Grounded Grandiosity

22 09 2009

It’s been fun watching myself stress out lately.  ?  Yep.  Inside me there is a core, a deep core of peace.  Attached from the bottom of this sea buoy of me in my life is a chord to a mission, a purpose, a vision, a reason for being.  The experts call this visions of grandiosity.  Yep, that’s me.  Always have been a visionary.

Inspite of my downs, inspite of my nuerosis between the ears at times, inside me, long ago, I made peace with what I wanted to do in this life and how.  I am grateful for this.  As the waters are turbulent bringing the current details of my dreams to reality, I forget this sometimes.  Because I seek the spiritual truths, the questions, because I feel destroyed, humbled(not humble), on a regular basis, I also realign myself with truth.  What is really going on, what am I really freaked out about what can I actually do next in this moment to improve the situation.  This is pretty normal for me.  My attention span for numbing out ignoring my life passion mission and purpose is very limited.  I observe appearently stable minded individuals ignore their life.  This is not something I can do.  When I ignore that which is needed and important, I go down fast.  Dark fast.  Because I have spent so much time in that dark chamber in my soul, it doesn’t take long to figure out something is off, I’m in need of action towards truth.

Fortunately life moves even when I’m in a cave, as I move in life, sparks occur.  A twinkle, a faint glow, a whisper of wisdom or truth.  I’ve trained my eye and aligned my life so that when the spark of vision occurs, I’m ready to grasp, hold on with all I’ve got, and run towards it as best I can.  This is the miracle of the bipolar journey for me.  The spark which leads out of the current unpleasant dark states into the visions of grandeur again.  Because I’ve dedicated so much time to being functional with my visionary states, they become grounded and real, time and again.  This is the journey, the juice, that which I am so grateful for to be bipolar.  Going down, being down, dark miserable is no fun, but grabbing the chord of truth leading into the light, and working the visions into tangible realities is the joy.

“Passion and truth are like food and water for a bipolar person. Without them, we are lost or numb. We really can check out any time we want, blow a gasket going too high, or sink into the dirt, lost forever. But if we stay connected with planet Earth and this life, with what we can do right here, right now, then we can have a reason to hang out for longer periods of time in the middle ground.”, George Denslow



One response

22 09 2009

Have I talked about this lately? Been meaning to blog about it. Last week on Warehouse 13, there was this episode where Mika’s father got ‘attacked’ by E A Poe’s journal – his depressing words from the journal went underneath the father’s skin and were killing him, and in order to save him she had to get his own unpublished manuscript and read him his own cherished words. Like you said, I think it’s usually pretty simply, if we just listen to ourselves – we just get all discombobulated and input from the outside (about how we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to do etc.)

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