Bipolar Fears In Alaska

25 08 2009

Alaska is my summer playground.  It is a totally bipolar state.  24-hour daylight, places to go things to see, I play to my hearts content.  Blogs?  Internet?  Computer???  Sharing my experience with bipolar???  They all drift from my mind as I explore this great land in my truck/portable cabin, I run like a happy dog sniffing out all the sites, the people, and the stunning landscapes that stop me in my tracks and cause a spiritual eruption.  Yes, Alaska in the summer is often that good.  My biggest challenges with bipolar in the summer here is to get enough sleep.   When I get grumpy I know it’s time to find or make a dark room, and lay my body down for a while.  It’s also easy to wonder why my tummy is growling at 10pm and discover, food?  Hmm.

Now it’s fall.  Huh?  It is only August.  Yep.  Northern Alaska changes fast.  There was frost on my windshield the other day.  Now is a tricky time for bipolar.  This is how I negotiate through this season.  My first step is acknowledging it.  Summer is an easy happy time, and I’m sad to see it go.  So this is where gratitude and looking for the good kicks in.  It is a good time for me to check on my daily routine.  Gently waking, getting on my knees, thanking spirit for this day, tai chi, and a moment to sit.

Today I woke up with huge fears.  OMG I’ve got so much to do I’ve ignored all summer fall is here things are busy AAAAAg.  It’s what I call a train wreck.  So I got out of my bed, and did my routine anyway.  Did it take away all the fear?  Nope.  But after distracting myself for a few hours, and circling back through my daily books, I focused on what was my biggest fear of the moment.  And now I’m writing. YEAH!!!  Victory.  Why?  Because I could easily have curled up in a ball in my bed this morning and initiated a huge downer.

So as the seasons change so rapidly here, I find myself on high alert for subtle changes and triggers in me.  How’s my attitude?  How’s my regular, food, exercise, water intake etc.  Vigilance is important to keep my mind open to gratitude, identifying my fears, and tackling them.  This keeps me moving through these transitional times.  They also set me up for the fall season, which is a blast already.  Because I’ve allowed myself a healthy daily routine for years, I now have many super huge dreams and experiences lined out for a fun fall season.

This is why I am grateful today to be bipolar, and embrace it for what it is.  Today it was a motivator to take care of myself, no matter how dark, negative, and grumpy I wanted to be.

May the smells of this day liven your soul, and the sites of the weather intrigue your spirit.


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26 08 2009
Layla

Ah, the shift from summer to fall. Summer: fun, play, enjoyment. Then, all of a suddenly, Fall: time to prepare, so much to be done like busy little squirrels, no?

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