Service Out of Ego

20 06 2015

This day is about service, plane and simple. Nope, not out of the goodness of my heart. Simply out of my fear of losing room and board. When my ego mind based on past fears gets out of whack with my current employer and source of food and shelter, then it’s time to dig, dig deep. When I dig into my organic mental health tool box and i’m still pissed off and want to quit run hide thrash, and still have to be politically correct in close quarters with my co-workers on annual remedial repetitive safety training, I gotta dig deep. Not into endurance, but unseen, spiritual faith. I’ve done everything I can do today to get my mind and heart in the right direction, and yet I still feel Mr Arrogant A-blank churning and boiling in the chest. My urge my psychic warfare jerk is itching at the starting line to attack my co-workers, and shrivel them to dust with my insights.

This is bipolar haywire in the workplace. So I have a little more time before the day begins to keep digging for the gold to release my anger and frustration and help me get thru this day without destroying the good and functional parts of my life. So many times before, I’ve blown out, ignore the signs, walked away, got fired, quit, etc.

But today I keep digging. What I rediscovered a moment ago, is that my judgements boiling over, are all about past experiences, and fear of losing. I did not grow up in an intelligent friendly calm environment. I have experienced many haywire events first hand. But that gives me no right to destroy anyone else day.

It does give me an opportunity in this moment to surrender to unseen faith, that a power greater then me and my current situation, can somehow use and twist this situation into good.

What I am seeing is this day is about others, new days. Not nightmare reruns of my old days. If I can keep my ego out of the way, and find enough duct tape to keep my mind and mouth shut, and keep my body and energy in movement of serving the situation and egos outside of me, then I just might get thru, without self destruction.

Why?

Because I love and enjoy a very high percentage of my life, and I don’t want to have a temporary bad mental week, which can occur at any time and in any ideal situation, to destroy what for the most part is very doable for me.

So today, I pray, that my ego stays in a straight jacket, and my mouth goes mute, and my hands and heart lead with faith that God can help me be of service to others.

I hope to serve my way OUT of ego today.


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