Anxious Not?

9 10 2013

ImageIs my anxiety me, or is it a circumstance?

Is my anxiety me, or is it a learned survival identity?

Is my anxiety temporary, or permanent?

Is the root of my anxiety a coping mechanism for a temporary traumatic situation, gone viral?

When I first discovered/acknowledged anxiety in me and all of it’s flavors, manifestations/forms.  I wanted to deny it, like I had all along, with action, distraction, chaos and food.

When I began acknowledging studying, healing etc., believe it or not, anxiety diminishment occurred.

In the peak of engulfment of learning/being in my anxiety, I answered the first questions as, yes I am an anxious person by nature and always have been.

In the post of my years of learning self care, protection, nurturing, creating, I can acknowledge, no, I’m not an anxious person.

Yes the recipe of my life was an anxious creation, yet the conscious living of my life since, has lead to a calm endeavor, rich with serenity, I bit of chaotic and growth spice, followed by calm seas.  Each helping define the other.

In July, for the first time in my life I declared I was a calm sane, “normal” individual left up to my own devices by nature.  Since then I’ve dealt with a series of work and life storms that have invited me back to “I’m just a crazy person”.

NEWSFLASH to my soul:  I’ve ridden the storm, discovered underlying causes, and declare once again, I’m sane.

This is huge for me, because I rarely felt that as a kid, and never as an adult since I was locked up for 5 weeks at 17.

My adult life, began in a state run psychiatric institute.  Go figure, I’ve been driven by the anxiety of being officially labelled crazy, and the fear of being locked up again, ever since.

Thank God, I chose to believe, I wasn’t junk, I was created this way for a reason, and that I would and have find a way to live autonomously, with the gifts that I am.

I never, ever, in 25 years since I was released from the mental institute, think I could consider myself sane, and normal.

Miracles Happen,  I know this, because I am one.

If I can figure a way out, maybe my words can be of service to the next individual willing to wrought their way out of their inner angst.

peace,

George Denslow


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One response

9 10 2013
Han

it’s a learned survival identity. if you can notice your anxiety, it is not you. If you can see something, it is not you, because you have to be apart from something to see it. you are viewing it, observing it, something outside of yourself and making observations about it. there is no one that can declare something real or unreal, someone sane or insane. their normal reality is their own mechanism for viewing the world, as is any other perspective. you are a person WITH anxiety, not anxiety. you are not anxiety, as you are experiencing it.

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