a cliff(still in the mind), sometimes metaphorically over the cliff and screaming,

uh, God,   GOD,  HELP!!!!!

To be clicheical, (new word I just invented), religion is for those who don’t want to go to hell, spirituality is for those who don’t want to go back or want to find their way back out again.

Currently I’m in a bit of what I like to call a spiritual boot camp.  So far a mild experience.  My folks are visiting.  In all fairness I deeply and dearly love them and all my wars and battles with them ended several years ago, and now we are in a deep enjoyable friendship, which is totally awesome and amazing.

And….the drama and trauma which occurs is completely in my head.

It’s amazing how spiritually lazy I can get, and ignore my daily routine and spiritual practices.  In one way it’s way cool that I’ve been able to create a life in which I enjoy a lot of peace serenity pace, and activity that I can almost evaporate into and not have to proactively make myself do spiritual practices.  Naturally I do meditate, read blurbs, exercise but not purposely or forcefully, and it’s easy to let it slip.

It’s amazing how quickly when I feel a little off center or numb, I gravitate without hesitation, get up shower, gi gong, read spiritual literature, write, meditate.

It’s also so comforting to know, without the slightest hesitation, that God, spirit, higher power, is availible.

I like the call the moment I receive spiritual connectedness and physical relief, God Hugs.

Today was awesome.  I was feeling neurotic, got up did my daily routine, and now I know my day stands a much better chance of enjoying my time with my beloved parents, and not letting my head drama get in the way of discovering a story I haven’t heard from them or a special moment of connection.

Healing is possible for ANYONE, God is availible, ALL THE TIME, take it from a recovering neurotic dark hole cave dweller like myself, peace is possible.

God Hugs to ya on this awesome day,

George





A Daily Dose of Sanity

10 02 2010

A dark lonely troubled young man was given a copy of The Dragon Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, by Alan Cohen.  That young man found his way to a seminar, a weeklong program, and Alan’s other books.  What I discovered in that darkness, was the overwhelming gentle cloud that Alan is as a teacher and guide.  Almost twenty years later, I still attend his workshops, read his books, and receive his guidance.  Of all the discoveries I’ve made on my spiritual/metaphysical path, the words, gestures, and kindness of Alan, have altered the course of my life most profoundly.  No matter how much light, dark, cluttered headspace, or complete distraction I have shared with Alan over the years, he has always managed to hold up the mirror, so that I can more deeply profoundly see and appreciate listen to the wizard that I already am.  His most recent book, A Daily Dose of Sanity, is inspiring me to initiate another series of blogs.

Without the study and application of positive metaphysics in my life, my dance with bipolar would be more of a traditional label and downward spiral, as opposed to an upliftment, deepening, appreciation, and most importantly opportunity.

Todays affirmation:  As I fall in love with myself, I am in the perfect position to create a loving relationship.

This is perfect for me today.  As I journey away from a recent spiritual retreat with my teacher on life coaching, I let go of another layer of judgement about me, and let in another layer of affirmation of the beauty that I already am.  Recently I have been gently letting go a little more of a past love.  Today I tossed a favored hat/travel companion, back into the ocean, and watched the saltwater cleanse the memories, and woosh away the lingering of a memory I have dwelled in for a couple of years.  As I release the past, I am opening to the presence I have become in this time of deep solitude.  I no longer see myself seeking the perfect lover, or next soulmate, instead I feel myself relishing the soul opening that I am, and appreciate the next soul I get the pleasure of dancing with in any form it takes.  It may be brief and learning, or long and deepening.  Today I find I am ok again with the risk of loving another, knowing that I already cherish the uniqueness that I am.

This is new different and strange for me.  Instead of visualizing in advance and predesigning the next lover/soulmate/companion, I am trusting and opening to the universe to see and reflect in any form needed the next soul to play with as I circle closer and closer in the greater good.

My dose of sanity today, is to let go of my expectations, and open my soul to the next juicy opportunity of awakening.

Love you all,

George Denslow





Bipolar Rocket Science

10 01 2010

Yes Houston we have cleared for flight all systems functioning big ahh is being heard.  OHHH thank God mental phases pass.  Never ceases to amaze me how good my job is for me.  Bingo 2nd post of New Year and George has already lost it.  No seriously.  The routine of work is good for me.  I am completely open to retiring as a full time bum/speaker/blogger, yet and in between times, the discovery of a job I’m actually talented at and desire to get up early to do “spiritual” pushups, ie a little exe, Gi Gong, daily reader(with a positive focus), meditation.  I almost sprayed coffee again on a friend the other day when she said oh you are so spiritual and disciplined.  Hmm.  When a mental institution is in one corner of the ring, an alcohol and drug addiction which leads to cuddling up to dumpsters in another corner, and the ability to fly off the handle at any and all perceived idiots is in another corner, and behind door number 4;  Do these simple things everyday and you have a chance of being functional, and having preferred choice of activity on and off the job.  Uhh.  Hmm.  Walk around in a bathrobe and slippers behind bars, puking all over myself, yelling at anything, uh could you repeat option 4 please.  Yes, it’s called a daily routine.  Wakes up my body, mind, and spirit, and puts me on a path that leads to interacting in a semi sane way with most people and situations, and gradually leads me to improving the quality and options in my life.  Now add 20 years.  Nope, not disciplined and spiritual, just lazy.  I’ve discovered after much research in all corners of the ring, that taking care of myself, leads to a much lazier and enjoyable life.  Thank God for being bipolar today, so that I can cherish the simple and the profound gifts that have come to me from running from the dark results available with bipolar and into gifts which come from, spiritual practice.  KEY WORD HERE.  P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E.  What is it the black belts of 12 step say(I’m referring to the Al-Anon ers.)  Practice not perfection, raising a virtual toast to that one.  Which reminds me of an unmotivational poster I heard about yesterday that almost sprayed my second attempt at drinking coffee.  “Not all of us are capable of being astronauts, get over it”, well, fortunately for us bipolar types, we can rocket all around the place on and off demand at times, and when we teach ourself how to pilot our own minds in order to negotiate organic rhythms in our lives, then we too can see sights within beyond our wildest imaginations.

cruisin the good life,

George





Soul Happy

8 01 2010

Even though technically I’ve been depressed for a month, I wouldn’t trade it for a moment of bliss.  The stillness derived from the depths of patience with my inner soul openings continues to redefine my comprehension of capacity of peace within me, and deepen my loss of the definition of the word depression.

Was I active? Not much.  Did I think happy positive thoughts? Nope.  Did I sit and appreciate calm, stillness, opening to deeper previously untouched parts of me, YES.

Do I have any great plans, motions, insights, go forth go-all?s.  Only openess to the moment as it is.

Two words sum up this deep internal time of reflection(the beginning of my alternative definition for depression),

SOUL HAPPY.

that’s it.  that’s my mission statement for 2010.  In stark contrast to my 500 word essay last year detailing all the desires directions intentions of that moment in Jan 09.

How much can I let go this year, in order to let in.

Whether in solitude with benevolent spirit, or in the company of another human housed angel, how much in-to-me-see-allow, am I able to gently create?

How many extra moments in stillness am I willing to dwell in?

How deeper can my appreciation for simplicity grow?  Hot vertical water, warm tasty food, clean clothes, options for activity in day?

It was at the beginning of my bipolar journey many years ago that I embraced these simple things in life when self medicating through drugs and alcohol, and being institutionalized for 5 weeks at 17, took almost all of them away.

Now as I sit and reflect on my new definition of de-press-in)hmm, in clean clothes covering a clean body that has experienced hot vertical water and soap, tasty food, and deep sleep, all within the last 24 hours, I realize and renew again my commitment to being soul happy.

Having recently accomplished major life go-alls, and currently drifting in between guidance till next passion captures me, I’m allowing this year to be directed entirely by my soul, trusting allowing life to happen exactly as it is.  Letting the rush of excitment or need of my body energy lift me in and through each activity as it appears, whether it be feeling the warm water on my hands in the morning while cleaning last nights delicious meal off my white plates listening for the kettle to hum first cup gift from the Gods Kona coffee water is ready, or the warm feel of peace while exerting my feet on pedals after many miles on my bicycle, or the mutual nod of a travel companion become friend over the course of a casually initiated conversation amongst strangers.

This is my gift and gratitude of being naturally bipolar this last month, and being in a new year.  Able to see feel reflect deeply, and appreciate life that much more simply, because of my internal organic rhythms taking me away from comfortable mental states, and so deeply back into good life, in it’s most simplest and abundant form if I am willing to receive it’s whisper.

Happy New Year,

George Denslow

Jan 2010





Miracles Happen

2 12 2009

It never ceases to amaze me the power of prayer.  Yesterday I was slowly creeping out of a dark time on the inside that lasted about two weeks.  After a long prayer in the shower, and completing my daily routine, I was able to be a little bit functional with my passion of sharing the good of bipolar.(which is kinda difficult if I ain’t living the dream in the moment).  After a little bit of sucess, I was able to do a few more details.  The energy and the miracle of the day, came from the passion and truth that I am living.  Even though I started the day dark and muddy, I ended the day on a very clear happy energy.  In fact after connecting with a coaching club I’m involved with, I was so clear, I just had to go howl at the moon on a full moon bike ride(one of my top ten favorite things to do).

It never ceases to amaze me, how dark, how down, how lost, open and empty I can get, and how quickly Grace can restore me to full clear happy functioning and serving in ways I am uniquely created to serve best.  It just keeps getting better.

So many gratitudes, so many tools to share today.

The biggest was being willing to get on my knees yesterday, and ask for help.  It came in many big ways.

The most incredible and enjoyable was connecting with a conscious group of like minded friends who share a passion for helping others through life coaching.

My most favorite, was once my energy cleared allowing my passion to propel me around in the dark on my bike and feel the joy that emenates from me after a dark time has cleared.

“Problems are awesome, because the solutions can endlessly give dividends.”

Still Howling, eagerly anticipating sunset to ride again…and it may even be stormy!

George








%d bloggers like this: