Vulnerability

23 10 2009

This is not a topic I feel comfortable sharing about.  I am committed to sharing and documenting this bipolar experience.

This past 24hrs since my last post could have filled up volumes if I was able to capture it fast enough.

When bipolar is going well, on the up cycle, normal, or just before way to happy high, we are excellent at being of service to others.  Our antennas are tuned, body, mind, spirit, going well……

ok I’ll own this.  I have had conversations over the years with other bipolars to confirm this and I’ll own this.

On my up swing, I can be of great service to others.  Once I’ve reached the crest and begin descent, my primary focus needs to be gently flying my plane to a soft landing, and or preferable skimming across the surface of the water.

This can be the baffling time for friends and loved ones.  How do you support, be a friend, of a bipolar person on a down swing.

It’s an art form.  Only friends that have stuck with me for years and learned my intricacies have surmised the dance.  There is a very fine line between allowing me space to work it out, and offering the right form of support that doesn’t drive me away, or encourage dependence.

In my own experience I have errored on the side of isolation to soothe the antennas and calm the energy down, and if necessary explore the dark cave, interacting with those I trust who have no need to offer, alter, or judge the current mental state I am choosing to experience.

What I do know, is allowing, not judging, the deepening, and sensitivity to occur, allows for a deeper opening to the sweetness, and exquisiteness of life.  Being able to be slow, unobligated, rhythmic, and gentle for a period of time, whether it is a full five minutes from work, or a day at home, can alter the negative aspects of a down cycle into a positive experience.  Instead of crashing into a dark cave, hitting a wall, I can gently rest, slowly intuitively explore any thoughts or feelings I may have missed going at rocket speed, and catch up on allowing my delicate tentacles to relax without an onslaught of regular life input.

This sounds a bit idealistic.  Yet I’ve discovered it is the most functional means I’ve discovered yet for being on this journey.  Being aware of highs, and the consequences of blowing out on good energy, being aware of slower cycles, and allowing the gentleness occurs, enable me to provide room and board for myself, and participate in the world in a functional manner.  This is actually huge for me.  Even though there are areas I have yet to be able to be functional with, I am always hugely grateful to be able to provide for myself(with the help of spirit) food, shelter, and water.  With this comes the freedom to pursue, how I wish to earn a living, alter where I live, etc.

The biggest tool that I used yesterday to enjoy the last gallop on the high horse and gently glide back to earth was my ipod.  A couple times on descent I put on the happy music to boost the rockets a little bit when I was going down too fast, and then when I was in touch with the vulnerability and in need of soothing I was able to switch over to spiritual mood music(instead of life sucks I’m a victim music), which helped me transition from missing the high, and beginning the quest for the gifts I need to discover next.

I think this is my first attempt at describing the down cycle in this way,

thank you for listening,

George

Advertisements

Actions

Information

One response

23 10 2009
Layla

Thank you for sharing this, George 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: