Soul Surrender

6 11 2010

At what point is the urge of soul, bigger than the surge of ego?

Having been a “functional” person for many years of my life, and a contributing member of society, of which I’m extremely grateful having wandered for many years before I arrived at a functional mesh with society, I’m now sitting at a still point in my life with my soul and body, and negotiating what’s next.  Having studied positive metaphysics, meditation, etc, for many years, I now sit and mesh it with current body opportunities.  So I sit and refresh my emptiness, with moments of clarity, white puffy cloud thoughts interrupted by blue sky.

Forcing a seizure of function and reality in my life has never worked for long once my soul has left a situation be it job, relationship or living situation.  Forcing understanding or awakening from a mind meandering hasn’t worked either.

Yet, lately I feel a soul surrender, a re commitment to my soul.  At this point in my life I can cross off many little boxes in my mind, did this did that, fulfilled that tried this etc.  And, I can experience a level of frustration, angst, and emptiness.  Next to that I have another checklist of things I can do immediately to begin moving out of that space.

Being the internal daring adventurist that I am, I’ve continued my journey of temporarily suspending convictions and been willing to re-ask the once sought after questions.  It’s refreshing, scary, and messy.

The gentle voice inside has popped up two words today;

Soul Surrender.

When I nod my head inside with agreement to seeing/being in my soul even for yet just another moment longer of dwelling in the deep smell of eye peace, I get it.

IT, doesn’t really matter.  What really matters, from time to time, is manifesting these moments of boldly throwing everything I THINK about myself and life in the fire of my current discontentment, until my soul stares back at me through the flames of ego ash and knows, it’s ok.

What ever IT currently is that my ego loves to fester with, my soul continues, with or without my ego agreement and function.  Despite the airtime in my head, my soul knows, and is always in here with me, gently seeing allowing whispering, and loving; all of me.

Eyes with souls,

George


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