Learning….FUun, right?

20 03 2010

Patting myself on the back for being a great voice of advocating what works and doesn’t work for me.  Laughing at myself for taking on an instructor that’s been in the field longer than I’ve been alive.  Scared because the career I’ve had for twelve years is disappearing.  Resistant to learning the new field they want me to go into because I feel no natural inclination or ability.  Spinning in small world fear.  Working towards big picture relief.  And a million other voices running around in my head.

Ok George, Choice time:  Lie here in bed and watch the brain spin cycle, or get up, put on every warm item I have, and go walk in the cold for 30 mins.

I am up and out the door.

Still scared but now I have fresh oxygen in my body, and experienced a few moments of less fear, and a few laughs when I realized I’m like a little guy doing the dog paddle between to huge super tankers.  On one side career is changing(dang it), on the other side my passion of gently allowing my positive message to grow by word of mouth, and being happy with the outcomes.(I don’t wish to submit to a career I have no passion or interest for, I don’t want to sell my soul to business in promoting or selling a product I may think is good but in the process become a stressed out marketed person).

Anyway.

Learning, growing, groaning, laughing at myself, and grateful.

My pressure relief valve for all of this was thinking about all the blogs I could write about bipolar, and making excellent food choices this week, and steering clear of coffee.

I’m in an environment that I could easily have major blowouts in all week.  I’m not exactly being a good and complacent little student, but I don’t think I’ve crossed the line yet.  Gee George, ya might want to slow down, that was just the first day.  OOPS! Hee hee.

Laughing again at myself,

George





Grumpyville or NewGeorge

19 03 2010

I am in a town, a remote town, in which I lived for 7 years as a very unhappy person.  I’m back here for a week taking a class for work.  When I slipped off the plane, got a car and began driving, I felt my shoulders hunch, my mouth snarl, and negative thoughts starting spewing around about how much I used to hate this place.  Kind of like a forgone conclusion that this place is horrible, it’s culturally acceptable to be a grouch therefore I am completely justified in being my old grumpy George.

Fortunately, new george was whispering in the back of my mind, “is this me?”  Do I recognize my current thoughts?  Is this really the way things are here?  What’s really going on?

Much to my surprise I had two pleasant interactions with people.  It puzzled me because this time of year most people have cabin fever big time, and shortness is the common accepted norm.  Later on I was driving around with my buddy I haven’t seen in a long time.  He was happy, I was the grouch???  I am living an awesome life in a warm state nice house close to the beach, and this guy is living here, and happy????

Watching my negativity between my ears all day I realized this could be a veeeeeery long week, or,

New George could take over and focus on all the positives.  I have access to a nice hot tub(sheds the cold), I get to hang out with buddies I haven’t seen in awhile(and they appear to be swell), and thank God it’s not as cold as it could be.  I also have much more food and entertainment options than I would with my normal work routine.

Sooooo, New George says phewy to grumpy george(after thanking him for sharing and giving him a hug)

HI,

George





Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George





Bipolar Journey

16 03 2010

I have been having a lot of discussions with people lately about bipolar, labels, and miracles.  I’ve also had a new definition or words for the bipolar experience rummaging around in the back of my head.  So here goes.

Bipolar Journey.

Bipolar is good.

We are naturally uninhibited from seeing truth(real and perceived thru our own filters)

We are naturally uninhibited from using our voice.(until shut down hard enough long enough, medicated, or we learn discernment as to when may be most effective and learn/accept the reasons why)

We are naturally uninhibited from taking action.(until likewise see above)

These are all actually useful helpful things in an individual/group/society/culture.

However, because we pop out raw into this world of many truths and possibilities, we are like rockets without fins or scientists to help teach form guide us.

In ancient times a raw bipolar child was hooked up with a mentor/medicine person/guide/wise person.  To discover train guide the young child with their gifts, and protect them from the group if the uninhibited expressions got out of hand before awareness and training kicked in.

This brings me back to bipolar journey.

Is life a process or a product?

As a process it evolves changes alters discovers and can brew into something deeper and more evolved if we so choose and design/allow.

A product implicates an end, finished, ta daaa.

Bipolar (drop the disorder) add Journey, can be viewed as an ongoing development of our vision, voice, and action, in more and more aware, refined, and effective methods- with training ourselves to be self regulating(still an ongoing process for me), and learning avenues of expression that help the tribe along.

Anger was a biggie for me for soooo many years.  All I saw made me angry, all I spoke to and took action on made me even angrier because of the poo poo reaction, and trouble I got into.

Over time I was able to accept some things, let go of some things, and focus on some things in more and more effective ways of communicating what I saw, and how I thought things could be improved.

I am grateful for bipolar journey, unmedicated, no longer raw, slightly brewed and refined now.

Peace to you and your journey today

George





Uniqutivity

7 03 2010

“I do not need to prove myself to anyone or change to fit others expectations.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Can I have an Amen to Alan Cohen today?

“…have faith in yourself and your process.  Then you will not have to tremble before God, for God will embrace you right where you stand.” , Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Unique/Creativity= Uniqutivity.  It’s a new word day!

After they finished breaking the mold that I was brewed in they didn’t bother making a form that I could fit back into, THANK GOD!!

Here here for unique individuals that dare roam this earth seeking paths, which a byproduct is other’s cause to pause and reflect on the box.  Is there a box?  Box?  What box?

It is sheer determination to be me, no matter what, that has led me into, out of, and through so many challenges in life, and come up with so many unique solutions.  It is also what bonded me so closely to positive metaphysics when I discovered them from Alan Cohen and Unity, so many years ago.  I knew something was haywire in my brain, but I also had a belief in myself that I was this way for a reason.  It was through spiritual teachers like Alan that cheered me on in person and through written word that I was able to discover, hey guess what???  Newsflash:  Bipolar can actually be an incredible life altering ongoing daily spiritual journey.  Yes, drop the dis-order, seek the order, and better yet seek the opportunity your uniqueness is.  Whoa George sounds like you are on a soapbox.  Ok, Ok, I am.  I just want to share how important today’s lesson is.  If your current life is not fitting, please keep an open mind to the possibility of attracting or creating a life that is awesome beyond your wildest imagination.  Please keep the faith in your own individuality, and the power of a positive benevolent force, which is constantly conspiring for your good.  A big truth I discovered early on with this lesson was that anyone, anywhere, at anytime, can have a personal relationship with a positive power greater than themselves.

Be Free!

George





Divine Sips

6 03 2010

“If you want more of something, give it your attention even before it comes into full bloom.  The flower will not be far behind.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  March 6.

If I were to take one lesson of Alan’s so far out of this book and give it to someone in a deep pit of personal hell, this is the one I would copy, laminate and give to them.  Here is why;  My personal journey with bipolar for many years was nothing short of horrendous.  My failures, my dramas, and the constant anxiety and chaos I generated on a daily basis, almost got me many times.  It was a lesson like this one many years ago that helped me turn a very significant corner on my journey.  When I began to focus on the pinpoint of light in my life, an ok moment, a successful completion of a task, a meaningful connection with someone where I didn’t walk away feeling like the psycho, they began to occur more often.  This really is a vital and important ongoing lesson.  If I focus on all the crappy coffee I’ve been served or created, chances are, my next cup will taste awful as well.  If I concentrate on all the perfect cups of coffee I’ve ever had the pleasure of being served or brewing, than chances are divine sips are not far off.  This seems real simple, but is it?  I encourage you to find the simplest joy or moment of light and focus on it today.  If you are in a dark place, know for a moment, I am cheering for you, and chances are others who know you are as well.  How committed are we to our problems and darkness, how committed are we to allowing creating joy in our life?  Sometimes it’s as simple as what we allow our minds to focus on in the moment.

Seeing good,

George





Bipolar Blend

3 03 2010

“I am here for a mighty purpose.  I remember the broader view as I take care of details.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 2.

“Big picture small, betwixt the two shall meet, a walker of light dark journey, I travel to in with the Sun, I seep in the stillness of dArk.  I dance in the midst of big small connection unity, ahh the joy of bipolar blend.” George Denslow, Mar 2.

How do I capture this moment of joy?  This moment of sheer ecstasy when I feel like the joy of showing bipolar journey as GOOD, is so close.  I got goose bumps when I read today’s journey-Lesson.  I guess today’s lesson is the journey of my life, illustrating the awesomeness of the bipolar opportunity.  There is always a big picture; there is always a small picture.  Being bipolar, learning to clear my energy, honor my rhythm, and living my vision, has led to exquisite moments when I see walk around in comprehend blend dance immerse in the big/small picture.  Sometimes words flow, sometimes words would detract.  Some times the doors out of the “normal” agreed upon “reality” open and I see big small past, and potential big small future.  I can see big small in the eyes of souls all around me.   This immensity, this joy, this grandeur I have discovered scares the **** out of people who fear the immensity and power of possibility.  When bipolar blends into these moments when all assumption is cast aside for the moment, I’m higher, and lower, and inside.  These moments are what bipolar people have been painting, writing, creating, dancing, talking, and meditating all these years.  The sheer utter joy and ecstasy of open mindedness, there are highs, there are lows, and there are these times of all three blended.  Such a beautiful gift, thank you God.

Alan’s lessons, have led me to this experience and this point in my life, when I get to play in these moments more and more often.  When all is truly well, when I can see, move, act, and listen.  Big picture yes.  Big picture is what I ground in when I am high, so that when I’m low I can hang on to the rope attached to BIG me, and pull through the darkness while lost in smallness.  Smallness I use when big is overwhelming and out of control.

Bipolar perspective and experience is not all negative by any means.  It can be a joy, an immersion, and intense depth of human insight into life, our lives, and connection with loved ones beyond our wildest imagination.

Thanks for letting me play with expressing a joy in the bipolar journey,

George








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