Bipolar Dreams

16 09 2009

I like taking online self study positive metaphysics courses.  As I have been bored with my current funk and ready to crawl out and engage with life again I’ve been doing my current course.  Some lessons grab me, some not.  I like the daily shot in the positive of perspective outside of my little head.  Todays lesson was about writing out an ideal life type scenario.  I love dong this because I am an awesome creative writer thanks to bipolar and a deep desire over the years to figure out just what the heck is going on and why.  Writing as a healing modality is very powerful.  I can be in the most foul of moods, somehow find the motivation to do my next lesson or even just journal, and either the creativity of writing out something new, or allowing what’s really bugging/causing my avoidance to come out on paper transforms me.  It’s so simple yet so easy not to do.  500 pound pencils and paper are difficult, or maybe nowadays it’s lifting the screen on my laptop.

So anyway.  My writing exercise today was describing in detail what my next ideal life would look like.  I had a lot of fun with it.  Makes my toes tingle and a smile errupted on my face.  House on the secluded beach quiet spot to watch the sunrise, bicycle ride to a cafe, lunch with a friend, etc.

Dreams.  Dreams.  Dreams.  Dreams play a huge role in my recovery and ongoing thriving with bipolar.  By having dreams, thinking them up with my creative mind, I can get through any kind of boring drudgery.  By knowing my dreams I can hang on no matter what when things are dark inside me.  By hanging on to these dreams through struggling times, when the road clears a bit I’ve been able to make progress and live in them because I know what I want before the opportunity shows up.  I don’t hesitate when a dream opportunity shows up, because I remember all the times in mental hell when all I could think about was that dream.  I think I’ve experienced, lived inside actual dreams of mine so many times, because I am bipolar.  Because I’ve created and wanted them so bad, because things didn’t go so well for so many years, I had coiled a lot of energy inside me to really go for it with nothing to lose, when a dream showed up.  If things always went ho hum or comfortably or my mind just went about it’s merry way throughout life, would I go for it when dreams arrived?  Either way I am deeply grateful for the whole process.  And today, I’m quietly giggling because I know spirit will allow me to create my next set of dreams in a way that serves a greater purpose of good then I can imagine.  Bipolar, because of a racing mind, active imagination, ability to live in a dream before they are real, are all gifts and an opportunity to live a very full life.



One response

16 09 2009

I’ve thought a lot about that place where not having something I want for a while is a gift because it ensures I will treasure it when I have it, in a way I might not have had I never had that time to fully realize how important it is to me.

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