Talking me down

10 11 2016

bloggers note:

I used to call it bipolar opportunity, my current terminology is The Bipolar Illusion. Because that is what it has become for me. It is a temporary bio, physiological, spiritual, mental pattern/ coping mechanism I can drop into from time to time when triggered.

on with the blog

I stopped blogging a lot because I felt empty. I personally have moved on from being and identifying with bipolar. My life has challenges I have episodes, but they are pretty miner, boring, and feel pretty “normal”. WOW!!! congrats George. this is why I put the blogger note in. Bipolar is an illusion for me now. I’ve been on to it’s game for many years and the pay off has been excellent.

Yes I feel manic coming on, yes I feel depressions, and I feel a lot of calm functional peace.

Anyway. A new topic has gained interest for me, which perhaps I can begin blogging about, because I love to write.

How to deal with bipolar people?

Ahh, now we are on to something good deep thick and juicy. Why George why do you know so much about this topic. Uh, duh, hello life long bipolar illusionist here.

Todays topic: Talking me or someone else down.
(p.s. this can apply to anyone, not bipolar exclusive behavior)

Step One: Identify the situation. Become aware that your loved one or coworker has raised their voice or pace of words, actions, emotions, etc, beyond a functional level to the situation.

Step Two: Prep yourself. This is vital to your personal mental health!!! Don’t skip it, trust me on this one. I grew up enmeshed with crazy people, it’s no good to lose yourself in the mental illusions of another’s challenges. I don’t care how nice and empathetic you are. Prep yourself.
How? Pray-connect with whatever is positive unseen and bigger then your ego, Breathe. Scrunch and release your toes. Practice feeling the skin on the bottom of your feet and the earth below. Feel as grounded as you possibly can.

Step Three: Make a decision consciously to interact or WALK AWAY.
don’t worry there are an abundance of riled up people everyday everywhere, so no need to interact with everyone all the time. ( hello another lifelong george lesson gem here, If only i could fix everyone, I would be ok and wouldn’t feeeeeel this way)

Step Four: obsess about being calm. breathe, feel feet, let it go.
lower your voice and pace of words and energy, re-connect with spirit and trust all will be well.

Ok you are in. Now, you have created calmness, and spirit connection in the presence of a temporarily upset person dealing with the illusion of fear in some way. This is the magic. Don’t take it personally, know that you can walk away at any point, trust your intuition.

I’ve used this method thousands of times, and it’s been used on me even more. I thank my blue collar brothers for teaching me this. Let’s face it, we are rough and tumble guys that grew up in the ‘80s and went to shop class in high school, didn’t always finish high school, and ended up in industry. All was well until the human relations department showed up and started firing us because we couldn’t beat each other up to solve differences of opinion any more. So let’s just say, we’ve been through a transition, and are really good at talking each other out of beating each other up and getting fired so that we can still work and provide for our loved ones.

Step Five; At some point, when I maintain a calm, spirit connected, grounded presence, usually the other person sees that i’m not getting riled up, and begins to self regulate and calm down again. This is MAGIC! We usually become good friends as well, and often the next time, the other person is calming me down. I think it’s a modern day form of male bonding in the work place. But I use it everywhere now.

If the person doesn’t shift their own energy in a time or manner you feel comfortable, trust spirit to step in and take care of the situation. AND WALK AWAY.

ok, that’s it, enjoy, be SAFE.

Big HUGS
George





Hope Evolution

22 04 2015

I dedicate this blog, to those living in hopelessness. I’m praying happy tears for you today. When I began my journey of hope. Hope that myself and all of life was not horrible, out of control, and a useless miserable failure, my hope, was from a kernel of faith, that somehow still existed inside of me, in spite of it all. Some part of me lived, kept breathing, waking, moving. My faith came from books, because all people had proven themselves to be idiots and untrustworthy to me. They also locked me up, because of my mental behavior.

This journey of hope, began locked, in severe psychological pain, after years of faith and bust. Words, read, uncovered, hoped were real, began my journey back to life. Out of words came healthy habits. Writing my thoughts in journals, all of it. The good the bad the ugly. Over and over again. Journals clean out crap in my head, and reveal gems from time to time, if I’m patient and persistent.

Over time, my faith and hope, led me to opportunities, experiences, which led to real life, real time, face to face healing. Along the way I discovered and interacted with healthy humans, and let go of many humans stuck in behaviors that were destructive for me.

My happy tears today for people in hopelessness, is gratitude for the potential. If we can survive the hopelessness, If we can be graced with discovery and opportunity of new healing then we can evolve.

Happy tears today, are for the discovery of erosion of psychological control temporarily embedded by humans in positions of power living in their own unresolved fears into innocents. Time, healthy daily methods, new healthy information, observation and experimentation of good ideas, have continued to erode those negative unhealthy psychological destructive beliefs, behaviors, identity, and unconscious reactions to stress, given to me, and a little bit each day ejected, and eventually let go of completely.

I continue to say good bye, to other peoples fears, and hello to life is good, and getting even a little better, each day.





Leaf Sway

1 02 2015

il_340x270.461955452_8xysLush white birch outside my dorm, crickly dried up maple in New England, continually green southern clime green leaf flow. I love leaves in gentle wind sway. They bend twirl flow and eventually let go, different kinds and cycles everywhere I go. Bipolar is cycles within cycles. Bipolar functionality is awareness, what cycle when where how prep, renew. We know we will be up and down. We know we will react, planned or not, yet how? How do we intercept our insanity long enough to choose the lesser paths of destruction, and the gentler path of letting go and renewal? Do we even have/want a choice, yet?

Leaves sway and say listen, gentle listen, for the cycles. We grow off flexible twigs, we bring nourishment, we dance in the breeze, and flow away, to nourish the earth, wherever we land.

Leaves, leaves of all kinds, interesting green bushes, or background for intricate delicate flowers no matter, leaves are an element of attention, indoors or out, whispering gentle reminders of flows, cycles, renewals…

Sway on





Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George





God Hugs

23 02 2010

“If we are disconnected from our Higher Power, we are vulnerable indeed, easy lunch for every beast that lurks in the darkness…When we remember that the power of God sustains us, we can conquer anything.”  from Alan Cohen’s new book A Daily Dose of Sanity.  Feb 20th

No thanks God I’ve got it covered from here, thanks for you help, life is going well. (this is where we insert the game show elevator music as we watch in suspense while George attempts to drive his life from the front of the bus).

an enevitable undetermined amount of time later…

Sometimes occurs in a dark cave of mind, some times on the edge of a cliff(still in the mind), sometimes metaphorically over the cliff and screaming,

uh, God,   GOD,  HELP!!!!!

To be clicheical, (new word I just invented), religion is for those who don’t want to go to hell, spirituality is for those who don’t want to go back or want to find their way back out again.

Currently I’m in a bit of what I like to call a spiritual boot camp.  So far a mild experience.  My folks are visiting.  In all fairness I deeply and dearly love them and all my wars and battles with them ended several years ago, and now we are in a deep enjoyable friendship, which is totally awesome and amazing.

And….the drama and trauma which occurs is completely in my head.

It’s amazing how spiritually lazy I can get, and ignore my daily routine and spiritual practices.  In one way it’s way cool that I’ve been able to create a life in which I enjoy a lot of peace serenity pace, and activity that I can almost evaporate into and not have to proactively make myself do spiritual practices.  Naturally I do meditate, read blurbs, exercise but not purposely or forcefully, and it’s easy to let it slip.

It’s amazing how quickly when I feel a little off center or numb, I gravitate without hesitation, get up shower, gi gong, read spiritual literature, write, meditate.

It’s also so comforting to know, without the slightest hesitation, that God, spirit, higher power, is availible.

I like the call the moment I receive spiritual connectedness and physical relief, God Hugs.

Today was awesome.  I was feeling neurotic, got up did my daily routine, and now I know my day stands a much better chance of enjoying my time with my beloved parents, and not letting my head drama get in the way of discovering a story I haven’t heard from them or a special moment of connection.

Healing is possible for ANYONE, God is availible, ALL THE TIME, take it from a recovering neurotic dark hole cave dweller like myself, peace is possible.

God Hugs to ya on this awesome day,

George





Opportunity

19 02 2010

“…growing beyond past traumas or fears empowers you in ways far stronger than if the event had not happened.  The past cannot impede you because you are far greater than it is.”  Alan Cohen from his new book, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  Feb 18th.

Thank you Alan.  Thank you for guiding me back to inner ancient wisdom.  Thank you for being your part in the chain of light and wisdom that has passed thru the years of humanity.  This process of being human, making the decision to live a life, the lessons we create and allow, and the process of growing expanding overcoming being more than we thought possible, is so fascinating.  I watched my mind play tricks with the lesson of this day.  I was grumpy moody and negative.  Upon first reading I felt even worse.  I was the horse shying away from ghost trees no longer in reality.   As the day grew and expanded and I completed my work duties for the month, the back of my mind kept chewing on my negative reaction to the spiritual lesson for the day.  It finally clicked open when I stopped judging myself for how much of my past I haven’t let go of yet, and starting acknowledging how far I’ve come, and how far I’ve let go of.  This is my lesson for the day.  My initial reactions to words and situations are not always the deepest shade of helpful truth.  Sometimes it takes awhile for my soft gentle spirit to whisper me back to life is ok.  Life is good, and it’s ok what reactions and judgements I have.  Like Alan points out in the message today.  The only place my past exists is in my mind and it is therefore the only place it can be healed.  One of the greatest gifts Alan has helped me to re learn in myself, is the ability to skip the dark, and focus on the light whenever possible.  Yes X,Y,Z events happened in my life and they were horrible.  Yes I could focus on reliving the pain.  OR, option B, behind door number FUN, I could focus on what I really want to create next in my life.  It actually takes less energy and I create more when I focus on increasing the positives in my life rather than taking the same energy to magnify the past.  I’ve also discovered the more I ignore the past and have new fun experiences my perceptions and life experiences shift, and if I happened to glance over my shoulder, I am different, and understand more.  I’m also an incredible strong and deep person.  I know now these gifts came directly from being challenged beyond what I thought was possible early on, time and time again.   Probably the biggest gift and gratitude I have from the past, is my appreciation for basic functions in life, and appreciation of any pleasant moment.  The more I allow myself to focuss on these simple abundant things which occur every day, I am often distracted away from others events that could have upset me in the past.  In difficult meetings I can focus my compassion on a person in a leadership position and try to remain in a heart space.  This occurs because of the pain I have felt in being angry and in my head, and seperated from connection to people.  Comparing notes with a coworker after a difficult session with a boss, I can see how much easier the experience was for me, because my focus is more on the present, and connection with the individual, not necessary their words, actions, or role of authority.  I am also grateful for the huge treasure chest the past gives me.  If things had been simple and easy, would I still be making so many profound discoveries and feeling my life deepen with people from all walks of life?  Does this condone or alleviate the pain in horrendous abuse situations that are happening now in peoples lives?  No.  But I am able to pass on hope, to those still in the firsthand situation like I was many years ago.  People used to look me in the eye, and somehow without words knew what I was experiencing or remembering and were able to communicate comfort, and a knowing trust that if they made it so could I.  This is a beautiful chain of survivers turned thrivers that exists in the human experience.  Yes we can get caught and stuck in victim mode, there is much agreement and support for this, Yes, we can also survive, overcome, thrive, deepen, strengthen, and appreciate life so much more beyond what unchallenged people can easily take for granted.

A bit wordy tonight, thanks for listening,

much love,

George





Bipolar Rocket Science

10 01 2010

Yes Houston we have cleared for flight all systems functioning big ahh is being heard.  OHHH thank God mental phases pass.  Never ceases to amaze me how good my job is for me.  Bingo 2nd post of New Year and George has already lost it.  No seriously.  The routine of work is good for me.  I am completely open to retiring as a full time bum/speaker/blogger, yet and in between times, the discovery of a job I’m actually talented at and desire to get up early to do “spiritual” pushups, ie a little exe, Gi Gong, daily reader(with a positive focus), meditation.  I almost sprayed coffee again on a friend the other day when she said oh you are so spiritual and disciplined.  Hmm.  When a mental institution is in one corner of the ring, an alcohol and drug addiction which leads to cuddling up to dumpsters in another corner, and the ability to fly off the handle at any and all perceived idiots is in another corner, and behind door number 4;  Do these simple things everyday and you have a chance of being functional, and having preferred choice of activity on and off the job.  Uhh.  Hmm.  Walk around in a bathrobe and slippers behind bars, puking all over myself, yelling at anything, uh could you repeat option 4 please.  Yes, it’s called a daily routine.  Wakes up my body, mind, and spirit, and puts me on a path that leads to interacting in a semi sane way with most people and situations, and gradually leads me to improving the quality and options in my life.  Now add 20 years.  Nope, not disciplined and spiritual, just lazy.  I’ve discovered after much research in all corners of the ring, that taking care of myself, leads to a much lazier and enjoyable life.  Thank God for being bipolar today, so that I can cherish the simple and the profound gifts that have come to me from running from the dark results available with bipolar and into gifts which come from, spiritual practice.  KEY WORD HERE.  P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E.  What is it the black belts of 12 step say(I’m referring to the Al-Anon ers.)  Practice not perfection, raising a virtual toast to that one.  Which reminds me of an unmotivational poster I heard about yesterday that almost sprayed my second attempt at drinking coffee.  “Not all of us are capable of being astronauts, get over it”, well, fortunately for us bipolar types, we can rocket all around the place on and off demand at times, and when we teach ourself how to pilot our own minds in order to negotiate organic rhythms in our lives, then we too can see sights within beyond our wildest imaginations.

cruisin the good life,

George





Silly Season

16 12 2009

I peeks me head out and asks…is it over yet?

It’s been silly season time inside my head.  In the material world I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

In the other worlds in me, it’s been, …, interesting.

Overall I would rate the experience as good.

pg 20 in my book Living Out of Darkness, “It’s not important how many times I quit exercising, or how lazy I get.  What’s important is how many times I start again.”

same page “With Bipolar, we are going to have ups and downs.  The better we get at picking up after downs and focussing on what worked…”

Maybe I should just stop right here and read my book.  I’ve been ignoring it lately.

The uncomfortable times in bipolar can be difficult and baffling to walk through with those enjoying the gift as well as loved ones attempting to understand.

From the inside, for me, lately, it’s involved a lot of patience.  I haven’t been very willing to do the things I need to do to maintain an even keel or cheery attitude.  The insides have been a bit rapid cycling and bumpy.

And yet.

My holistic non medicated approach to bipolar all these years, when I’m on vacation(like I have been), sometimes I let it all hang out for a bit.  I let my mind and emotions wander, and see what they uncover and discover.  Sometimes it’s comfortable, sometimes not.

I have noticed my rawness lately hasn’t been nearly as hairy scary as that last time i took a vacation from “doing everything”.

I also notice a deeper, more satisfied peace, all the bugaboos, and ugliness my ego and mind tried to come with regarding how I was this or that in a negative light, have failed and faded.

I can’t help but think that some of the muck, attempting to cover up my light and mental stability, has evaporated a little bit more.

My tools for the day/last 3 weeks/or whenever it was I last blogged, have been patience(just sitting), and letting go(breathing), spending as much time as I can out doors, on my bike, driving somewhere.

The other day I was in a funk and needed to get stuff done to go back to work, and it was obivious two people were wandering around in different directions in my body, so I got on my bike in the sun to an excellent salad place, took my journal to write out priorities/clear out headspace/ and figure out what was most important to do next.

By the time I got back to the house I was more focussed for awhile.

To anyone else who may feeeeeel the silly season, as a mixed blessing, I’m with you.  We’ll get through this, and my favorite holiday is coming…A WHOLE NEW YEAR, Wow!

Blessings,

George





Clear, Honor, Rhythm

1 12 2009

I’ve been scared shtless lately.  Two weeks ago an event occurred that triggered a chain of events that if I were totally honest about, have knocked me on my ____ on the inside.  I functioned.  I fullfilled obligations for room and board.  But inside I was lost gone bye, bye.  There have been a myraid of blog titles I emailed to myself and never wrote, concious anxiety-how to gain the benefits of anxiety while observing ones self go through it(a rather out of mind day).

I got through the first wave in about a week and felt good and functional and could have communicated and blogged, but then I used the energy to take care of myself.  Get through the obligations, create what I needed to be ok next.

“Clear your energy, honor your rhythm, Live your vision”, pg 51 of my book.  Living Out Of Darkness.

Even now as I attempt my first blog in over a week, my energy is muddy.  I have been honoring my rhythm, I’ve been scared, and extra gentle.  I have finally figured out that no matter how harsh I can be with me, whispers get me where I want to be much faster.  The more I allow every little voice in me to speak up, the more whole I feel.  Whenever I’ve been triggered, dark, non-functional, non-verbal, at times catatonic, and I have taken the time to listen, instead of criticise, the little parts of me, I start to feel whole again.  I also know any time I’ve yelled at a part of myself for being week or too emotional, or xyz, then usually that part of me will surface again.

Even though I’m not out of the woods yet,  I am very grateful for having created a lifestyle with lots of down time, and the awareness I have accumulated over the years with bipolar to be able to let myself be still, be open, be in nature, and allow the frazzled parts of me to speak up, and let go.

It doesn’t matter to me how many times I drop the ball let go, or become triggered and non-functional, what matters to me now, is knowing and allowing my own natural rhythyms to gradually reset me into a calmer, more peaceful, functional state.

Clearing, honoring, rhythming,

George





Barking

17 11 2009

I’m happy excited moving through lots of energy and projects, and my radar tweaks a bit.  It says funky energy alert.  Funky energy alert?  Yep.  Coming from a past of no clear boundaries or definition of, and being an empath(new word I’m discovering and adding to my vocab), it is at first an uncomfortable feeling.  It took years to discover what boundaries were, much less clear ones, how to set, defend, and maintain.  After having them for awhile it took awhile to understand how they can be a little bit flexible.

Anyway,

As I was driving from one location to another(I love driving/thinking/jamming out to current groove which blends uplifts current state of mind), I was feeling uncomfortable.

When I realized it was an interaction with someone that didn’t feel right ie:  Seeing one thing, feeling/hearing another, I realized a boundary that I haven’t had to defend or interact with in quite awhile was being tested.

I like being generous, open, happy, in the flow, I don’t like being taking advantage of-or more importantly allowing others to take advantage of me.  Just because I like being friendly doesn’t mean there is a walk all over me bumpersticker on my forehead anymore.

So when I realized what was happening, that I had allowed someone’s energy to invade my own a little bit, I spontaneously starting BARKING.

?

uh, George, would you mind explaining that a little bit.

ok.

My first language was dog.  I learned to communicate fluent dog, before I ever understood what humans were screaming about all the time.

So like dogs, when another one got to close, I started barking.  A warning back off bark.  It’s ok I was alone in my truck miles from anywhere, and having fun.  I barked, woofed, laughed and barked some more.  Anytime that person’s energy or thoughts came up, I barked again.  By the time my drive was over, I was dancing groovin flowing, and went on with my day like nothing happened.

Learning how to become aware of our personal space/energy/minds, and how to create a feeling of safety, in order to express who we are is a biggie, especially for me.

Barking was my tool for the day, in feeling safe with my bipolar experience.  Instead of feeling a happy functional high crash hard, because I wasn’t feeling safe, I was able to energetically protect myself, get back in my own center of energy, and groove on with a happy flow.

Wag

George








%d bloggers like this: