Sip a Little

15 03 2013

Stop.  Sit.  Breathe.

Sip a little bit of what is deeply already you.  Today is here, and is happening; already finding it’s way with and without our help and permission.  We still have some influence on it, but what and how are we going to participate?  Are we going to fluff the day with ignorance of routine and reading the script of boredom set before the imaginary teleprompter of acquiescence?  Are we going to boldly be stupid no matter what and make a mess, or gamble and win?

Stop.

Sit a little, just a moment, breath again.

Who are we, really?

Sip a little, of who we really are.

Do the being that you are.





Drop In

5 02 2013

Recently I’ve been accused of being a drop out… again.  I get that feedback a lot.  It of course in turn triggers the expected societal shame, anxiety, and internal shut down processes even more.  Even today in the process of writing my new book, I shut down after writing about being accused again of the horrors of dropping out.

Wouldn’t it be so simple if we could just shame and bully people into our dominant viewpoint, they shut down internally, altar their behavior externally, the way in which we believe/desire, and go about our business?

It could be labeled as a behavioral view of world history.

However, my vast insides are far greater then the current limited homogenized viewpoint of societal potential.

I’m actually grateful for all of the bullies in my life, because I’ve spent more time shutdown, shut in, and consequently dropped in to what is more real than the offered delusions and temptations of fulfillment chased after by so many.  I actually see what I’ve “dropped out” of far smaller than what I’ve dropped in to.

What is dropping in?

Short answer:  Being.

Longer answer:  Being and accepting internal intuitive truth, and taking action on direction from within.

Is it really that simple?

Yes and no.

Yes; cultivating a sincere internal atmosphere of contemplation and external action which increases tranquility in daily life is possible, and might even help nudge others towards internal peace.

No, it’s not easy, even though it’s labeled conversely by society as dropping out, etc.

Is it worth it?

Definitely.  Dropping in to who I am, and being able to say yes or no to actions, people, truth, situations; ie LIFE, as it unfolds is a much calmer more enjoyable way to be.

Is it always calm and peaceful?  Nope.

In the beginning for me I was a non-stop anxiety driven neurotic freak show barely learning how to observe and mimic basic societal interactions, let alone study and begin internalizing peace.

Over time, 20 plus years, I gradually discovered split seconds of internal peace, and obsessed about whether or not I could influence another to occur.

Than came more moments, days, years, of deep true peace.  Interrupted of course by life adventures, wanderings, and ego delusions which all need to be worked out in the course of any human life.

Now I still have anxiety and bipolar behavior, but the ratio is reversed.  I have much higher percentage of peace, real true internal peace, separated by brief moments or periods, of extreme anxiety.

Dropping in; it’s slow, gradual, and highly nutritious for ones soul.

Peace

George





Ocean Joy

27 07 2010

“It is the essence of darkness that defines the stillness in my soul when sunlight is once again appreciated.” George Denslow

Sun on my face, clear green ocean, warm sand beneath the waves, another 100 yards to go.  Stinging eyes and nose from ocean salt, frustrated thrashing with ocean waves, a big grin on my face erupts, I’m in my element, once again.  The joy of focus, simplicity, surrender.

What if my body was a primary focus for awhile, the next chapter in my life?  What if the history of my body is not the destiny of my body?  What if I were once again to dwell on the possibility of letting go of past  physical injuries, and focus on what I can do, to strengthen the rhythm of being healthier?

Duh, so simple George, what is it that triggered this movement in your life?  It’s about the letting go of that which I’m no longer interested in, and circling back to areas in my life, I’m not currently escatic about.  It’s about letting go of current “story” running around in my head about life.  It’s about capturing in the moment in a little mini journal every little bump in the road as I enter this new direction in my life.  What if I was proactive about real time and anticipated anxieties and upsets, and let paper and pen, digital iphone take the energy out of my head story, and keep a healthy body focus through my day?

Kick, glide, breathe, warm ocean water flows by me, smile, feel the sun burn my shoulders.   Once again amazed at how stable I feel with bipolar when I allow my physical urge to be active.

Peace be with you and your body today-George





Cave Visit

14 07 2010

It’s sunny outside, I’m dark inside.

I need God.  I need connection. (breathing sigh of relief) this is sometimes the most difficult part of my cycle, acknowledging admitting allowing when I’m down.  If I allow myself this moment, to breathe, to feel, to allow stillness, sometimes my joy can catch up and open me to the possibility of today.  Pleasantly I’m not focused on what may have brought me down, I’m more interested in this brief visit to my cave to connect with spirit and discover something about this day or in me or with someone that needs to be experienced, I know as soon as I make this discovery or slow down enough to allow insight to catch up, all will be well again.  Thank God for this knowledge, insight, and experience with bipolar to know that even though things feeeeeeel permanent right now, they are actually temporary, and if I were to allow myself to dwell in the dark storms in my head, then I could certainly allow them to rummage around and come up with lots of story to stay here with.  Thank God for blogging, today, I reread my Joy Income and God’s Fools entries and an amazing thing happened.  Something written in my own hand and published while I was in a joy state, is coming back to serve me again.  Not only did I receive joy in writing and sharing it, I’m now receiving the benefits of my own expression.

I am grateful to be bipolar, because it makes life so interesting and perplexing.

The tool I’ve used today for being successfully bipolar, even in low times at work (many obligations waiting for my attention), is writing.  It’s huge for me to record my high states, so that when I’m back in my cave, I can’t deny that joy does exist in my life and I can re-connect if I allow myself time to want it.

The stillness I’ve allowed myself in this current emptiness is already filling with unexpected sources of energy and joy, and lifting my mood as I write to match the sun coming through my window.  Thank you for being a part of my re-opening today.  Energy Hug if you need one,

Breathing much easier,

George





Hungry for dirty dishes

11 05 2010

Empty is in my organic bipolar rhythm.  I used to view it as bad.  I used to get frustrated with it.  Why, why does it keep occurring?

When I do the dishes (I still enjoy old fashioned hands hot water soap), the sink either fills with dirty water or it just drains away as I wash.  When I’m done, I wipe down the sink and it is ready for a fresh batch of dirty dishes.

When my current batch of busyness, or exciting stuff ends, my sink feels dirty and empty.  Hence I sink a bit.

When I allow time and moment to remember the sponge to wipe the sink,

When I allow spirit the openness for me to empty my mind and ask the question, what’s next?

I feel comforted because my sink is clean.

If I’m down or empty or frustrated again with being bipolar, it’s good to re-member the process of cleaning my sink, allowing opening to what’s new, and eagerly anticipating the next big batch of dirty dishes coming my way.

Time to cook,

George





Choosing positive

16 04 2010

“This experience taught me that wherever I am, God is.  I am always taken care of, often in ways I could not control or plan.”  Alan Cohen.  A Daily Dose of Sanity, April 15th.

This is an excellent passage that Alan wrote for today.  It is a story of need, letting go, and being provided for by the natural abundance of the universe in a way he couldn’t have planned.

I’m finding fear and insecurity, and subsequent old behaviors cropping up as I slip back into my work role for the month.

My technique for the day has been to discover what I’m feeling:  insecurity.  Flip it(what do I want to feel=security, safety, confidence, faith).

Instead of identifying my mind and thoughts with what I’m currently actually feeling(fear).  I’m affirming what I want to feel.

In other words the dialogue I’m creating and tuning into through out my day in the back of my head is.

“I feel safe, I feel secure, I feel ok.”  Immediately as I just did this, my body took a deep breath and released it.

This is the miracle of using our minds to create what we really want and need.

Yes, I can let my mind continue to spin in the negative direction it was going when I woke up, OR,

I can identify what I really want to feel, and affirm it, until I do.

I feel peace, I feel calm, I feel ok, I feel release.

Over and over and over.  And it’s working.

This is how I live and deal with the negative racing thought mental spin cycle that shows up in me from time to time with bipolar.

A toolbox of ideas and techniques I’ve been shown or discovered over the years to altar my current mental direction usually before it gets out of hand, and choose/create a future direction and present experience which is much more to my liking.

The passage Alan wrote today is huge for me, because it reminds me it’s not all about me, providing for me.

Even though it would appear the universe thinks I’m strong enough to deal with my current mental opportunities, the universe is also giving me a gentle reminder through Alan’s story of being provided for in unexpected ways, that what I truly need, always shows up.

What I need today, in order to stay in a positive mental direction:

I feel safe, I feel secure, I feel ok.  Breathe.  I feel safe, I feel secure, I feel ok…

Breathing, Releasing, focusing/choosing good outcomes,

George





OOOPS! OH well, restart.

22 03 2010

Hey George, READ YOUR BLOG, and follow directions.  ?  YES YOU GEORGE.

?

Remember, coping tool, RRRRRibit.

yeah.

did you???

OH.

OOOOPS!

I had a blow out yesterday.  At the end of the day I reread my blog about just being a toad, and laughed till I cried because I did the exact opposite.  I took insult after condescending insult from my instructor until I blew up in his face.  He finally found and crossed a line in me I was no longer willing to tolerate and be bigger than.

So, with bipolar when I have a blow out.  It’s good old fashioned paper and pen journal time.  I like to call them after action reports.

on page 35 in my book “Living Out of Darkness-a personal journey of embracing the bipolar opportunity.”

I wrote, “it is very helpful to have a written reference in our own hand to go back to and try to figure out what happened.”

What I’ve figured out, is that I am scared.  I have a lot of stability in my life, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the career that I have because of the mental challenge, and lots of quiet time in between the action moments.

This time is over, and if I wish to continue with this company, I need to use less of my brain, and more of my body, in an environment I don’t feel comfortable in.

Yes, I could get a new job.  And, I feel so closely connected with my passion of sharing what I learn about my bipolar journey, I wish to linger as long as I can so I can nurture and grow my passion into a potential dream of being financially supported while full time sharing, living in my passion.

Because I am a dreamer.  Because I have lived so much in high states of mind, and survived low states to know the value of living what I am right now.  I am able to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and learn things that scare me.  My current job helped me to realize how smart I was, and how capable I was in figuring things out.  Now I get to learn how brave and physically skilled I can become.

Thank God for my daily routine today, of getting up and walking even when I didn’t want to.  Writing to help sort my brain out(thanks for listening), and reading positive spiritual literature to feed my brain something else besides obsession about my worries.

Thank God I am bipolar, and have dream of continuing to share my passion for it.

Thanks God, for all the people in my life that know the good that I am, regardless of all the other silliness I get involved in.

peace, hugs,

George








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