“Crazy” Mental Health helper

29 04 2010

I often feel neurotic between my ears.  I’m not a fashion model, financial expert, or relationship genius.  I also have little passion or energy for these human experiences.  I am a kinetic mental rollercoaster.  I often judge myself or see this as bad.

Today I realized this is actually a gift.  Because I am frequently neurotic, I am also obsessed with overcoming my inner mental turmoil and seeking the balance and sharing the gifts I discover to help me establish and maintain tranquility when I find it.

I thought about this for a bit today.

I would appear the very issues that I struggle and obsess with the most in my life are the very gifts in which I serve others the best with.

Hmmm.  What kind of a celestial set up is that?

If I were mentally stable, would my toolbox of organic holistic mental health techniques be so large and always expanding, would my sensitivity to other’s mental state be so highly tuned?

And here is the kicker that gave me a big ahh let go of all the crap circulating in my head today.

Because I am neurotic, because I have so much obsession with personal mental health techniques, because I have highly tuned sensitivity in these areas, because at times I exhibit immense unflappable calm in the middle of storms, I am often the one people in my “tribe” or local group come to for the big questions.

“When you pray who do you pray to…,”  “My mother just died…”, etc.

Or I hear, you were the only one I could think of that I could turn to.

Even though we may not be experts or genius’s in certain areas of life that currently receive societies approval, even though we may constantly give ourselves shit about aspects or areas of our life, we may actually be learning growing and sharing, that which our tribe really needs.

Is our mental health opportunities, a bad thing, or are they part of a grand design to have some of us focus on big, deep, issues.

The funny thing is to me, when I’m approached with a physical health, financial question, or regular life question, I can jabber out an answer with the best of them and still be clueless,  yet when someone comes to me and asks, “why pray, or is there a God, or what is the meaning of all this crap, I feel right at home.  I feel calm, I feel right, I feel in the moment, meant to be there, fulfilling my role and walk in this life.  Because that is the inner dialogue, bipolar has instilled in me.  What is the meaning of life, why am I high, why am I low, how do I get back to normal this time?

These are the gifts, bipolar gives us, gives me, in which I am deeply grateful for.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: