Triggered

19 11 2009

A couple days ago I successfully manifested an event that triggered me in a not so good way.  It was like I was running on 100% very functional brain power, and a present day physical/mental event shuttered me back into 40% brain power, very non-functioning mode.  It was really weird.  On one hand I was very familiar with walking through the fog half functioning, being bumped like a pinball through the events of the day and the current unavoidable tasks at hand, between moments I had to just sit a bit.  My mood dropped into negative, my positive faith was challenged, and I forgot my golden bipolar rule/suggestion, when I’m down.  Don’t look ahead or behind.  If my view is crappy in the present, chances are when I think about the past, or the future, then it is equally as negative or worse.  This is huge.   If I allow this to occur in my mind for very long, it snowballs into a negative life sucks nightmare, and can triggere a very negative direction.  I also noticed the sun dipping below the mountains, and not being up for very long, a second environmental factor to be aware of and pay attention too.  For this I got out my portable LED SAD light and turned it on for awhile to help with the light deficit.

Not only was I triggered into the past negative mental states, and wandering around a bit confused disorientated and lost, the physical environment was not being helpful either.  My number one tool, for helping me with bipolar the last couple days to get through and get back on track and steer my mind around a major episode opportunity, was to pick up my book, and read.  This is why I wrote my book about bipolar.  When I am in an extremely negative state, I forget the hard earned intelligence and awareness about being bipolar.  The passage that I remembered to read, was my one titled HELP!.  Which is located on page 56 of my book “Living Out Of Darkness”.  Even though I wasn’t feeling very positive or faithful, I remembered that if I physically got on my knees, and asked for help, that it had worked in the past many times, and somehow I would get through my mental fog, fullfill my obligations, and get through this experience.  I did.  Help wasn’t instant, but I got through 1 hr after another, very carefully.  Eventually I remembered, that when I’m negative or currently triggered, it’s not a good idea to make any decisions, that I can’t put off for atleast a week.  I can feel like crap, make a rash decision, take action, and be much worse off, if instead I can just focuss on the present, take care of myself as best I can, and chances are, things might get better soon, and then make decisions and take actions.

Thank God, for God.  Thank God, for grace.

My prayer through this time was “please protect me from myself”.  Even though I lose faith, feel unconnected, if I can intellectually re-member myself with positive physical actions, and reading words that have helped in the past, then so far, I’ve gotten through, with the help of grace, everything I’ve ever manifested in my life, whether it was initially positive or negative.

Today I’m thanking myself for writing a positive focussed book on bipolar, so that I can help myself be a successful bipolar person.

Peace,

George








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