Alaska Sisters, Rock!

30 09 2013


My monthlong ordeal of fearing an event at work has passed.  THank God, and an awesome Alaska Sister!

I wish all of us could have a tough chick, REAL run/camp with wolves Ak sister.  In the heat of battle when my butt was kicked by day 1 of a 2 day from hell work event.  I called my sister.  She listened, encouraged, and then got to it.

You have a smartphone?


download rocky theme,


go to treadmill and walk till you drop,


wake up, do it again,

Yeah.  She saved my butt again.  Reminded me I’m human, a good person in-spite of current external events, and to pick my butt up and keep going forward, cause and she quoted me this time, “I’m too stupid to quit.”

I did.  Downloaded Rocky, stayed in motion till sleepy, got up at 3am when anxiety mind woke up, and got back on treadmill.  Second day went much better.

Bipolar Disorder Sucks!!!

Sisters, trusted loved ones, that I can call in times of need and otherwise, ROCK!

Life is guaranteed to continue kicking my butt from time to time.  I can either join in the fray of finishing me off with my own mind, or use it to reach out to someone more clear headed, to kick my whimpering butt back on track to deal with reality as it is happening.

I’ve run.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve quit and run screaming into the dark night 1,000 of times for years at a time, but so far, I’ve also picked my mind and body back up again, at least one more time, and kept going.

Bipolar Dis-Order SUCKS!!

Bipolar-Order, Rocks!

Day one my butt was kicked, I was as prepped as could be but became overwhelmed.

Day two, with the night time ring side coaching by AK Sister, Bipolar Order, kicked in.  Because my mind did it’s thing in hyper mode all night, I probably analyzed the situation at a far superior rate than a “normal” mind.  Came up with a plan, and executed it perfectly.

We can choose to cooperate, nurture, support, protect, our wonderful Lamborghini Brains, or assist in their self destruction.

I know not all people on the planet are able to have 100% Alaska Sister in their corner of their mental boxing ring, but it sure would solve a lot of problems.

Chin up,


Unfolding Raw

13 06 2013

image We live. We breathe. Some achieve the current societal ideal. Some suffer endlessly. Who am I to say or see right or wrong.

Yet I do. Open mouth insert raw moment of looking in a soul and offering up what is viscerally sensed.

Gift or curse?

Gift; uninhibited by many “normal” fears I’ll say what needs to be said or act on a sincere inner intuitive derivative process.

Curse; I don’t always get it right and have the physical emotional relational financial scars to prove it.

Gift: I’ve seen/lived inside the inner subtle gifts of solitude and gratitude of risking raw and assisting many soul expansions. Cost: sanity, commitment to inner subtle verses outer comfort. Last winter, my belief and faith burned and evaporated, I forgot in the process it was renewing, deepening, opening to a new raw. My art is finally oozing out at a gentle steady pace. I find myself on my knees again surrendering my arrogance to serve a flow, be the fool, babble, speak, see, create the moment with people or landscape inner or outer. This raw I’m currently in I declare as good, uncomfortable, scary, opening. When I accept the wreckage from my uniqueness as a human, I can see what’s left that I truly am and breathe, create, pray on.

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