Soul Freedom

23 04 2011

I took a bit of a hit emotionally the other day and chose not to stay on the surface distracting, redirecting, reframing, etc.  I let myself feel it.  In the past this could have turned into a three-month or longer emotional bender, instead I just let it happen for a day.  I let myself be silent, relaxed, and took a long nap.  The earth didn’t shake or come to an end; I didn’t die of anything or make anything worse.  I simply let my heart feel something, deeply.

It was an ending of sorts for me.  I realize that my belief system is wired a little different than a majority of people around me.  This used to cause me a lot of grief.  “Oh know, I don’t think and react like others what’s wrong with me”.  Or some other delusion like that would run around in my head and was hardwired in me to an experience of shame.   “I’m not like other people, therefore I’m wrong.”

Thank God, over time my soul has emerged to take the reigns back in my life and allow me to hear that I’m actually a really good person.  My reactions to life, my commitment level to making something good happen, and my acceptance level of what I do and don’t do, is very high and functional.  This was not an easy awakening to come to, it took years of judging, fearing, and running from who I am, before I was finally able to allow myself to accept that I think far removed from any boxes and experience life in entirely different rhythms.  THANK GOD!

When I was able to begin fully embracing, acting, and living more in tune with whom I really am, wow, life gets good.  And days like yesterday when I allow myself to respond to hurt in a slow gentle and careful way are actually very nurturing.  Today, I was thankful for the time, and began sorting and uncovering what was really going on.  Turns out there are some people and experiences I’m ready to let go of, so that I can begin to dive into what is deeper and more real for me.  This also supports what I would like to begin to create for others as well.

If I had stayed on the surface yesterday, I probably wouldn’t have allowed myself to see this today, or be calm enough to be able to act on what I see.

Is their anything you need to allow yourself to experience today, from the inside out?




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