Primal Clarity

29 07 2010

Lately I’ve been re-entering the primal areas of my mind through cold water swimming and putting myself in the natural environment no matter what the mental or physical comfort level is.  If it’s cold, wet, rainy, windy, etc.  I just go out into the elements regardless.  I grew up in an extreme environment, and dropped the extreme mental strength I had lived in and developed as soon as life got easy to live.  As I re-enter that “crazy” or primal part of my mind again, I’m experiencing an inner strength and core, which I never appreciated before.  I am also experiencing an ok-ness, and calmness like I’ve never had before.  When I put and push my body and mind into the natural elements nowadays, I have the choice of warmth, food, rest, and calm periods when I return.  This allows me to visit the primal mind, access the good and the clarity of elemental life, and return to “normal” with eyes much more open to what actually may be real, or just a perceived experience.  I’ve also noticed a lot of trivial mental habits and occupations have evaporated.

It’s too early to formulate a theory or clear insight about how this relates to being bipolar, I just know that intuitively I’ve discovered yet another untapped resource.  When my friends think I’m crazy (and justifiably so) for wading across the 49-degree river water instead of taking the canoe, on the inside I’m getting in touch with a mental strength.  When I take my body to the edge of it’s current comfort zone and a little bit beyond, I feel a surge of confidence and ease when I’m back in “regular” life.  This new found mental strength I’m experiencing in daily life is helping me to be less triggered into swings, and better able to deal with them as they come up.

I’m also better able to deal situations, rather then let them sit and hope they go away.  Of course as I change my dance steps with those that have known me for a long time, they get freaked out and think I’m crazy because what happened to peaceful George.   So I may be less peaceful and comfortable to be around on the outside, yet on the inside, I’m feeling a clarity and mental stability which I just know is leading me to yet a new unknown wonderful destination in my ever evolving life.  This is what I love about being bipolar, always exploring, questioning, changing, discovering, and being able to focus and head in new directions.

May your journey be filled with inner discovery, today.

George


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