Pay Attention

4 01 2015

IMG_5901These two words used to scare me as a child, I would often lose interest in the current drama of the moment, or be internally fascinated by new ideas, different points of view, usually contrary to a majority of people making decisions. I would often drift, when I had enough, or just needed a pause button.

Pay Attention, used to be a siren call/judgement handed down when I wasn’t being present to someone else’s 24/7 crisis.

I”m good at drama, really good, just wind me up and watch me go, but honestly, I prefer sipping details i’m usually unaware of;
dry leaves, skin moisture, shifting light in familiar landscapes, knowing the current temperature range from the sound of bug buzzes in the tropics or tone of squeak from boots on really cold snow in the arctic.

Bigger than that, if I allow attention to drift into these less headline areas it usually coincides with insights, which lead to healing, which leads to less generated drama.
When I’m in drama, it’s all about the drama, and paying attention to minutia is the least likely action, yet the drip off a leaf, focussing intensely for a moment on any organic item or picture, can sometimes/often, shift into big picture drift. It’s the magic of attention. Do I choose impending drama doom or fascination and openings today?





Millennial Affect

14 12 2014

IMG_5739I declare a new dawn for mental health and I have become a fan of the millennial generation. I wholeheartedly cheer and admire them for many reasons:

On a personal level when I began my organic mental health journey, such words were never combined. The medical professionals at the time, authoritatively said medications or else, I have since organically lived out and or thru most if not all of their dire predictions.

I’m now a little past the middle of the pack in the workforce. Established, nothing to prove, enjoying my job etc. I’ve been given the opportunity to begin mentoring millennial’s in the workplace and I got to say it’s a real joy! When I entered the workplace, after adopting many strange ideas of spirituality, it was a typical older generation judgmental non-supportive etc.

After first hand experience witnessing how a majority of the millennial’s are as individuals; how they interact with each other, their level of integrity, I’ve got to say it’s impressive.

Another level I see is, Great Hope, for people experiencing mental health opportunities because one of the first phrases I paid attention to from millennials was when I began hearing, no judgment, wow! and it’s true.

In the midst of a crazy day, who knows what was going on inside or outside of me I’m coping with details the best I can at times, and I’m pretty hardened to the fact that the world I come from, the culture that I grew up in, and have lived a majority of my adult life, judgment was standard. I knew I was crazy outside of the box etc. yet I still was bound and determined to function, however I could, regardless of how crazy I looked and felt, because I was going to make my way in this world organically no matter what.

Hiding my “crazy”, and spiritual solutions to crazy, has been a primary society survival method. Here come the millennials, I don’t feel judgment, I don’t feel a lot of drama, I feel calmer in their presence, then I’ve ever felt with the generation that trained me. What a relief!

It’s funny, I’ve been immersed in spiritual new age culture for 25+ years, and yet my experience with coworkers under 35, and this is why i’m such a huge fan of them, I learn spirituality from them every shift, in an industrial workplace .

When I began in the workplace, a spiritual approach to mental health and coworkers, YEAH RIGHT. Yet, I adapted, learned, and became good friends, and as my mentors retire, I am relieved to know that I’ll be working with millennials, and can’t wait to see what their kids are like, until I retire.

I’m excited and relieved from my position in our evolving culture, we really are getting better at dealing with mental health, I can really see a day where we will get to bipolar order, bipolar awareness, bipolar celebration, I am extremely grateful for this and I am a millennial fan.

Thank God for all the younger spiritual gurus in our lives, we need them!





Tipping Point

22 03 2013

 

I have tea with my inner demons, occasionally.   Do I encourage and believe in them on a daily basis?  No.  Do I acknowledge their existence and power over me?   I try not to.  Do I accept that they exist and allow them free reign from time to time to illustrate their absurdity, yes.

And here is why.  The other day they stormed my internal positive buoyancy and won.  I curled up in a ball and hid, and believed in them like I used to.  Maybe they were right.

Guess what?  The day passed, and the sun came up again.  Internally in the back of my mind all the positive seeds, I had patiently planted over the years, sprouted again, and worked through all the current negativity from positive viewpoints, and the new day, bounced me back to ok, naturally.

When I began my internal journey, I was 99 to 110 percent of the time convinced that I was a useless horrible person, this was the end result of my life experience up to that point, and I had plenty of external proof and opinion of others to support that theory.

It was vital that I believed in something external of me called hope, that all could be well, and I could at some point be connected with something positive other then the dark vacuum that I was.  I held on to hope, positive mental thinking, candles, prayer, yoga, exercise, spiritual retreats, self-help books, anything and everything I could to keep me going through the majority of time when I believed in absolutely nothing but hopeless dreary existence.  I figured even if all the spiritual stuff I was reading and doing was wrong, an occasional glimmer of hope, was a reprieve from the usual cast of demons parading around in my interior scape keeping me bound to lack.

Even now writing this I can feel the all too creepy familiarity of self doubt seep back in. Wow.

Along the way of believing and taking positive actions, something strange happened.  Bit by bit, I started to have moments of feeling ok.  These bits over time began to increase in frequency and coagulate into moments and days.

Eventually, positive buoyancy occurred in my internal vacuum.  The dark thoughts would come…and bounce off and away, from an internalized positive belief system.

What a miracle.  What a discovery, I was actually a good person on the inside.  It was true hope at last.

This is why I believe anyone, anywhere, at anytime, can begin, and experience a journey to their own unique source of good, which is who they already are.

I believe in you, because for several years now, I finally believe in me, from the inside out.

Be you,

George





Wired for Joy

7 08 2010

I used to judge myself a lot for being uncomfortable for not thinking like everyone else.  I didn’t react or act like a majority of the people around me when it came to basic situations in life.  I hardly ever agreed with the crowd and was usually in some form of trouble or disapproval, or inner shame from not fitting in.  What a pleasure life is to know from the inside out that some of us are quite simply wired for joy.  Our basic reactions are for fun in a good way, or a greater good.  Some of us know that good can be a primary focal point, and faith in possibility is always an option.  The more I focus on allowing this openness about my inner belief in the basic good of life itself, the more I watch inner angst and disharmony dissipate.  It’s like watching icebergs detach from glaciers and float away.  I was all frozen with fear because my inner fire has always been for good, yet I’ve allowed myself to buy into lack and shut down or freeze up a bit.  What a joy it is to not be running around fixing people anymore because of a belief in getting everyone else ok so I could be ok.  Now I quietly enjoy what I know to be true, life is truly abundant in all forms, and my reactions, to speak or be still in most situations, are worthy.

Trusting positive reactions,

George





Toad Talk

21 03 2010

Vrrrrrooom.  Vrrrrrroooom.  Uh, oh.  I know what thiiis, means.  Someone’s little brother inside has awoken and decided to provide and audio/written sound WEEEEEE,  WEEEEEEE, WEEEEE(siren)  track for this blog.  Good morning Wally(my happy inner kiddo)  how was(RRRRRVVVVROOOOOMSSSSSS)(I think that was a jet flying over we are near the airport).  I’ll continue with the blog.  Please enjoy my little bro’s input. Raaaaaa,,RRRRRAaaaaaa(snowmachine on the river)(it’s Frozen)

Anyway,

One of my bosses gave me a very important lesson after one of my first encounters with corporate stupidity.  He said be a duck just let the water flow off your back(Quack Quack Quack) ok Wally thank you for sharing that was a good one(no there are not any ducks here).

So immediately I starting quacking like a duck every time the big wigs would pass down a rush rush job we busted our butts to do, and then they wouldn’t use what we built.  Instead of being pissed off, I started Quack Quack Quack, yes Wally that’s right.  In fact I had so much fun with this at work(I discovered I couldn’t get fired cussing someone out in Donald Duck talk) that I turned the job over to my CFO(chief fun officer) who has made his present’s known todayQUACK< VROOOOM<VRRRRWEEEEE(different snow machine)

Ok.

So, on todays walk to clear my brain of fear when I woke up, I discovered a new sound, I can do.  In the last year or so I let myself see wolf packs of humans.  IE, groups of “buddies”  usually men, that like to cut and slash each other verbally until one of them gets pissed off and blows his stack.  I realized I didn’t want to run with this mentality anymore so I have circled away from the pack.

Yesterday, while sitting in class with a bunch of wolf/human/”buddy”/coworkers, someone tempted me to bite and snarl back.  Instead I just calmly looked at him and relaxed.

He called me a toad. ok Wally now it’s your turn, thanks for holding off on all the barks woofs and growwwls.Riiibit, RRRRRibt.  RrRRRRibit.  Good one’s Wally I’m glad you are helping me today.

Yep,

you guessed it.

My coping technique for today:

When I feel attacked, I’ll react like a toad.  RRRRRRibit.  RRRRRibit.

smiling, hugging my inner happy kiddo little bro,

George, AND WAAALLY





Grumpyville or NewGeorge

19 03 2010

I am in a town, a remote town, in which I lived for 7 years as a very unhappy person.  I’m back here for a week taking a class for work.  When I slipped off the plane, got a car and began driving, I felt my shoulders hunch, my mouth snarl, and negative thoughts starting spewing around about how much I used to hate this place.  Kind of like a forgone conclusion that this place is horrible, it’s culturally acceptable to be a grouch therefore I am completely justified in being my old grumpy George.

Fortunately, new george was whispering in the back of my mind, “is this me?”  Do I recognize my current thoughts?  Is this really the way things are here?  What’s really going on?

Much to my surprise I had two pleasant interactions with people.  It puzzled me because this time of year most people have cabin fever big time, and shortness is the common accepted norm.  Later on I was driving around with my buddy I haven’t seen in a long time.  He was happy, I was the grouch???  I am living an awesome life in a warm state nice house close to the beach, and this guy is living here, and happy????

Watching my negativity between my ears all day I realized this could be a veeeeeery long week, or,

New George could take over and focus on all the positives.  I have access to a nice hot tub(sheds the cold), I get to hang out with buddies I haven’t seen in awhile(and they appear to be swell), and thank God it’s not as cold as it could be.  I also have much more food and entertainment options than I would with my normal work routine.

Sooooo, New George says phewy to grumpy george(after thanking him for sharing and giving him a hug)

HI,

George





Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George








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