Is my anxiety me, or is it a circumstance?
Is my anxiety me, or is it a learned survival identity?
Is my anxiety temporary, or permanent?
Is the root of my anxiety a coping mechanism for a temporary traumatic situation, gone viral?
When I first discovered/acknowledged anxiety in me and all of it’s flavors, manifestations/forms. I wanted to deny it, like I had all along, with action, distraction, chaos and food.
When I began acknowledging studying, healing etc., believe it or not, anxiety diminishment occurred.
In the peak of engulfment of learning/being in my anxiety, I answered the first questions as, yes I am an anxious person by nature and always have been.
In the post of my years of learning self care, protection, nurturing, creating, I can acknowledge, no, I’m not an anxious person.
Yes the recipe of my life was an anxious creation, yet the conscious living of my life since, has lead to a calm endeavor, rich with serenity, I bit of chaotic and growth spice, followed by calm seas. Each helping define the other.
In July, for the first time in my life I declared I was a calm sane, “normal” individual left up to my own devices by nature. Since then I’ve dealt with a series of work and life storms that have invited me back to “I’m just a crazy person”.
NEWSFLASH to my soul: I’ve ridden the storm, discovered underlying causes, and declare once again, I’m sane.
This is huge for me, because I rarely felt that as a kid, and never as an adult since I was locked up for 5 weeks at 17.
My adult life, began in a state run psychiatric institute. Go figure, I’ve been driven by the anxiety of being officially labelled crazy, and the fear of being locked up again, ever since.
Thank God, I chose to believe, I wasn’t junk, I was created this way for a reason, and that I would and have find a way to live autonomously, with the gifts that I am.
I never, ever, in 25 years since I was released from the mental institute, think I could consider myself sane, and normal.
Miracles Happen, I know this, because I am one.
If I can figure a way out, maybe my words can be of service to the next individual willing to wrought their way out of their inner angst.
peace,
George Denslow