22 02 2014

In light of the current chaos I instigated at work, and a message to my rebellious nature, i’ve found and reprinted this blog from. 2/20/12

Bipolar Disorder gets part of it’s bad rap from misunderstood rebellion, or rebellion for the sake of, born out of frustration.  It is a huge gift/response-ability to see potential, and a huge maturity process to learn how to survive as a functional soul in our society with a proclivity for status quo.  Yet here in lies one of the major ruff spots I’ve discovered for being bipolar.

How do I successfully negotiate the inner uninhibited drive for seeing/speaking positive change and possibilities enough to feel I’ve honored this gift, and not be so crushed in the process, I lose hope?

The natural rhythm of being bipolar is tricky enough, with active resistance of a safe based culture, it can be brutal.  At times I’ve rebelled no matter the cost and experienced mixed results, at times I’ve fallen within, and experienced an inner numbness which leads only to a deeper darkness.  This always leads to the question, which came first chicken or the egg with bipolar.   What I’ve discovered over time is that the extreme dysfunction of bipolar can be lessoned as the sacred role of visionary is honored (first from within), and the skill set of learning how to interact with society, while honoring the inner drives is danced.

So what is the trick/methodology/purpose?

What I’ve learned, is first and foremost that I am experiencing the inside of a sacred societal role, which is not always appreciated or honored, and is often sacrificed in the process.  This was huge to discover, accept, and appreciate.  This was mostly through the study of shamanism, and the personal lives of visionaries in history such as Abe Lincoln or Leonardo DaVinci. When I could relate to their struggles before they experienced success in their life, I could understand better the inner human process of being unusual in society.

I’ve also learned it is part of my own physical personal vitality to act on what I see as best I can in some way, even if it can only be done in the safe confines of my own mind.  This was the beginning of internal mental freedom, which began to separate the immediate need of external actions without much thought that often got me into trouble and mixed results from my original good intentions.

I’ve learned holding the vibration/images/visions of positivity in my own being, is like water melting ice, eventually I met other like minded individuals, and I didn’t experience life as isolated anymore.  My first contact was books and writing.  It is also a source of renewal when my journey is solo.

Lately I’ve learned to let go of results, because my ego gets tripped up in them, and instead embrace the process of gentle change.  This allows me to play a long term inside role in society, and enjoy a “life” in the process.

Learning this process of being an active visionary, which is inherently connected with my vitality and well being is a huge subtle ongoing force.  It is the driving factor for continual discovery, which is a fascinating and renewing inner journey as well.

If I were to have a point today, it would be honor your role.  It may not be easy, fun, or appreciated, yet it could be vital.

If you find yourself struggling inside today with the forces of visionary change, and the urge to act no matter what, I honor you.  Thank you for being an agent of seeing and creating positivity in our culture.

If you find yourself lost or numb in your day, I offer you a moment of acknowledgement, rest easy, and may your next moment of change bring a new hope.

Change on,






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