Potty Brain

15 11 2009

I have potty brain.  To open minded men, (and of course women already know this), WE, as in the male race, have periods.  More importantly, I am having mine.  Pass the chocolate, send me to a spa, and please shut up and listen.  Ahh, I feel better already.

I wrote a blog at my last layover(1000 words) and decided it was total crap, and sent it to a dear friend.(I hope she deletes it, I forgot to write that in the subject line, sometimes I just need to send my mental crap to someone who will laugh and not take it as seriously as I am in the current moment)

I got on the plane and thought hmm.  What is going on?  Other then the fact I feel bloated fat uncomfortable restless upset and slightly pissed off at nothing, I’m FINE KEEP THE CHOCOLATE COMING.

When I’m quiet, I’m not always peaceful.  When I’m quiet, busy, and not communicating with people, uh, Houston, a problem is brewing.

A)  I can ignore it, and watch my mouth or my actions get me into big trouble soon.

B)  I can let myself become aware of it(like trying to write a blog instead of writing a rant)

Writing is my number one tool for dealing with bipolar today.  Write, Write, Write.  The reason is, I’m quiet, moody, haven’t been having real conversations with people lately, and I can feel my ears becoming horns, and my smile becoming a grumpy snarl.

By writing out a blog, erasing it, writing out another, erasing it, and finally taking an hour to perfect a “justified” anger blog/rant, I realized, I was way behind on writing.

When things are going well, I sometimes cut back on my daily routine a bit.  I’ll rely on a quick prayer, meditation, and reading a spiritual thing or too.  I usually cutback on writing about what ever is going on with me, this is when the yellow caution light on the control panel in my brain needs to start blinking.  Silly me, thinking I’m in charge, knowing what is best and when it is supposed to happen, and don’t need to bother dwelling within.  OOOOPS!  Nice try George, better luck next time.

This is when my shit shelf, starts to collect unresolved issues,

which start to simmer and boil until a perfectly good innocent:  target/issue/cause/moment/person/frustration, allows me to spark an eruption.

With any kind of luck, I became aware of this one soon enough so that I can write out everything that is bugging and upsetting me, call someone who cares enough and knows me enough to listen, and not let me get away with thinking I am a victim, and be ok again.  It’s not complicated, it just takes practice and willingness to allow myself to become aware of when something is off, and wanting to do something about it before I make a mess.

Thank you for helping me with my potty brain today, and sorry if I ate all your chocolate, I’ll be good for it next time you need some ; / }.

Now, WHERE is the nearest spa, I need a massage.

George


Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: