Acceptance

4 09 2013

FaithEvery now and then, the sh#t hits the fan, and fear dragons threaten everything.

I’ve been in one of these times when fear seems to be the overriding theme.   It’s been an intense growth cycle this summer, thank God, it’s drawing to a close, I’m not sure how much more growth I can stand before calmer winter energy settles in and I can get on with good old fashioned depression.

Much simpler to deal with depression, go through the emotions, physically nurture, etc.

It’s pretty much a rote routine for me to deal with it, almost a friend I miss in the frenetic energy of summer.

And what a summer.

 

Anyway, Acceptance.  When all else fails.  Accept.  Surrender, get on knees, in FAITH.  ???

Yes.  Believe it or not(I keep re-membering) there is knowledge I do not know, events I can not foresee, and good possible outcomes, I can’t predict or create in my mind before they occur.  I can sure give myself a dark ride before hand if I chose.

This has been my internal battle as of late since receiving some unwanted news of a future event, with imagined disastrous outcomes.  Typical behavior of a wanna be manic  overactive semi/full paranoid mind.

So what do I turn to in times like this?  Drugs, nope, tried that 20 plus years ago with disastrous results.  Alcohol- same.  Food-not working as well as it used to and cravings to be fat and floppy have diminished radically, even started exercising again.

Oh yeah, wait a minute.  How about begging God for help, writing in my journal my worst nightmare scenarios, and crossing my legs, closing my eyes, and …wait for it…being calm and listening, or listening and becoming calm.

Does it work all the time or instantly? not usually.  Somewhat dependent on my current sincerity level and severity of my wandering from my practices of cultivating calm, awareness, and faith.  Which to sum up has been the harvest of this summers internal growth season, duct tape my mind and mouth, get on my knees, and ask how can I best serve and be served, teach and learn, with those I’m currently interacting and or struggling with.  How may I best interact with the current people or situations in my life?

The biggest prize of this summers festivities, has been exactly this.  When all other self delusional activities fail, and sometimes even before.  Accept.  There could be something bigger than my ego of fear involved that could be guiding me to an outcome better than I ever hoped or expected possible.

hmm. yup. it’s been a back to basics experience, of which I’m grateful.  Regardless of my social/learning/relational dysfunction, and for lack of a better word, PTSD, I’m still a good person, creating a life on earth with others in a human body.  I chose daily, whether to ramp up the crazy, or settle deeper in calm.  Accepting the mixed outcome, and over time winning a calm inner faith experience appears to be an internal gift, that keeps expanding, thru every internal, and external real or imagined disaster.

happy harvest season,

george


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3 responses

4 09 2013
Layla Messner

Omg. You posted on FB!
“I’m not sure how much more growth I can stand” Oh man, I hear you!
“There could be something bigger than my ego of fear involved that could be guiding me to an outcome better than I ever hoped or expected possible.” Thank you! I so needed this reminder.

4 09 2013
George Denslow

Oops! I’ve been blogging but not exploring all the technical changes to FB and word press, oh well, Glad u liked it! I luv sharing my outrageous(to me) mind meanderings. Peace, g

Sent from my iPhone

9 10 2013
Han

accepting sadness is not increasing it, it is letting go of it. many people fear to feel their sadness but the processing of it releases it, slow and steady at times if necessary, and in droves and floods at others. “and crossing my legs, closing my eyes, and …wait for it…being calm and listening, or listening and becoming calm.”

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