Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George





Bipolar Blend

3 03 2010

“I am here for a mighty purpose.  I remember the broader view as I take care of details.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 2.

“Big picture small, betwixt the two shall meet, a walker of light dark journey, I travel to in with the Sun, I seep in the stillness of dArk.  I dance in the midst of big small connection unity, ahh the joy of bipolar blend.” George Denslow, Mar 2.

How do I capture this moment of joy?  This moment of sheer ecstasy when I feel like the joy of showing bipolar journey as GOOD, is so close.  I got goose bumps when I read today’s journey-Lesson.  I guess today’s lesson is the journey of my life, illustrating the awesomeness of the bipolar opportunity.  There is always a big picture; there is always a small picture.  Being bipolar, learning to clear my energy, honor my rhythm, and living my vision, has led to exquisite moments when I see walk around in comprehend blend dance immerse in the big/small picture.  Sometimes words flow, sometimes words would detract.  Some times the doors out of the “normal” agreed upon “reality” open and I see big small past, and potential big small future.  I can see big small in the eyes of souls all around me.   This immensity, this joy, this grandeur I have discovered scares the **** out of people who fear the immensity and power of possibility.  When bipolar blends into these moments when all assumption is cast aside for the moment, I’m higher, and lower, and inside.  These moments are what bipolar people have been painting, writing, creating, dancing, talking, and meditating all these years.  The sheer utter joy and ecstasy of open mindedness, there are highs, there are lows, and there are these times of all three blended.  Such a beautiful gift, thank you God.

Alan’s lessons, have led me to this experience and this point in my life, when I get to play in these moments more and more often.  When all is truly well, when I can see, move, act, and listen.  Big picture yes.  Big picture is what I ground in when I am high, so that when I’m low I can hang on to the rope attached to BIG me, and pull through the darkness while lost in smallness.  Smallness I use when big is overwhelming and out of control.

Bipolar perspective and experience is not all negative by any means.  It can be a joy, an immersion, and intense depth of human insight into life, our lives, and connection with loved ones beyond our wildest imagination.

Thanks for letting me play with expressing a joy in the bipolar journey,

George





Opportunity

19 02 2010

“…growing beyond past traumas or fears empowers you in ways far stronger than if the event had not happened.  The past cannot impede you because you are far greater than it is.”  Alan Cohen from his new book, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  Feb 18th.

Thank you Alan.  Thank you for guiding me back to inner ancient wisdom.  Thank you for being your part in the chain of light and wisdom that has passed thru the years of humanity.  This process of being human, making the decision to live a life, the lessons we create and allow, and the process of growing expanding overcoming being more than we thought possible, is so fascinating.  I watched my mind play tricks with the lesson of this day.  I was grumpy moody and negative.  Upon first reading I felt even worse.  I was the horse shying away from ghost trees no longer in reality.   As the day grew and expanded and I completed my work duties for the month, the back of my mind kept chewing on my negative reaction to the spiritual lesson for the day.  It finally clicked open when I stopped judging myself for how much of my past I haven’t let go of yet, and starting acknowledging how far I’ve come, and how far I’ve let go of.  This is my lesson for the day.  My initial reactions to words and situations are not always the deepest shade of helpful truth.  Sometimes it takes awhile for my soft gentle spirit to whisper me back to life is ok.  Life is good, and it’s ok what reactions and judgements I have.  Like Alan points out in the message today.  The only place my past exists is in my mind and it is therefore the only place it can be healed.  One of the greatest gifts Alan has helped me to re learn in myself, is the ability to skip the dark, and focus on the light whenever possible.  Yes X,Y,Z events happened in my life and they were horrible.  Yes I could focus on reliving the pain.  OR, option B, behind door number FUN, I could focus on what I really want to create next in my life.  It actually takes less energy and I create more when I focus on increasing the positives in my life rather than taking the same energy to magnify the past.  I’ve also discovered the more I ignore the past and have new fun experiences my perceptions and life experiences shift, and if I happened to glance over my shoulder, I am different, and understand more.  I’m also an incredible strong and deep person.  I know now these gifts came directly from being challenged beyond what I thought was possible early on, time and time again.   Probably the biggest gift and gratitude I have from the past, is my appreciation for basic functions in life, and appreciation of any pleasant moment.  The more I allow myself to focuss on these simple abundant things which occur every day, I am often distracted away from others events that could have upset me in the past.  In difficult meetings I can focus my compassion on a person in a leadership position and try to remain in a heart space.  This occurs because of the pain I have felt in being angry and in my head, and seperated from connection to people.  Comparing notes with a coworker after a difficult session with a boss, I can see how much easier the experience was for me, because my focus is more on the present, and connection with the individual, not necessary their words, actions, or role of authority.  I am also grateful for the huge treasure chest the past gives me.  If things had been simple and easy, would I still be making so many profound discoveries and feeling my life deepen with people from all walks of life?  Does this condone or alleviate the pain in horrendous abuse situations that are happening now in peoples lives?  No.  But I am able to pass on hope, to those still in the firsthand situation like I was many years ago.  People used to look me in the eye, and somehow without words knew what I was experiencing or remembering and were able to communicate comfort, and a knowing trust that if they made it so could I.  This is a beautiful chain of survivers turned thrivers that exists in the human experience.  Yes we can get caught and stuck in victim mode, there is much agreement and support for this, Yes, we can also survive, overcome, thrive, deepen, strengthen, and appreciate life so much more beyond what unchallenged people can easily take for granted.

A bit wordy tonight, thanks for listening,

much love,

George





Impossible!…really?

17 02 2010

“Trust your inner guidance more than external opinions.  The voice of genius has never been a respecter of professional authority”  Alan Cohen from his latest AWESOME!!! book, A Daily Dose of Sanity. FEB 17.

When I was 17 I received a diagnosis of bipolar, manic depressive during a 5 week involuntary stay in a mental institute.  They tried to put me on lithium and I was able to convince them I wasn’t interested and to give me a chance to live without medications.  They did share with me all the depressing “facts” about bipolar, higher than average suicide, divorce, incarceration, etc.  Exciting stuff for a young adult to face.  23 years later, my fingers are in my ears, my tounge is sticking out and my tail is wagging.  I’ve never been locked up again, I’ve travelled internationally, written a book, worked professionally in a challenging career for over 12 years, made truckloads of money and circulated most of it back into life.  If nothing ever happens again in my life I can sit and grin forever.  The “professional experts” had one diagnosis and prediction for my life.  THANK GOD FOR ALAN COHEN, and other spiritual authors and teachers like him, that gave me hope, possibility and encouragement to discover the good and the gift of bipolar and the opportunity that it truely is.  Easy smooth sailing path?  NOPE.  Deepening, opening, beyond my wildest expectations better than I thought possible?  YES.  Is it possible for anyone?  I have no idea.  I have no control over how much how willing and how desparate someone is to improve the quality  of their life and what they are willing to let go of.  I do know, from the inside out, it was possible for a drunk and a drug addict like me to find a way out of hell, and into a life which is pretty awesome.    Do I have a normal life?  NOpe.  Do I enjoy a healthy happy relationship and family of my own?  Nope.  I do enjoy a relationship with my family of origin, loving supportive friends, lots of travel and adventure, and hope, that each relationship I grow in is leading me to the possibility of the kind of ahh I am interested in from an authentic union of autonomous individuals.  Bipolar has lead me on a phenominal journey of discovery.  I could be the poster child of many classic skrew ups in life.  I could also be a poster child for many miracles by the grace of benevolent spirit.  I don’t get any sales or commission from recommending any books by Alan Cohen, I do get a warm feeling in my heart each time I highly recommend anyone struggling with life, to pick up any of his books and begin a journey of opening discovery and altering the course of your destiny, it’s definitely worked for me, and I eagerly anticipate the next chapters in my life.

Big Hug,

George





Higher Path

12 02 2010

“I choose the path that brings the deepest reward to me and everyone concerned.”  from Alan Cohen’s new book A Daily Dose of Sanity, February 12.

Alan talks about the four choices we can make after an event occurs.  Do we wish to be retaliatory, a victim, stoic, or seek a higher vibration.  This is an excellent lesson for me today.  This effects me on many levels.  I have several different views of myself inside; modes I can slip into without realizing it.  Justifiable anger is the often the easiest mode I can slip into.  I am angry because____.  This reminds me of _____.  Therefore I have every right to ____. (and perpetuate the cycle of darkness).  In victim mode, life is hopeless, it’s not my fault so moping and crying is all I need to do.  Wandering around with my diaper full and hoping to gain enough attention so someone will change it for me.  I am also excellent at stoic or what I like to call monk mode.  I surrender to the emptiness, the calamity and the inevitability of karma.  I am therefore I live, and x, y, z events must therefore happen.  Sometimes I call it drift mode.  I can do all my spiritual practices, and know I did what I could, and then just sit back and idle by coping with life as best I can.

And now for the Bonus round.  Seeking a higher path.  With bipolar, I can actively and at times simultaneously run around in the squirrel cage of my brain in all these modes, jumping from one to another as my mood shifts.  And yet sometimes, I manage to slow down enough, get out of the spin cycle, and seek a higher path.  Yes folks, I’m here to tell ya, even bipolar can be a gift, an opportunity, and a blessing in life.  It has been for me.

A higher path with bipolar started with thanking spirit for this unique mind and gift(even though I didn’t know what the gift was yet), and then actively looking for good in the experience.

The path to a higher life with bipolar was long and ardous for me yet the dividends I keep recieving, make it all worth while.

A major root of transformation from victim to healer with bipolar has been the active study of books by Alan and others like him over the years.  From the inside out, thought by thought, which resulted in positive acts, on a daily basis.  Unwiring the “I hate life”, mode to “wow, how cool is this, I can be naturally high without any drugs or expensive workshops, and I can survive dark nights of the soul and gain the insights and grow on a regular basis.  How freeing this is.”

I observe so many people that walk or bump through life, yet never feel great pain or ecstasy transform into real life lived inside of dreams/reality, or opened up inner life to roam and express more freely the joy of life itself.

A higher path in life may not be attractive, juicy, or have all the pizazz initially, yet the deep chuckle and first hand knowing of a person served deeply from a higher act, is deeply satisfying.

at your service,

George





A Daily Dose of Sanity

10 02 2010

A dark lonely troubled young man was given a copy of The Dragon Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, by Alan Cohen.  That young man found his way to a seminar, a weeklong program, and Alan’s other books.  What I discovered in that darkness, was the overwhelming gentle cloud that Alan is as a teacher and guide.  Almost twenty years later, I still attend his workshops, read his books, and receive his guidance.  Of all the discoveries I’ve made on my spiritual/metaphysical path, the words, gestures, and kindness of Alan, have altered the course of my life most profoundly.  No matter how much light, dark, cluttered headspace, or complete distraction I have shared with Alan over the years, he has always managed to hold up the mirror, so that I can more deeply profoundly see and appreciate listen to the wizard that I already am.  His most recent book, A Daily Dose of Sanity, is inspiring me to initiate another series of blogs.

Without the study and application of positive metaphysics in my life, my dance with bipolar would be more of a traditional label and downward spiral, as opposed to an upliftment, deepening, appreciation, and most importantly opportunity.

Todays affirmation:  As I fall in love with myself, I am in the perfect position to create a loving relationship.

This is perfect for me today.  As I journey away from a recent spiritual retreat with my teacher on life coaching, I let go of another layer of judgement about me, and let in another layer of affirmation of the beauty that I already am.  Recently I have been gently letting go a little more of a past love.  Today I tossed a favored hat/travel companion, back into the ocean, and watched the saltwater cleanse the memories, and woosh away the lingering of a memory I have dwelled in for a couple of years.  As I release the past, I am opening to the presence I have become in this time of deep solitude.  I no longer see myself seeking the perfect lover, or next soulmate, instead I feel myself relishing the soul opening that I am, and appreciate the next soul I get the pleasure of dancing with in any form it takes.  It may be brief and learning, or long and deepening.  Today I find I am ok again with the risk of loving another, knowing that I already cherish the uniqueness that I am.

This is new different and strange for me.  Instead of visualizing in advance and predesigning the next lover/soulmate/companion, I am trusting and opening to the universe to see and reflect in any form needed the next soul to play with as I circle closer and closer in the greater good.

My dose of sanity today, is to let go of my expectations, and open my soul to the next juicy opportunity of awakening.

Love you all,

George Denslow





Toolbox time.

24 10 2009

Once I know my feet are on earth or I’m slightly below the surface of the water and my mood starts to shift towards staring at the dark cave, I know it is decision time.  Gratefully I am able to be aware when this shift occurs.  Years of meditations, and many sucessfully failed experiements in completely ignoring what is really going on in my head.

So grumpy boy woke up today immediately said I no wanna, and would have prefered to stay under covers in an awesome fort.

I also observed upset at the newspaper(not a good thing to read on grumpy days, or ever), and eager particpation in the drama club lately.

Drama club?  It’s what I call the group that loves to discuss all the crap they feel victim to.  I’m a card carrying member.  They occur at break tables, water coolers, coffee rooms, you name it.  Cheese is usually served to go with the whine.

When I notice I’ve sought out, created, or otherwise manifested drama players in an agreement council, it is,

toolbox time.

Am I going to waddle around with my diaper full at my ankles crying about life.  Or am I going to put my big boy pants on and grab my toolbox of ideas, to help shift my mood.

hmmm.(we pause here and put on some game show music so the contestant(me) can decide which way this particular day is going to go)

… thank you for holding, we will now continue…

OK.

Creeeeek. (sound of tool box opening)

HEY LOOK, my fake it till I make it badge.  I flip it over on the back it says, paint on a smile, be enthusiastic, and fake it till I feel happy. Hmm, this is kind of a fun one and I remember lots of good results, oh what the heck I’ll try it.

OH Heck, my easy and brilliant badge fell off again, I know that one has been working very well lately, I’ll try it too.

So here I declare, How easy and BRILLIANT can this most awesome of days be?

OOOPs, I almost forgot(this is actually getting kind of fun), my gratitude list, dang I haven’t updated it yet today, WOW, I like this toolbox.

Ok ready set, I’m armed and ready to have a fun, day.

Off I go…

George





The Big Ahhh

10 10 2009

I like having a daily positive metaphysical lesson.  It’s almost cheating.  Who knows how I’m going to wake up or treat my day.  Sometimes moody, disruptive and cranky, sometimes happy go lucky no matter what.

A positive daily lesson preferably with a few questions to write out and answer, can offer me a reframe and positive direction no matter what state of mind I’m in.

Being at work again, my lesson this morning couldn’t have arrived at a better time.  Finding the Ahh.  Looking for the positive.  It is easy to slip into negatives, and yet I’ve found it’s much more enjoyable and even a little easier to be in the positives.  Finding the gratitude, looking for the spiritual role or lessons I may be learning.

And this was the key that unlocked my ahh and positivity.  Re-membering that their is a benevolent power I am a part of, that could quite possible be a plan I don’t know all the details of, and right where I am, who and how I interact with could have nothing to do with the surface appearances and everything to with transformation occurring underneath.  And who am I to complain if I don’t like or feel comfortable with the current lessons I’m learning and creating for myself.

So thank you for this day, this opportunity to be alive, to be in the presence of spirit, to seek and to know Spirit’s will through action.

ok, time to be the worker bee.

g





Baby Steps

2 10 2009

I work with the willing.  The willing in me, the willing in others.  It doesn’t matter how dark or how excited I get.  If ever I get empty.  If ever I lie in bed at night before sleep and wonder what is my purpose in life, all I have to think about is baby steps.

After blowouts in my life due to bipolar episodes, I used to ponder why was I here what was the meaning in life etc.  Hugely depressing when I had no answers.  Fortunately no matter how hard I ran from my book, my insights into bipolar, I always knew on some level there was a book to be written, a voice to be heard.

As I accepted this and contemplated a task of writing a book it was easy to spin my wheels with the if only conversation.  In the middle of yet another chaotic life situation I had created for myself.  Working 80-90 hrs a week, etc etc etc, I knew I was losing my mind because I could figure out no reason for existing.

This is when I discovered baby steps, and 10 minutes a day.  I knew again that my sanity was somehow connected with writing about bipolar, I just didn’t have the time.  But when a gentle voice in side me said, “if not now when,”.  I also heard just 10 minutes/day.  It worked.

From then on, whenever I could, I would focus on my current dream, vision, or idea of improving the quality of my life or someone I cared about, for 10 minutes.  Sometimes it would be my coffee break sitting in my car staring at a picture of what I was creating next.  For many years I carried around a mock up copy of my book with the current title and cover on it.  When I really needed to get to Hawaii, I had a favorite Hang Loose T-shirt I would wear once a week and imagine being on the beach no matter how cold it was outside.

10 minutes a day, these baby steps kept my dreams alive, and gave me focus when an hr or more would open up that I could invest in my future, and I often did.

The best part about it.  When I fall asleep at night(which isn’t always because sometimes I’m just buzzing on energy).  There is a deep level of calm, knowing all those 10 minutes and baby steps are continuing to give me dividends and satisfaction of knowing it is possible to work a good and meaning filled life.

“Visions, dreams, hope are the fuel for a successful spiritually engaged bipolar life.”

George





Back on Planet Earth…

1 10 2009

Vision, grandiosity, the high of being alive in strong energy can be a very intense good experience.  Some highs are not this way, but if set up right and allowed to happen in a natural way that is not forced can be powerfully transformative.

I used to go to spiritual retreats, get high on vision life and new found energy, and then crash back into my daily life and wonder where the freight train came from.

This time I allowed a full week to buzz around in the aftershocks, anchor down as much vision as I could, and be present for myself when I started losing altitude so that I could gently land back on earth.

Many people and theories want to wish to control prevent indivdiuals from getting high on life and getting wild and crazy ideas.  I embrace them for the time they are present, allow myself to land, and then look at the notes that I took to see if indeed I was crazy, or was there something doable.

Healthy vision and direction, is the key to a successful bipolar journey.  When I have a goal, a focuss, a way of walking towards the greater good, and results from greater good in my daily life, this is what uplifts me if I go down dark again.  So many times something I wrote or saw when I was high on life(manic high) has given me inspiration when I was lost in the mud in the back of my dark cave.

The flip side is true as well.  In my grounded highs I’ve learned how to fly from insights I’ve gained from the back of my dark cave.  When I am better able to understand my sensitivities, subtleties, and how my incredible antennas work, I can be in the happy calm peaceful places longer.  When a high comes along I am better able to see places I used to get stuck and flow around them.  If an interaction doesn’t go well, I don’t have to take it personally and crash hard or act out.

It’s a dance.  I learn lessons from flying in my dark cave.  I learn visions, big enough to leave or stay out of cave longer when I’m flying.

Now after reading and thinking about this I am having a flash of, geeesh this seems like crazy or a lot of work.  It is crazy as defined by many others.  It is a lot of work I can assure you from personal experience.

The synthesis, the go-all at times, the meeting ground for the two states of experience, is planet Earth.  The better I am with flying with my toes on the ground, and discovering clues when I’m in the cave, the longer I can just be on Earth in “normal”, and calmly work walk create my next visions, one step at a time.

Why not just be normal on Earth all the time?  If normal included incredible vision from being high, and deep insight from dark caves, combined into a deep love for people, life, and normal, then I would surrender my bipolar badge in a heartbeat.  My normal is greatly enhanced by the bipolar experience.  I have such huge gratitude and appreciation for normal daily life on earth, that I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  I see so many people walking through their life ho hum.   When I buzz through normal I can’t help but be amazed at how beautiful life really is.  I can’t help but want to offer a smile, or appreciate the value of kind acts that I witness.

Life is amazing,

Enjoy your day, no really, stop. Listen. Feel, really feel a moment in your day…

George








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