Judgement or Opportunity

21 02 2010

“Can you suspend judgement and let things be exactly as they are?”  Alan Cohen, from A Daily Dose of Sanity, Feb 19th.

Gee, this is excellent timing.  My folks are coming for a visit, and I read a blurb about suspending judgement.  Hmm.  Judgement is the fearmonger of protection.  If I can judge someone I am safe and protected from seeing their point of view.  If I feel vulnerable it is easy to slip into judgement and pushing people away.  If I am busy judging someone than it is so much easier to blow off any real or perceived judgments from them, because I do not acknowledge their thinking.  Judgement has kept me angry and distant from many people for many years.  Here is the juice.  Can I ever really judge anyone other than myself?  Do I really think I know what’s going on with the other person or did I just hire them to exhibit some behavior I do that I am not ok or comfortable with?  Overtime is there anyone that I have judged that with a little bit more actual info about them, I had compassion?  Isn’t it juicy when the ice of judgement melts and a friendship flourishes?  Recently two guys at work pissed me off.  Both were ego maniacs, one was a little napoleon, and the other was unjustly(in my opinion) promoted to a position of authority over me with little or no experience.  How dare they run their company without my approval???  The first guy pissed me off for years so I just avoided him which was easy because he wasn’t on my crew.  The other guy only appeared on the scene within the last year, so I’ve just done the sideways backhanded crab dance around him which is easy for me.  Fortunately on the back burner of my brain is a pot that simmers the “spiritual” nature of me and whispers every now and then how much nicer life would be with more friends and less energy devoted to protecting myself judging others and living smaller.  After revisiting the Napoleon complex guy I overheard he had several health challenged children.  Melted my heart immediately.  No wonder he likes a little more control at work.  Then, when I allowed myself the gift of sitting in uncomfortableness with him, he shared he was a Vet, that saw some pretty intense action.  Immediately my respect level goes way up compassion increases and now I can tolerate, be kind and gentle around this guy, and I’m actually interested in whatever stories he chooses to share.  Funny thing, the other guy turns out has the same situation at home.  I also discovered how similiar he was too me in all my dark ways of manipulating a situation as needed.  When I had compassion for his family life, and acceptance of seeing my dark side displayed so openly by another, I realized he was an ok guy, struggling like I was at times.  I can now admire and take notes from his techniques, and what he has done with that other jerk(oops I mean individual I haven’t fully explored my judgements around), they are coworkers from years back and he seems to interface well and take the edge off when I am most annoyed.  Judgement, it could be the doorbell of opportunity for in to me see with self and others.

Wish me luck as I love with deep compassion my folks,

George

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