Toad Talk

21 03 2010

Vrrrrrooom.  Vrrrrrroooom.  Uh, oh.  I know what thiiis, means.  Someone’s little brother inside has awoken and decided to provide and audio/written sound WEEEEEE,  WEEEEEEE, WEEEEE(siren)  track for this blog.  Good morning Wally(my happy inner kiddo)  how was(RRRRRVVVVROOOOOMSSSSSS)(I think that was a jet flying over we are near the airport).  I’ll continue with the blog.  Please enjoy my little bro’s input. Raaaaaa,,RRRRRAaaaaaa(snowmachine on the river)(it’s Frozen)

Anyway,

One of my bosses gave me a very important lesson after one of my first encounters with corporate stupidity.  He said be a duck just let the water flow off your back(Quack Quack Quack) ok Wally thank you for sharing that was a good one(no there are not any ducks here).

So immediately I starting quacking like a duck every time the big wigs would pass down a rush rush job we busted our butts to do, and then they wouldn’t use what we built.  Instead of being pissed off, I started Quack Quack Quack, yes Wally that’s right.  In fact I had so much fun with this at work(I discovered I couldn’t get fired cussing someone out in Donald Duck talk) that I turned the job over to my CFO(chief fun officer) who has made his present’s known todayQUACK< VROOOOM<VRRRRWEEEEE(different snow machine)

Ok.

So, on todays walk to clear my brain of fear when I woke up, I discovered a new sound, I can do.  In the last year or so I let myself see wolf packs of humans.  IE, groups of “buddies”  usually men, that like to cut and slash each other verbally until one of them gets pissed off and blows his stack.  I realized I didn’t want to run with this mentality anymore so I have circled away from the pack.

Yesterday, while sitting in class with a bunch of wolf/human/”buddy”/coworkers, someone tempted me to bite and snarl back.  Instead I just calmly looked at him and relaxed.

He called me a toad. ok Wally now it’s your turn, thanks for holding off on all the barks woofs and growwwls.Riiibit, RRRRRibt.  RrRRRRibit.  Good one’s Wally I’m glad you are helping me today.

Yep,

you guessed it.

My coping technique for today:

When I feel attacked, I’ll react like a toad.  RRRRRRibit.  RRRRRibit.

smiling, hugging my inner happy kiddo little bro,

George, AND WAAALLY





Learning….FUun, right?

20 03 2010

Patting myself on the back for being a great voice of advocating what works and doesn’t work for me.  Laughing at myself for taking on an instructor that’s been in the field longer than I’ve been alive.  Scared because the career I’ve had for twelve years is disappearing.  Resistant to learning the new field they want me to go into because I feel no natural inclination or ability.  Spinning in small world fear.  Working towards big picture relief.  And a million other voices running around in my head.

Ok George, Choice time:  Lie here in bed and watch the brain spin cycle, or get up, put on every warm item I have, and go walk in the cold for 30 mins.

I am up and out the door.

Still scared but now I have fresh oxygen in my body, and experienced a few moments of less fear, and a few laughs when I realized I’m like a little guy doing the dog paddle between to huge super tankers.  On one side career is changing(dang it), on the other side my passion of gently allowing my positive message to grow by word of mouth, and being happy with the outcomes.(I don’t wish to submit to a career I have no passion or interest for, I don’t want to sell my soul to business in promoting or selling a product I may think is good but in the process become a stressed out marketed person).

Anyway.

Learning, growing, groaning, laughing at myself, and grateful.

My pressure relief valve for all of this was thinking about all the blogs I could write about bipolar, and making excellent food choices this week, and steering clear of coffee.

I’m in an environment that I could easily have major blowouts in all week.  I’m not exactly being a good and complacent little student, but I don’t think I’ve crossed the line yet.  Gee George, ya might want to slow down, that was just the first day.  OOPS! Hee hee.

Laughing again at myself,

George





Double Shot of Happy Please,

10 03 2010

“What gift do you offer yourself and others when you are happy in an unhappy world,” Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  March 10th.

Please get a copy of Alan’s book or borrow from a friend and read today’s lesson.  It is VITAL to our culture.  It really is the gift of international relations through internal relation.  I have a dear friend Connie who is a tornado of positivity.  My cheeks ache from grinning nonstop ear to ear after seeing or hearing her on the phone because her can of whoop *ss morphed into happiness and believing in herself inside a long time ago. (She sometimes dares to argue with me about the mute point of whether it was in this life or numerous previous ones that her transformation occurred)  Anyway, she is WOW, bubbly happy motivated in motion, lights up a room.  She completely disregards the stresses and just powers on through her next positive action.  She inspires me to be a more daring me, and how much light of me can I allow others to see.

Bartender, please give me a double of what Connie is having and keep ‘em coming!

George (grinning)





Uniqutivity

7 03 2010

“I do not need to prove myself to anyone or change to fit others expectations.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Can I have an Amen to Alan Cohen today?

“…have faith in yourself and your process.  Then you will not have to tremble before God, for God will embrace you right where you stand.” , Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity, March 7th.

Unique/Creativity= Uniqutivity.  It’s a new word day!

After they finished breaking the mold that I was brewed in they didn’t bother making a form that I could fit back into, THANK GOD!!

Here here for unique individuals that dare roam this earth seeking paths, which a byproduct is other’s cause to pause and reflect on the box.  Is there a box?  Box?  What box?

It is sheer determination to be me, no matter what, that has led me into, out of, and through so many challenges in life, and come up with so many unique solutions.  It is also what bonded me so closely to positive metaphysics when I discovered them from Alan Cohen and Unity, so many years ago.  I knew something was haywire in my brain, but I also had a belief in myself that I was this way for a reason.  It was through spiritual teachers like Alan that cheered me on in person and through written word that I was able to discover, hey guess what???  Newsflash:  Bipolar can actually be an incredible life altering ongoing daily spiritual journey.  Yes, drop the dis-order, seek the order, and better yet seek the opportunity your uniqueness is.  Whoa George sounds like you are on a soapbox.  Ok, Ok, I am.  I just want to share how important today’s lesson is.  If your current life is not fitting, please keep an open mind to the possibility of attracting or creating a life that is awesome beyond your wildest imagination.  Please keep the faith in your own individuality, and the power of a positive benevolent force, which is constantly conspiring for your good.  A big truth I discovered early on with this lesson was that anyone, anywhere, at anytime, can have a personal relationship with a positive power greater than themselves.

Be Free!

George





Me, myself, and George

4 03 2010

“I celebrate their success as a harbinger of mine.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity Mar 3

Whew! A lesson I can relax around and pat myself on the back with.  I could easily prove myself wrong in the next five minutes but for now I can honestly say I’m not experiencing envy.

Envy leads me into fantasy in a negative way.  When I imagine someone has something I want, then I am believing there is something I can’t have or if only I…  Anytime I have let myself go down that road it usually gets bumpier than I like.  Victim mode, the universe is small and limited, can be so easy to slip into.  Envisioning something new and juicy in my life, anything is possible and the universe is here to help me manifest my highest good, is enthralling, especially after I proved to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is actually possible.  My latest juicy discovery about what I wish to create in my life is sharing the awesomeness that I am, creating more avenues of sharing the gifts I receive on my bipolar journey with others.

we pause here as old George laughs at himself.  How arrogant and fake can you get?  “sharing the awesomeness that you are, get real dude.”

Well,  George, guess what???  If it weren’t for you believing life is good and my awesomeness is possible from the inside out, I wouldn’t be walking around in a life which is beyond what I thought was possible.

Dude, you still haven’t manifested, X,Y, and Z.  So there, what do you say about that mr big shot?

Your  right George, there are many things I haven’t manifested yet.  But since you are inside of me, why don’t you look around and see how it feels.

Uhh, yeah, I guess I see what you mean George.  It is in inside out thing isn’t it.  Do you think it is ok if I new vision my current self as part of my old self.

Yes, George, you are a genius, that is, exactly what we are being.

Quirky smile,

George





Silliness ROCKS!!!

2 03 2010

“…their true identity is grander than the troubles the world poses, and they teach more by joy than by words.”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity. March 1st.

Wow!!!  my most favoritests topic!  Me hav bunches a favs but this gotsa to be a big’un.  Me, myself, and I have discovered humor, sillyness, outrageousness is availible 24/7 365.  Odds are if I allow myself to be goooooofy enough I can laugh at anything.  I love sticking my tonge out and fingers in my ears and wagging my tale all at the same time.  I love making sounds with my mouth like I’m driving a truck or race car.  I love dancing spontaeously for no particular reason with or without music.  I’m blessed with being bipolar in this way.  No matter how dark I’ve gotten at times, the light inside me has never extinguished, and sometimes in my darkest moments in the far reaches of the back of my cave, out bounces the goofy being that I am.  THANK GOD.   At first I used to ignore or poo poo this light being in me because I was busy being moody, grumpy, alone, depressed and desparate and beat up by life I didn’t need any silliness thank you very much I just sat and suffered.

UUUUFffda.  Fortunately my goofy self could never take no for an answer for very long.  In fact when I healed a bunch of childhood stuff, and discovered my happy inner kiddo I affectionately refer to as WALLY, then it was game on.  I made Wally the CFO in my head (Chief Fun Officer), I gave him carte blanche to interrupt my moody darkness in any way he saw fit whenever he felt like it.  I forgot about this and life moved on. I was in a funk one day, and WHAM, next thing I know I’m skipping along the sidewalk, jumping into the ocean when it’s way too cold and uncivilized, walking around in public fountains, buying super soakers giving one to a current friend then sneaking up on him  or her and getting in all kinds of trouble.  Just the other day Wally upgraded his gaming system to an xbox 360 and we both love the driving games. Vrooom, Vroooom, (oops Wally was taking a mouth break from writing)

The more I play, the less I focus on “THE LIST”, and “my problems”, the more I allow my inner kiddo to show me how fun just about anything (including work) can be, the happier I am.

Nowadays when I’m in my deep dark cave and Wally shows up, I love to listen and follow his directions.

Hokey Pokey’s to ya,

Wally and George





Goofy…GOOOOD!

15 02 2010

“How might you succeed more by clarifying your signal and sending it out with confidence?” from Alan Cohen’s new book A Daily Dose of Sanity, Feb 16th.

I like this one a lot.  I’ve discovered lots of internal freedom in my life long ago when I admitted I was weird, different, slightly crazy(ok abundantly so), and unique.  Bipolar has given me a wonderful journey of truth and exploration.  The way my brain is wired and some scientific discoveries of which I don’t pay attention to details are beginning to affirm this. Anyway, where was I, oh yes.  Expressing the vibration that I am has led my life on an amazing journey.  When ever there has been a question about greener grass or is this really true, 9 times out of ten in any group that I’ve been in, I’m the one that’s gone there done that, and found the next butterfly to chase.   The rewards have been endless.  When I think about many things, there isn’t the question of what if.  At the same time my universe keeps expanding, now I wanna do this this and this.  How freeing is that?  OOps before I forget, yesterday I goofed.  Alan Cohen’s new book is A Daily Dose of Sanity, not A Daily Dose of Reality, which of course leads me to ponder the slip of my mind and eager anticipation of when he does write the book.  The more uniqueness I express, the more I admit and confess to myself and those I trust how “crazy” I am…wait for it…The MORE NORMAL I FEEL.  Whoa!  What’s going on here George?  By admitting you are crazy you feel normal???!  When I no longer agree with views of life and “reality” that I have personally experienced to the contrary internally or externally, and the more I allow my humor and goofiness, and big heart to express itself fully and freely, the less crazy, and more normal I feel.  If I were to take a guess on it.  By being my goofy me, it allows others to be themselves, and relax a little more in my presence.  When others relax a little more, I end up having more friends, interesting conversations, and a connectedness with beings from planet earth wether furry or smooth skin human.  With friends and connectedness, I feel accepted and appreciated.  Hmmmm.  I totally and completely agree with Alan’s daily reading today and highly recommend it.  The more authentic I am in my life, I attract people to resonate with, and situations melt that don’t serve the juicyness of life.  Our inner joy of expression is our constant guide to inner ease in life.

Big Goofy Sloppy Heart to Heart Hug with a wag and a wiggle, ; / >.

George

(I detect a slight high coming on, this otta be fun…)








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