Chewed Restraints

19 04 2011

Today will be a successful day because I chewed thru my restraints and escaped the vortex of my asylum/home/man cave.  I’ve been deliciously enjoying my inner sanctum, sponsored by a back sprain, dominoes pizza delivery, and netflicks with a liberal dose of Xbox 360 Far Cry 2(shoot em up video game) for good measure.  It’s always interesting when my off time approaches and I eagerly anticipate all the things I will do and then it arrives and sometimes the first thing that goes outside the window is the plan.  Thank God.  I’ve been so buoyant and in life as of late that I really haven’t been deeply psychotic and neurotic.  I really needed a mini meltdown because I’ve forgotten how good and juicy they can be.  The art of being psychotic, neurotic and way too far in one’s mind, is physical comfort, non-medically induced distraction(Internet movies works great)(finally getting around to watching the final season of 24)(Jack Baurer is one of my heros)(I think that’s enough parenthasis for now)

Today is a successful day for another reason which is why I started to write this blog before I refreshed myself on how wonderful it can be inside my personal psych ward/home.

The reason is many fold which is why I’ve started actively writing my next book, but I wanted to capture a bit here today:

Ok so now we are at todays title/lesson:  Learned vs Soul – Identity.

So I chewed thru my restraints experienced vertical hot water and soap and a clean shaved face, dressed in clean clothes and went out in public—AAAAAGH.  (yeah, re-entry can be scary)  I did also patiently let myself decide if I need more shelter time in my home but decided to timidly go forward by promising myself at least another hour on my favorite video game when I got home again.


Here is the scoop:

We have an original soul identity.  And we are good and wonderful and love our uniqueness.

We are born into a situation.

We learn a new identity, some of it includes the original some not.  Some things learned are pleasant and useful, some are completely neurotic and dysfunctional, bipolar can be this.

We either live the rest of our life in this new learned identity and role filled with busyiness/story/ego/distractions and attempting to fill everyone else’s needs other than our own,


We continue our soul journey back to integrating what’s new with our original soul identity.

First, and often ongoing, often avoided, and never fully healed; our minds.  We can learn to relax our own minds.  For an awesome book on this very activity check out:

If we successfully learn to relax our mind/ego/story/drama trauma/etc…

We can begin to heal our heart.  The biggest area of learning for healing our heart, is actively engaging with comprenhending and letting go of our family of origin issues.  Sometimes we can do this in person, sometimes not.  It’s the hairest, scareiest, angriest, most beautiful work I’ve ever experienced.  If you ever get to experience first hand the most difficult relationship in your family of origin as becoming a best friend and a hero(my father has become my hero after many years of trial and error), you’ll know what I mean.  I encourage you with every once of freedom I feel in me.

Now what:

Is that the end?


Here is the best part yet:


Where were you born from?

Who are you really?

What is the most relaxed part of you?

What sounds tastes environments, activities, help you relax, laugh, spontaneously breathe deeply and giggle?

These are the questions beyond the work of this life, beyond letting go of the mind, and healing the heart, these are the questions which can lead you into a bouancy for being in life and of this world whatever your current role may be, and be at peace between your ears, and relaxed in your soul.

This morning when I was sitting all fresh and clean properly attired and chewing thru the last little bit of mental restraints from going out and enjoying this day,

I re-membered;

Was my current neurotic experience, a learned identity, or my soul identity?

Immediately I relaxed got up, drove to my favority morning coffee place and began writing for the day.

Thank you Soul,




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