Breathe on the inside

21 09 2009

“Why could I possibly be having a bad day on a day like today?”  pg 60 of my book Living Out Of Darkness.

Bipolar is so much easier when I’m in the smooth flow and things are going great.  Why can’t I be this way all the time.  Why? Why?  Why?  That’s the weird thing.  Things are going great, yet I wake up moody, grumpy, and unmotivated.  Is this common?  According to some stats yes.  Options are to fight the blues, do the routine, and be grateful for obligations which help get us going and back in the flow.  Darkness is so much easier to ignore when we are busy.

Why not just figure it out?  Well that’s a good question pilgrim, I’ll just get out my handy dandy journal and write it out.

A friend of mine once said he actually found the end of the internet and printed out a certificate(his job was even more extremely boring then mine at times).

Days like today, I think blah blah blah.  Same roots different layers of the onions, or different spiral on the staircase, view on the trail going around the mountain.

My success tip of the day.  Baby steps.  My homework assignment, watch “All About Bob”, again.  He was a total neurotic that used baby steps in order to get out of his house, going on a trip, and succeed in life, inspite of the space between his ears.  I watch this movie when I get like this.  Baby steps.  Pack up computer, get to car, go to coffee store.  Expose your inner neurotic tight rope walking self.  Is a holistic bipolar experience easy.  NOPE.

This would be a good ad placement opportunity for the latest miracle cure in a pill.

Alas.  I’m way to independent, have chalked up to many victories/experiences, to being my whole neurotic chemical free self to worry about have comfortable feeling days inside myself.  These happen.  So what.  Good days, distractions, obligations are coming, and if my past several days or weeks is any indicator I could be blissed out on gratitude for life real quick(and those moments don’t get advertised enough).  Could I just have my highs and let go of the lows?, would I, probably, but how would I know so well the experience of calm peace flow gratitude for basic sanity if I didn’t have days of total dark blah?

This is the gift.  I wade through the muck, and the sun will soon shine again.

Peace out




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