Toad Talk

21 03 2010

Vrrrrrooom.  Vrrrrrroooom.  Uh, oh.  I know what thiiis, means.  Someone’s little brother inside has awoken and decided to provide and audio/written sound WEEEEEE,  WEEEEEEE, WEEEEE(siren)  track for this blog.  Good morning Wally(my happy inner kiddo)  how was(RRRRRVVVVROOOOOMSSSSSS)(I think that was a jet flying over we are near the airport).  I’ll continue with the blog.  Please enjoy my little bro’s input. Raaaaaa,,RRRRRAaaaaaa(snowmachine on the river)(it’s Frozen)

Anyway,

One of my bosses gave me a very important lesson after one of my first encounters with corporate stupidity.  He said be a duck just let the water flow off your back(Quack Quack Quack) ok Wally thank you for sharing that was a good one(no there are not any ducks here).

So immediately I starting quacking like a duck every time the big wigs would pass down a rush rush job we busted our butts to do, and then they wouldn’t use what we built.  Instead of being pissed off, I started Quack Quack Quack, yes Wally that’s right.  In fact I had so much fun with this at work(I discovered I couldn’t get fired cussing someone out in Donald Duck talk) that I turned the job over to my CFO(chief fun officer) who has made his present’s known todayQUACK< VROOOOM<VRRRRWEEEEE(different snow machine)

Ok.

So, on todays walk to clear my brain of fear when I woke up, I discovered a new sound, I can do.  In the last year or so I let myself see wolf packs of humans.  IE, groups of “buddies”  usually men, that like to cut and slash each other verbally until one of them gets pissed off and blows his stack.  I realized I didn’t want to run with this mentality anymore so I have circled away from the pack.

Yesterday, while sitting in class with a bunch of wolf/human/”buddy”/coworkers, someone tempted me to bite and snarl back.  Instead I just calmly looked at him and relaxed.

He called me a toad. ok Wally now it’s your turn, thanks for holding off on all the barks woofs and growwwls.Riiibit, RRRRRibt.  RrRRRRibit.  Good one’s Wally I’m glad you are helping me today.

Yep,

you guessed it.

My coping technique for today:

When I feel attacked, I’ll react like a toad.  RRRRRRibit.  RRRRRibit.

smiling, hugging my inner happy kiddo little bro,

George, AND WAAALLY





Learning….FUun, right?

20 03 2010

Patting myself on the back for being a great voice of advocating what works and doesn’t work for me.  Laughing at myself for taking on an instructor that’s been in the field longer than I’ve been alive.  Scared because the career I’ve had for twelve years is disappearing.  Resistant to learning the new field they want me to go into because I feel no natural inclination or ability.  Spinning in small world fear.  Working towards big picture relief.  And a million other voices running around in my head.

Ok George, Choice time:  Lie here in bed and watch the brain spin cycle, or get up, put on every warm item I have, and go walk in the cold for 30 mins.

I am up and out the door.

Still scared but now I have fresh oxygen in my body, and experienced a few moments of less fear, and a few laughs when I realized I’m like a little guy doing the dog paddle between to huge super tankers.  On one side career is changing(dang it), on the other side my passion of gently allowing my positive message to grow by word of mouth, and being happy with the outcomes.(I don’t wish to submit to a career I have no passion or interest for, I don’t want to sell my soul to business in promoting or selling a product I may think is good but in the process become a stressed out marketed person).

Anyway.

Learning, growing, groaning, laughing at myself, and grateful.

My pressure relief valve for all of this was thinking about all the blogs I could write about bipolar, and making excellent food choices this week, and steering clear of coffee.

I’m in an environment that I could easily have major blowouts in all week.  I’m not exactly being a good and complacent little student, but I don’t think I’ve crossed the line yet.  Gee George, ya might want to slow down, that was just the first day.  OOPS! Hee hee.

Laughing again at myself,

George





Grumpyville or NewGeorge

19 03 2010

I am in a town, a remote town, in which I lived for 7 years as a very unhappy person.  I’m back here for a week taking a class for work.  When I slipped off the plane, got a car and began driving, I felt my shoulders hunch, my mouth snarl, and negative thoughts starting spewing around about how much I used to hate this place.  Kind of like a forgone conclusion that this place is horrible, it’s culturally acceptable to be a grouch therefore I am completely justified in being my old grumpy George.

Fortunately, new george was whispering in the back of my mind, “is this me?”  Do I recognize my current thoughts?  Is this really the way things are here?  What’s really going on?

Much to my surprise I had two pleasant interactions with people.  It puzzled me because this time of year most people have cabin fever big time, and shortness is the common accepted norm.  Later on I was driving around with my buddy I haven’t seen in a long time.  He was happy, I was the grouch???  I am living an awesome life in a warm state nice house close to the beach, and this guy is living here, and happy????

Watching my negativity between my ears all day I realized this could be a veeeeeery long week, or,

New George could take over and focus on all the positives.  I have access to a nice hot tub(sheds the cold), I get to hang out with buddies I haven’t seen in awhile(and they appear to be swell), and thank God it’s not as cold as it could be.  I also have much more food and entertainment options than I would with my normal work routine.

Sooooo, New George says phewy to grumpy george(after thanking him for sharing and giving him a hug)

HI,

George





Peace in Silver Clouds

17 03 2010

“Emotionally, I express love by forgiving myself and others, by releasing attachments to the past and holding hope for the future.” From the Daily Word by Unity.  March 17 2010.

As I slip deeper and deeper into a well of peace inside of me it’s sometimes easy to forget how I allowed my well within to fill.  I was so distraught by the way I perceived the world around me, so many problems in me around me, so much suffering that I saw.  I even got to the point many times where I just wanted to take on all the suffering I could and just end it all, and take the pain away with me so that no one else had to suffer.

When bipolar has high visions of possibility followed by lows of perception about the vast emptiness, it is easy for sensitive empathetic bipolars to end up with this view.

It wasn’t until I was gradually introduced to a positive view of life, that I began to have hope.  One of my roots of positivity, manifesting good, and become a person able to overflow and serve others, was Unity Church.  What I locked on to was the Daily Word publication they put out and their Silent Unity service.  I never stuck around any one particular area long enough or attended the church services very often, but I always kept a pocket sized Daily Word handy, and the 800 number to call their 24/7 365 prayer service.  I don’t identify myself as a Christian, but I do identify with their positive view of life.

My journey out of the pit of hell, was inch by inch at times but now as I look back and have forgotten and let go of so much of it, every bit was worth it, in order to appreciate the peace I have now.

Bipolar led me to the highs I didn’t understand, and through the lows that seemed to last forever.  Positive metaphysics, helped me helped myself alter my views in a way in which I can see the good in most situations and people as a mere opportunity to create what we want, and discovering what we really want, and than learning how to pass on what we have learned.

Whispering gratitude today,

George





Bipolar Journey

16 03 2010

I have been having a lot of discussions with people lately about bipolar, labels, and miracles.  I’ve also had a new definition or words for the bipolar experience rummaging around in the back of my head.  So here goes.

Bipolar Journey.

Bipolar is good.

We are naturally uninhibited from seeing truth(real and perceived thru our own filters)

We are naturally uninhibited from using our voice.(until shut down hard enough long enough, medicated, or we learn discernment as to when may be most effective and learn/accept the reasons why)

We are naturally uninhibited from taking action.(until likewise see above)

These are all actually useful helpful things in an individual/group/society/culture.

However, because we pop out raw into this world of many truths and possibilities, we are like rockets without fins or scientists to help teach form guide us.

In ancient times a raw bipolar child was hooked up with a mentor/medicine person/guide/wise person.  To discover train guide the young child with their gifts, and protect them from the group if the uninhibited expressions got out of hand before awareness and training kicked in.

This brings me back to bipolar journey.

Is life a process or a product?

As a process it evolves changes alters discovers and can brew into something deeper and more evolved if we so choose and design/allow.

A product implicates an end, finished, ta daaa.

Bipolar (drop the disorder) add Journey, can be viewed as an ongoing development of our vision, voice, and action, in more and more aware, refined, and effective methods- with training ourselves to be self regulating(still an ongoing process for me), and learning avenues of expression that help the tribe along.

Anger was a biggie for me for soooo many years.  All I saw made me angry, all I spoke to and took action on made me even angrier because of the poo poo reaction, and trouble I got into.

Over time I was able to accept some things, let go of some things, and focus on some things in more and more effective ways of communicating what I saw, and how I thought things could be improved.

I am grateful for bipolar journey, unmedicated, no longer raw, slightly brewed and refined now.

Peace to you and your journey today

George





Choosing Feeling

15 03 2010

“What you seek is being broadcast right where you stand.  Your role is to receive…  How can you look at your life slightly differently so that you are aware of more good?”  Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  March 15.

I have been experimenting with this concept a lot lately.  The art of manifestation for me has recently shifted to focusing on the concept of be the feeling first, and the thing you desire will appear.  Or what do you want, what feeling do you think you will get from it, and access the feeling first.  If I can completely access the feeling first, than I may or may not need the thing or experience.

On a practical note, when I have felt “crazy” or anxious lately, I’ve switched my inner affirmation dialogue from I am peaceful, to I feel peaceful.  My previous experimentations with the whole manifestation process was to focus on tying all of the senses I could into the experience, what did what I want sound feel taste smell like so that I could be that much more inside the experience before it happened.   I have found it much quicker to simply say feel instead of am.  As I repeat this over and over my mind shifts.  Instead of trying to be I am peaceful, it shifts to body, I feeel peaceful.  Annnnd.  It’s been working.  Instead of staying in my head repeating like a mantra over and over again I am peaceful, I am peaceful, in an attempt to avert my current neurotic reaction to life, I simply affirm, I feel peaceful.  I drop into my body much sooner, I calm down quicker, and my reaction to whatever is currently bothering me comes from a different place in me.  It’s easier to see the different angles.

My journey lately has been choosing more carefully my body feeling instead of my head reaction.

feeeeeeling—grrroooovy ; )

George





Double Shot of Happy Please,

10 03 2010

“What gift do you offer yourself and others when you are happy in an unhappy world,” Alan Cohen, A Daily Dose of Sanity.  March 10th.

Please get a copy of Alan’s book or borrow from a friend and read today’s lesson.  It is VITAL to our culture.  It really is the gift of international relations through internal relation.  I have a dear friend Connie who is a tornado of positivity.  My cheeks ache from grinning nonstop ear to ear after seeing or hearing her on the phone because her can of whoop *ss morphed into happiness and believing in herself inside a long time ago. (She sometimes dares to argue with me about the mute point of whether it was in this life or numerous previous ones that her transformation occurred)  Anyway, she is WOW, bubbly happy motivated in motion, lights up a room.  She completely disregards the stresses and just powers on through her next positive action.  She inspires me to be a more daring me, and how much light of me can I allow others to see.

Bartender, please give me a double of what Connie is having and keep ‘em coming!

George (grinning)








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