Tipping Point

22 03 2013

 

I have tea with my inner demons, occasionally.   Do I encourage and believe in them on a daily basis?  No.  Do I acknowledge their existence and power over me?   I try not to.  Do I accept that they exist and allow them free reign from time to time to illustrate their absurdity, yes.

And here is why.  The other day they stormed my internal positive buoyancy and won.  I curled up in a ball and hid, and believed in them like I used to.  Maybe they were right.

Guess what?  The day passed, and the sun came up again.  Internally in the back of my mind all the positive seeds, I had patiently planted over the years, sprouted again, and worked through all the current negativity from positive viewpoints, and the new day, bounced me back to ok, naturally.

When I began my internal journey, I was 99 to 110 percent of the time convinced that I was a useless horrible person, this was the end result of my life experience up to that point, and I had plenty of external proof and opinion of others to support that theory.

It was vital that I believed in something external of me called hope, that all could be well, and I could at some point be connected with something positive other then the dark vacuum that I was.  I held on to hope, positive mental thinking, candles, prayer, yoga, exercise, spiritual retreats, self-help books, anything and everything I could to keep me going through the majority of time when I believed in absolutely nothing but hopeless dreary existence.  I figured even if all the spiritual stuff I was reading and doing was wrong, an occasional glimmer of hope, was a reprieve from the usual cast of demons parading around in my interior scape keeping me bound to lack.

Even now writing this I can feel the all too creepy familiarity of self doubt seep back in. Wow.

Along the way of believing and taking positive actions, something strange happened.  Bit by bit, I started to have moments of feeling ok.  These bits over time began to increase in frequency and coagulate into moments and days.

Eventually, positive buoyancy occurred in my internal vacuum.  The dark thoughts would come…and bounce off and away, from an internalized positive belief system.

What a miracle.  What a discovery, I was actually a good person on the inside.  It was true hope at last.

This is why I believe anyone, anywhere, at anytime, can begin, and experience a journey to their own unique source of good, which is who they already are.

I believe in you, because for several years now, I finally believe in me, from the inside out.

Be you,

George


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